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‘What happened, Damien?’
He took a deep breath. ‘It was agreed I’d make the first descent down the cliff. That suited me fine. I didn’t want to be alone with Anne, just alone by myself.’
He paused, forcing himself to recall the exact sequence of events. ‘Brett and Anne were chatting by the tent when I left them. Ryan was bouncing and catching his ball. I went to my four-wheel drive. I had ropes and harnesses in the back. I fossicked around to find what I needed, taking more time than was necessary because of the bitterness in my heart.’
His fingers dug into her flesh. ‘The ball did go over the cliff, Natalie. I heard Ryan calling out for Daddy to get his ball for him. I picked up my gear, slouched out from behind the Range Rover, and saw Brett and Anne. They were embracing inside the tent. Ryan saw them. He started flailing at them with his fists and crying, “She’s not my Mummy!”’
‘Oh God!’ Tears spurted into Natalie’s eyes.
‘Then Ryan hurtled out of the tent. Brett broke away from Anne to follow him. He stumbled over a tent peg. I saw that Ryan was running blindly, straight towards the cliff edge. I yelled out to him. He took no notice. He was too upset by what he’d witnessed.
‘I started running, shouting. Brett picked himself up. He was closer to Ryan than I was. He ran as fast as he could, yelling and screaming at Ryan to stop. It was a mad, frantic dash. Ryan just kept going...without looking...over the edge...and Brett... Brett dived after him as though he could catch him in mid-air and somehow bring him safely back from the fall.’
Natalie flinched away, felt her path to an armchair and collapsed into it, weeping uncontrollably. Damien crouched beside her. A pile of tissues were pressed into her hand. He hugged her shoulders tightly and drew her other hand gently against his chest.
‘Please...go on,’ she begged, trying ineffectually to mop up the flow of tears. ‘Tell me...the rest. I want to know.’
With a heavy sigh Damien withdrew his embrace and moved away. He sat on the sofa opposite her, leaning forward, forearms resting on his knees, his eyes full of sympathy and concern as he told her what she wanted to know.
‘I had my mobile phone in the Range Rover. I ran back to it and called for help. I slapped Anne out of her hysteria. My mind was working in overdrive. My thoughts only for you. I told Anne what she was to say when help came. She understood. She would be the only witness. She would only have had a fragmentary glimpse of what happened. Neither she nor Brett would be implicated in Ryan’s death. There would be no scandal.
‘I went down the cliff on the ropes. When I reached the bottom, I worked my way around to where their bodies lay. They were together, Natalie. Brett’s arm was flung across Ryan. There was nothing anyone could do...for either of them.’
Natalie closed her eyes. Had Brett caught their son? Had he held him...held him tight? ‘He did love Ryan,’ she choked out, wanting it to have been that way...having the comfort of each other before the end came. ‘He was...mostly...a good father, Damien.’
‘If he hadn’t done what he did to you...he would have been...a good man.’
Natalie tried to stem a fresh flood of tears.
‘I hadn’t realised,’ Damien continued, ‘until that moment, how much Brett loved his son. I knew he was proud of him...as he was proud of you. I didn’t know he couldn’t bear losing Ryan.’
Natalie shook her head. It was more than that. In many ways she had known Brett better than Damien had. She swallowed hard several times, took a deep breath. This was the time for truth. For absolute truth. No holding back. Damien was shouldering blame and guilt that had to be shared by all of them. Herself included. She would come to that.
‘There was more than his love for Ryan involved in his headlong leap over the cliff, Damien. I’m sure of it. Brett couldn’t have borne knowing Ryan died because of what he’d done. He had to answer to me. It would have been the end of everything he cared about. It was the end. I think he knew that. Maybe not in any decisive way, but intuitively.’
Damien gave her words heavy consideration, then slowly nodded. ‘Perhaps, you’re right. If I hadn’t taken Anne, though—’
‘If I had gone, or kept Ryan at home with me...’ Natalie cut in purposefully.
‘You were sick.’
‘I wasn’t sick.’
Damien frowned, his eyes uncomprehending as though he couldn’t accept what she was saying.
‘I pretended to be sick. Because
I didn’t want to go. Because I couldn’t stand going...’
‘Why not? You liked camping. You liked the mountains, the outdoor life.’
She flushed. ‘You were going to be with us, Damien. For the whole weekend. You, living in the tent next to ours with whatever woman you took along. Because of that, Brett would want me. It always happened. The thought of you making love to another woman in the next tent. It had got to the point that I fantasised about you when he had sex with me. I hated myself for it. I couldn’t bear to go. I made myself sick thinking about it. I actually threw up.’
‘Why did you punish yourself like that? You had a right to say no.’
‘I’m telling you what happened, Damien. Please listen.’
His mouth tightened, holding his feelings in as he concentrated on her words.
