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Weston stood, taking his poop through the door, following the nurse down a short hallway and into an examining room.
"Please put on the gown. I'll be back in a moment. "
She closed the door behind him. Weston stared at the folded paper garment, sitting on the edge of a beige examination table also lined with paper. He set the container down next to a jar of cotton swabs. Then he removed his coat, shoes, jeans, boxer shorts, and polo shirt, placed them in a neat pile on the floor, and slipped his arms through the gown's sleeve holes. It felt like wearing a large, stiff napkin.
Weston shivered. It was cold in the room; examination rooms always seemed to be several degrees too cool for comfort. He stood there in his socks, rubbing his bare arms, waiting for the nurse to come back.
She eventually did, taking his temperature and blood pressure, then left him again with the promise that Dr. Waggoner would be there shortly.
A minute passed. Two. Three. Weston stared at the ceiling tiles, thinking about the hours he'd spent on the Internet looking for some sort of clue as to what strange disease he had. There was plenty of disturbing content about bowel movements, including a website where people actually sent in pictures of theirs so others could rate them, but he'd found nothing even remotely close to the problem he was having.
The door opened, derailing his train of thought.
"Mr. Smith? I'm Dr. Waggoner. Please, sit down. "
Weston sat on the table, the paper chilly under his buttocks. Dr. Waggoner was an older man, portly. Bald, but with enough gray hair growing out of his ears to manage a comb-over. He had on trendy round eyeglasses with a faux tortoiseshell frame, and a voice that was both deep and nasally.
"Your blood pressure is normal, but your temperature is 100. 5 degrees. " He snapped on some latex gloves. "How are you feeling right now?"
"Fine. "
"Any aches, pains, problems, discomforts?"
"No. I'm a little chilly, but that's all. "
Dr. Waggoner removed some sort of scope and checked Weston's eyes and ears as they talked.
"How long have you been having these intestinal problems?"
"Um, on and off for about three months. But they aren't really intestinal problems. I'm finding, uh, strange things in my bowel movements. "
"Can you describe them for me?"
"Like little stones. Or things that look like strips of fabric. "
Dr. Waggoner raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I have to ask the obvious question first. "
Weston waited.
"Have you been eating little stones or strips of fabric?"
The doctor grinned like a Halloween pumpkin. Weston managed a weak smile.
"Not that I'm aware of, Doctor. "
"Good to know. Tell me about your diet. Has it changed recently? Eating anything new or exotic?"
"Not really. I eat mostly health foods, have been for the last ten years. "
"Been out of the country in the last six months?"
"No. "
"Do you eat a lot of rare meat, or raw vegetables?"
"Sometimes. But I don't think I have a tapeworm. "
