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Spike barked agreement and trotted around the chair to take up watch on the other side. The hump of the current crisis was definitely over.
“Thanks for the teamwork, guys,” Jack said warmly. “It could have been rough without your first-rate assistance.”
Gary grinned. “New experience to chalk up.”
“Yeah,” Ben agreed, matching his workmate’s grin. “Operation Bottle-feed. That’s a good one, isn’t it, Gary?”
They laughed, happy to have been of help.
Jack smiled at Charlotte. They had all learned something today. It brought a new sense of closeness, a bonding that was different from anything Jack had felt before. This little-bitty human being was precious to him. He wanted her to be happy. With him. With the world. With everything. Whatever it took, he’d manage it somehow.
Spike shuffled forward and laid his head on Jack’s lap, claiming his place in the family, too. Jack ruffled the long, shaggy hair. If only Nina were here with them. A wave of misery flattened any sense of euphoria at having come through the crucible of full, hands-on fatherhood.
Nina must be going through hell. He hoped the medical staff at the hospital were giving her adequate pain-killers as well as antibiotics. He’d raise a ruckus tonight if they weren’t.
He hadn’t seen her for almost three days. Her choice, not his. The suspicion rose that she hadn’t felt well and had hidden it from him, though why she would keep it to herself was beyond his comprehension. Didn’t she realise he would do anything for her?
Something was wrong with Nina’s thinking. She had called for Sally’s help, not his. Tonight he would have to find out why she hadn’t turned to him. She should have done, instinctively, automatically. Did she still not trust him to do right by Charlotte?
Jack shook his head in bewilderment. His gaze fell on the baby. She’d stopped sucking. Her mouth was slack, her eyes closed, and her sweet little face glowed with replete contentment. It gave his heart a real boost, filling it with so many good feelings his underlying anxieties were momentarily forgotten. My kid, he thought. Mine and Nina’s.
At least he could lift one worry off Nina’s mind.
Operation Bottle-feed successful.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“NINA?”
Jack’s voice, soft and strained with concern. Sluggishly she opened her eyes. The curtain was drawn around her bed. She’d been sleeping since the surgeon’s visit. He’d examined her and explained what he was going to do in the morning. The pain tablets were good. If she kept still, the discomfort could be held at a distance. But she needed to see Jack, talk to him. She slowly turned her head.
“Don’t move if it hurts,” he said anxiously, springing up from the chair to lean over her.
“Charlotte?” It came out like a croak. Her throat was dry.
“She’s fine. Sally’s with her while I’m here. She’s taken to the bottle okay, Nina. I’ve fed her two lots of formula. She’s not fretting or playing up. Everything’s going well. When I left she was fast asleep. No problem.”
Nina knew she should feel relieved, pleased that Jack was coping with their baby. It was ridiculous to feel so bereft and useless. Tears welled into her eyes, great globs of self-pity. It wasn’t fair this had happened to her. All the hard months of her pregnancy, fiercely resolving to be everything to her child, and she couldn’t even feed her baby. She shut her eyes to stop the tears from overflowing, but they squeezed through her lashes.
Jack’s hand gently brushed her hair from her forehead. “Is it terribly painful, Nina? Do you want me to fetch a nurse?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong, love?”
The deep caring in his voice twisted her heart. “I’m a failure,” she blurted out.
“No, you’re not,” he strongly asserted. “Sally told me your designs for Belinda Pinkerton’s wedding are brilliant. You’ve got great talent, Nina, and once people start seeing it…”
She moved her head fretfully. “I’m a failure as a mother. I let you get in the way, Jack.”
His hand stilled, then withdrew. She heard the chair being drawn closer, the squeak of its cushion as he sat down. The sense of apartness made her feel worse, as though she was losing everything.
“How, Nina?” he asked quietly.
She had to swallow hard to get rid of the lump in her throat. She opened her eyes and looked at him with aching regret. “I didn’t want you to know I had a problem. I hoped it would get better. I wanted it to go away. If it wasn’t for you and my delaying getting help…” Tears swam again. “I’d still be feeding Charlotte.”
“Why didn’t you want me to know?” He shook his head in hurt confusion. “Love is about sharing. Both the good and the bad.”
