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To me it sounds like my worst nightmare, because Anne is so much more. She has so much more living to do than sipping tea as she reads Chaucer by a fire. No, fuck that. “I don’t want Anne living a half-life. How do I make sure she succeeds doing what she wants to do, not what she has to?”
She had walked me to a smaller office, I had taken the seat she offered, which is much more comfortable than the loveseat in the other office. It throws me
when she stands and goes to close the door she had previously left open, before sitting back down. “If you want her to have the best chance to make a career in photography then I recommend Anne speaks with a former colleague of mine at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago,”
She hands me a card. “I never gave you that. Norman doesn’t hand out his card to just anyone. I also don’t give out cards for our students to look at another university.
“The Weinberg College here is where I feel completely comfortable encouraging undergraduate students to attend. The academia we provide is unparalleled and there are alumni who have gone on to great success. However, Anne already has the undergraduate degree. What she needs is complete focus on learning a craft, she’ll be better served there.”
The moment I take the card from her, she goes silent. Her face becoming a network of lines, every one of them showing regret. “What?”
“Mr. Dexter, you said this visit was about Ms. Thomas, about allowing her to discover what was best for her. I feel I must be honest with her and give her my recommendations. Perhaps I spoke too freely with you, as you are working to point her in one direction without giving her the freedom of choice. I also can’t help but ask is this about what is best for Ms. Thomas or what is best for you?”
“What’s best for Anne is best for me. I want her happy and fulfilled, not counting down the hours to the end of her day. She deserves better. I’ll make sure she gets it.”
All concern is gone as she smiles. “Ah, you love her. I apologize, it wasn’t clear before. It’s when you put her needs before your own you know for sure. Ms. Thomas should be done by now.” She’s at the door. I haven’t moved, frozen by her words. “Are you coming, Mr. Dexter?”
“In a minute, you go.” I’m not even sure how I managed to form the words when taking in a deep breath hurts. The words keep tumbling around the hollow of my chest, the hollow I only just realized I had. Because it’s true, somewhere between the first moment I laid eyes on Anne and now, she had stolen my heart right out of my chest. I’m trying to figure out when, how. Then I hear her laughter and none of the questions matter. I love her, completely, totally, without a doubt.
Standing, I don’t feel my legs under me. It doesn’t stop me from getting back to the room Anne is in. Her eyes go right to me when I walk in and they are filled with storm clouds. She’s upset, the small crease between her eyes appears. “What’s the matter?”
The door closes behind Connie as she leaves us alone. I make my move, needing to hold Anne, pulling her into my arms as I sit down beside her. For the first time she’s stiff in my arms, all my cool leaves me. Hand at her chin, I bring her back to look at me. “What the fuck is the matter?”
She jumps at my harsh words then, fuck me, her eyes shine with tears. I’m trying to take deep breaths to calm down before I open my mouth and scare her again when she speaks. “I wanted to find out for myself what to do. I wanted to figure it out on my own. But Connie says you’re already planning everything for me. This is my life, not yours.
“In almost nine months you still get to be a billionaire who can work at home or put on a fancy suit and go into the office. Between now and then I still have to figure out where I go from you. Me, not you, because I’m the one who has to keep going without you.”
Anne’s words hurt, each one cutting me deep. Just as I don’t think I can take anymore, her voice catches as she tries to finish what she’s saying. Then tears, her tears, fall on my hands. They are the only thing that keeps me calm. She’s just as shredded at the idea of us ending as I am. I’m also shaken to realize she doesn’t know she loves me.
I thought women were supposed to know first. Yet, it’s clear, she doesn’t. It’s not something she is trying to hide, she simply doesn’t know. But she does love me. I know she does, the same way I know I love her, down to my bones.
Running a hand through her hair, I pull her to me and she clings. As much as I want to tell her now, not wait another second, I know she’s not ready. For now, I have to be patient. As she said, we have nine months. By the end of them she’ll be mine, permanently, with the ring, the house in the suburbs, a baby if she wanted, all of it. Fuck, the mere idea of it has me squeezing her tighter.
All of those things I never thought I wanted fill me with exhilaration at the idea of having them with Anne. Calling Anne my wife, in a home, a home where I can go outside in the backyard and play with our kids with Anne watching over us. Anne whispers my name against the skin of my neck so lightly it’s barely a sound. Her whisper, filled with longing, is confirmation we will get there.
“I’m sorry,” My voice comes out hoarse and tight from fighting not to say everything I want to. “I shouldn’t have taken over. You’re right. I told you this is all about you. I meant it. I just don’t want you doing what you have to do. I want you to do what you really want to do. If there’s a way I can make sure you get everything you need to succeed, then I’m going to do it, for you.”
She doesn’t lift her head, she’s still hiding. “My life is not code you can punch out to make it what you want it to be. I get you’re used to getting your own way and taking control, it’s admittedly one of things that makes you appealing. But not this time, not on this. I need to come to my own conclusion. If, once I’ve made my decision and I need your help then I’ll ask for it. Agreed?”
Running a hand down her tense back, I swallow every argument. “Agreed. Are you ready to take a tour of the campus now?”
Fuck, her face is still covered in tears. Snapping out the pocket square I have never been so thankful to wear, I wipe her face clean, gently, slowly. Wanting to wipe away the pink in her cheeks and small pert nose. “I’m sorry for getting all, you know. I swear I’m not normally like this. You just have a way of making me...”
She trails off, her eyes down. I try to keep my voice soft as I ask. “What sweetheart? I make you, what?”
“Scared I’ll make you mad or annoyed and you’ll think I’m more trouble than I’m worth. I know you wanted peace and quiet during the day and only my body at night. Yet, here I am, forcing you to change things from how you wanted them to be. I’m sorry.”
The fear in her eyes is real. I’m ashamed the only place she knows she’s safe is in my bed, and no doubt she believes it’s only because of the pleasure I find in her body. Cupping her cheek, I press my lips lightly against hers. “I told you in the beginning, I’ve never done this before. Never had a sugar baby in this sense; although I guess I had and was just fooling myself by calling them girlfriends.
“When I heard about this, a relationship based on an agreement, a contract, I was filled with glee at the idea. Contracts are supposed to be cut and dried, to protect your interests, and make sure the other person keeps their word.
“But it wasn’t from the very beginning, for me. There was a woman before I met you, the first woman to catch my eye on the site. When I met her, she was everything she promised to be. Within an hour of meeting her she was on her knees sucking my cock like her profile said she was willing to do. There I was, getting what I thought I wanted, and all I wanted was to get out. I walked out her front door and never looked back.
“Then I found your profile. You were witty, funny, honest, and you told me what you needed and were willing to give, and respect was important. You weren’t wearing lace, or even makeup and I was already hooked.
“When you walked out of the building in that black lacy dress that showed more than it covered it was instant. I’d never wanted a woman as completely and totally as I wanted you. I didn’t want to do dinner because I wanted to get you home and fuck you before I found out something about you that would disappoint me, like before. I was sure the sex would be so good I wouldn’t care about anything I might find out later.
“But it was worse, we had dinner and I found out you were this amazing three dimensional woman with all these facets I didn’t just want to know more about, I needed to know. You told me you didn’t want to suck my cock. You
