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They were in the children’s house and he drew her into his embrace, deliberately reminding her of the ready intimacy they shared. He stroked her cheek as his eyes bored into hers, commanding her surrender to his will. ‘You love this place,’ he said with soft seductive persuasion. ‘You have your own car, your independence. You can pay me rent if that will make you feel more right about staying on.’ He moved his fingers to her lips, arousing sensitivity to his touch. ‘I want you to stay, Chloe.’
He saw a multitude of emotions warring in her eyes-desire, hope, yearning, fear, panic…the latter jolting his drive to win what he wanted.
She pushed away from him, words tumbling out in a desperate burst. ‘I can’t, Max. I can’t. Don’t ask me to.’
Her hands clapped her cheeks, smacking off the lingering influence of his touch. Her eyes begged him to understand. Max didn’t but he stood still, instinctively knowing he had to wait for her to explain, not press for anything. It appalled him that he had struck fear in her. She was precious to him. Hurting her in any shape or form had never been his intention.
Her hands dropped from her face. She wrung them as she gulped in deep breaths, struggling for control of the agitation that had gripped her. Max was acutely aware of feeling more tension than he did in any critical business meeting. He’d always been prepared for them, confident of coming out on top, but he’d had no experience of what was happening here and now with Chloe.
She gathered herself to speak. ‘All my life…’ She stopped, swallowed hard, started again. ‘For most of my life, I did what my mother wanted. I learned…she made me learn…it was easier to obey, easier not to resist, easier just to fall in with whatever she decided.’
Max saw the memories of punishment flit through her eyes and his jaw clenched at a surge of hat
red for Stephanie Rollins. He’d been the victim of negligence, indifference, crazy outbursts of emotion from his own mother throughout his boyhood, but never cruelly pressured into performing to her will.
‘Then when I married Tony and realised I was only a tool to him, too…someone he could use to get what he wanted…I took the easy path again, letting him do it because at least he made the process more pleasant than my mother did. He pretended to love me. I could live with that. He made it easy.’
The con man keeping his gravy train sweet, Max thought in blistering contempt. Yet a disturbing niggle of conscience started whispering he was doing a very similar thing.
‘And it would be all too easy for me to stay on here with you, Max,’ Chloe went on, nailing the tack he had used to keep her with him. ‘But if I did that, I’d be slipping back into the same old pattern that I need to break, giving you control of my life instead of being in charge of it myself.’
‘No!’ he vehemently denied. ‘I would not control your life, Chloe. You’d always have freedom of choice with me.’
Pained eyes looked back at him. ‘I can’t choose when you’ll meet some other woman who sparks your interest, Max. Shannah Lian had no choice at all in the end, did she?’
But it’s different with you.
The words burned to be said. He barely stopped them from exploding off his tongue. As true as it was, it didn’t promise the kind of longevity that would mean they would never part. They were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. The deeply honed pragmatic part of his mind dictated a much longer period was required to test the depth of his feelings for her. Rushing into some rash declaration would not serve either of them well.
‘I need a place of my own, Max,’ she asserted with quiet conviction, her eyes pleading for his acceptance. No more argument. ‘I don’t ever want to feel again I have nowhere to go if…other things…start falling apart.’ Her lips quivered into a wry little smile. ‘It might not be so convenient for you…for either of us…’
‘That’s not important.’ His hand sliced the air in sharp dismissal. ‘Your sense of well-being is. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking…just wanting to hold onto what we’ve been sharing.’ He shook his head in mute apology as he moved to reassure her, his hands curling gently around her shoulders, his eyes projecting empathy with her feelings. ‘When my mother died, the welfare people moved me to a hostel. I couldn’t wait to leave school, earn enough money to get a place of my own. Do you want me to help you find one, Chloe?’
Relief and joy sparkled back at him as she wound her arms around his waist, pressing close to him. ‘No. You’ve helped me enough, Max. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all you’ve done for me. Even when we’re not lovers anymore, I’ll always consider you the best friend I could ever have had.’
‘Hmmm…I’m not ready to end the lovers part yet. Are you?’
‘No.’ She looked wickedly at him as she rubbed her lower body against his.
He laughed and scooped her up in his arms, needing to assuage the strong sense of possessiveness that he had to contain. Luther barked at the exuberant action and he smiled down at the dog. ‘You get your fair share of her, little fella. This is my turn.’
Chloe laughed as he strode to the bedroom and kicked the door shut behind them. There was no sense of conflict between them as they made love. Chloe gave herself to him with uninhibited pleasure and Max revelled in the certainty that she would still be his woman, regardless of a change in residence.
Lying together afterwards, he felt a deep tenderness towards her, cuddling her close, softly stroking her hair and the lovely curve of her spine. ‘You are safe with me, Chloe,’ he murmured. ‘I’m not out to exploit you in any way.’
She sighed, her breath drifting warmly across his chest. ‘I know that, Max. You don’t need to. You run your own race.’
Which she had not done up until now. He understood her need to take control, given the victimisation she had helplessly resigned herself to in the past. It was right for her to establish her own ground, her own space. Yet the simple truth she had just spoken made him think about the life he had made for himself-running his own race.
He’d had to as a child. His mother had been totally irresponsible. More times than not there was no food bought for him, her single mother’s pension all spent on drugs. She’d slept in most mornings, not worrying about getting him off to school. He went because it was better than staying with her, trying to shut off her rants about whatever got stuck in her mind.
It had been a lonely life, looking after himself. Becoming self-sufficient had not been an easy journey but it had been the only way to survive in his mother’s environment. He’d hated it when she had bursts of sentimentality, hugging him, rocking him in an excess of emotion as she raved on about how much she loved her little boy. Her so-called love was just some mushy thing that had no reality attached to it. Max remembered thinking he would be much better off without it.
And he had done very well without it-running his own race-not letting anything or anyone divert him from achieving the goals he set for himself.
But would he be content to keep it that way, having spent this brilliant time with Chloe, sharing more with her than he had with any other person-man or woman-enjoying everything about her? He’d never minded being alone. It had been an advantage, not having consideration for other people hold him back from what he chose to do. He’d consciously avoided emotional strings that might tie him down. Yet he knew he would miss Chloe’s ready company when he came home.
He couldn’t stop this private idyll from coming to an end. However, he didn’t have to accept an uncrossable distance between them. The need to nail down some definite future with her was paramount. There was so much more he wanted to share with her, introduce her to.
