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Chapter Sixteen
I hate the way he sounds sad, he thinks I’ll say no. Closing my eyes I know I should, marrying him without being able to say I love him the way he wants me to isn’t fair to him. This love thing, I still can’t believe it. There is no denying he’s changed in the last few weeks, but what about after the new of me wears off?
The last few months have been some of the most amazing of my life, but it’s only been a few months. What about a year from now, or even five years? The ring that should give me an assurance is nothing more than another pretty thing Grant can buy. Like the way he bought me a place in school, or the very real way he bought me with the offer of fifty thousand dollars a month, an offer no woman in her right mind would turn down. Grant was granting wishes and making dreams come true but that’s what it felt like, a dream. What happens when it’s time to wake up from the dream, it has to end at some point, doesn’t it?
Even with fear hanging over me, the thought of hurting Grant makes me ache deep down inside. So I won’t tell him no, can’t tell him no. For him and the baby he already touchingly, very clearly loves. “Yes, yes, I’ll marry you, and we’ll buy a house in the suburbs where you and the kids can play.”
He pulls away to look at me, his expression cautious, “Really?”
Does he see the fear that won’t leave? I swallow it, remembering, no matter what, I am happy about our baby and for the life Grant promises, for however long it lasts. “Of course, I do! A gorgeous, sexy man, who has made my every dream come true and even the ones I didn’t know I had, I would be crazy to say no.”
I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him giving him the answer the only way I know how. Grant’s kiss is desperate, demanding I hold nothing back. When he finally pulls away, both of us are breathless. “Yes.”
His head against mine, he gives me a weak smile as he slips the ring on my finger. I don’t dare say it’s too big, or that I would’ve been happy with a chip of a diamond, as long as he was the one to give it to me. It is stunning in its brightness and the way it spa
rkles.
“It’s so pretty.” I say instead, as I note it fits me perfectly. “Thank you.”
Grant isn’t fooled. “You think it’s too much. I don’t think it’s nearly enough at least I didn’t add the halo of diamonds like I wanted to. The jeweler talked me out of it, he said the beauty was in the simplicity of the round and the many facets in the old European cut. That’s why I got this ring, it reminded me of you. You’re beautiful to look at, and then you have all these amazing facets to you that make you even more than beautiful. If you think the ring is too much, wait until you get a look at your wedding dress.”
He wouldn’t have, yes he would. “You bought my wedding dress already? Your arrogance makes me nuts sometimes, I swear.”
“Technically, it’s still being made. I did tell them what I wanted and sent them your measurements along with some pictures of you.” His smile is wide.
“You didn’t send those pictures you took of me naked, did you? Oh, my god, you did. How could you do that? Those were just for you and you promised no one else would see them.”
“I only sent them one of you naked, it’s a woman and it was when you were being very demure, none of the fun ones. I also sent a few of you clothed. We can go see the dress tomorrow. If you want to change anything you can tell them then, and they’ll deliver it to us in Venice.”
“You have everything worked out. A wedding and honeymoon in Venice. I’m so lucky to have you.” That ache deep down is back as I plaster a smile on my face.
He blinks fast and I go cold. No, stop it. Think of the baby and the simple fact if I say no, I have to walk away from him. And he’s right, I can’t walk away from him. Walking away from him isn’t an option, even before the baby it would mean leaving a part of me behind. My hand covers his on my stomach. “We’re both lucky to have you.”
“I’m the lucky one. And our honeymoon isn’t in Venice. It’ll take almost a week to get through all the paperwork. We’ll get married there and have a few days more to enjoy, but our honeymoon wouldn’t be anywhere but Paris.”
“Paris?”
“Of course, isn’t that where everyone goes on their honeymoon? We’re booked into a suite with an Eiffel view, I think you’ll like it.”
Desperate to stop all the talking of the future, I smile in invitation. “I’m sure I will. Why don’t we go back to the hotel and celebrate on the terrace again?”
“I love the way you think.”
The wedding dress is stunning. It’s a pure white sheath dress with an ornate ivory lace overlay with a small train. When I see it I know where he got the idea, and promise myself to wear the dress from our first meeting, for him, once we get back to Chicago. Grant is waiting outside the room, saying he didn’t want to see it until the day of our wedding.
Wedding, hearing him say it sends the ache into full drive, until I put the dress on. The woman in the mirror is so beautiful I can hardly believe it’s me. This dress, the woman in the mirror, is Grant proving all over again he believes in this, in all of it. Even if I don’t. If I didn’t go all in it would hurt him. I’m also tired of the aching. There will be plenty of time for it later, now is what really mattered.
The dressmaker, an elegantly beautiful woman somewhere between thirty and fifty is looking concerned at my reaction. “You don’t like?”
Shaking my head, I try to smile. “It’s beautiful really. The fit is a little tight, if you could give me another inch or so, especially for the baby.”
She laughs, “Ah, yes. I will do that.”
Once I’m dressed again I go out to find Grant pacing. “Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful. Thank you. Now, take me back to the hotel so I can thank you properly.” We spend the day in bed, when he asks me if I’m sure I don’t want to see anything else before we leave. I tell him I’m sure, because right here is where I want to be. I mean it, wrapped in his arms is the only place I want to be.
Florence is a much slower pace of sightseeing. We spend only a few hours out before lunch, then go back to the hotel to while away our day in bed. Sometimes we make love, sometimes we simply hold each other as we talk about the future.
