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"And if you can't?"
"Don't interfere with them in any way. Stay out of their sight. "
"And if you can't?"
"I won't go anywhere near a human, Brian, I swear. "
"What's the rule if you can't stay out of a human's sight?"
He sighed, and quoted, "If you are seen, make sure to be in a form that will not cause alarm. "
"Have you managed to take another form?"
"Not exactly. "
"Which means what, exactly?"
Jake looked down at his hands. "It means I can be a different-colored wolf," he said, thinking about his classmates' snickers when the best he could do was to morph into a wolf with a deep purple coat, while they were successfully changing into German shepherds, Rottweilers, cocker spaniels, even an enormous Maine coon cat.
"That's not good enough. You're not ready for a solo. "
"Why can't I just run as a wolf? Even in that story you told me about the angels and crap, you said we didn't start out as dogs, right? We aren't poodles or terriers or freaking opossums. We're wolves! For the first time in my life, I know what I am!"
"You're a werewolf. And if you've paid attention in class, you know that means man-wolf. The human comes first, and humans make choices. We can change into anything we choose to. "
"I tried changing into something else. It didn't work. "
"Keep trying. You just need to choose a form you're comfortable with. Felicia runs as a Labrador retriever most of the time, and I'm a pretty convincing Newfoundland. "
"I'm not comfortable as anything but a wolf. "
"Maybe you just don't want it badly enough. "
Jake looked Brian right in the eye. "Well, maybe I don't. Maybe I like being a wolf, and maybe I don't want to change into anything else. "
"Then you're not going to solo. It's okay if you want to change tonight, but you have to stay in the house. "
"Yeah, whatever. " As if he'd feel any less trapped as a wolf. It'd be even worse, to smell more of the outdoor world he was missing.
He started to slouch his way back to the living room.
"And Jake," Brian added, "if I catch you eavesdropping on me and Felicia again, you won't get a solo run until you're thirty!" Jake didn't know if it was the leader's voice or the way he held himself that suddenly made him seem more lupine than most of the pack was under a full moon.
Son of a bitch! How had he known? Jake threw himself down on the couch, glaring at the TV screen while the dumb reindeer moaned about being a misfit. He should try being the only outsider in the pack. Jake had been used to always being the new guy when he was moving between foster homes. He hadn't cared then. Now he was finally someplace he wanted to stay, someplace he wanted to belong, but he was going to be stuck being the new kid forever. Not being able to tell the guys at the Christmas party about his run was only going to make it worse. Maybe he could make something up. He grinned, imagining himself chasing after Rudolph and making more than his nose red.
The only good part of the evening was that Brian mostly ignored him. Instead he and Ruby laughed their way through watching Christmas videos, eating gingerbread men, and actually hanging a row of piece-of-crap stockings by the fireplace. Felicia stayed gone, and though she and Dave called in a few times, he didn't bother to ask what was happening and he sure as hell didn't eavesdrop.
When Jake finally escaped into the guest room, he refused to look out the window at the fat moon hanging in the sky, calling to him. What was the point of changing in the house? What was he supposed to do then? Curl up like a puppy on a tweenaged girls' poster? Maybe Brian had a Santa hat for him, and would take cutesy pictures for next year's Christmas card. Hell, why didn't they just get him fixed?
Finally he couldn't resist it any longer, and drew the blinds to at least see the moon. That was all it took, the one look, and he lost it. Jake knew the change felt different for different people - for him it felt like the best stretch anybody could ever have, the kind where you feel longer and looser when you're done. Ten minutes after that, without ever actually making a decision, he was downstairs, pushing the specially designed back door open to escape into the night.
He scurried off quickly, but once he was safely out of earshot, he stopped to breathe in deep. This was the life he was supposed to lead. Out in the wild, hearing and smelling and tasting things he'd never notice as a human. Why would he want to choose any other form when he could be a wolf? Hell, if it hadn't been for computer games and McDonald's, he'd have chosen to stay a wolf forever.
Of course, he was still going to obey pack laws, more or less, and that meant getting farther from the house. Fortunately, the house edged onto an open area and it was easy enough for him to lope through the woods, avoiding houses and roads and any humans who might spot him. Then he let himself go, running and howling and chasing rabbits. Okay, he didn't catch any, but it was early yet. He'd show Brian he was ready to solo, and was imagining telling the other young wolves at the next night's Christmas party when he ran right into a clearing. And smelled humans.
He skidded to a halt in the leaves, unable to stop himself from giving off a puppyish whimper. Standing stock-still, he listened and looked and sniffed. There was no sign that anybody had seen him.
Funny place for people to be on Christmas Eve, he thought. It was just an old shack, and he didn't think the place even had electricity hooked up. There was no fire, either, and while it was plenty warm for a wolf, it was awfully cold for humans.
