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But while I was taking all these pictures, Amanda kept slipping to the forefront of my mind.
Had I asked too much of her? The answer was obvious. I had. And I was worried that I’d pushed her away. If Amanda had left town, then I would have to explain what happened to Lanie.
The thought broke my heart as sat on the edge of my bed.
Maybe Amanda didn’t trust me. Maybe I was reading all of her signals wrong. I could’ve sworn she would’ve been okay with a plan like this. Between the tension growing between us, the bond she was forming with Lanie, and the fire in her eyes when we talked yesterday, I knew she would say yes. I knew she would be on board for something like this, especially since there was an easy way out of it in the end.
But instead, she had gone somewhere, and she hadn’t come back yet. Maybe what I thought we had, had simply been amazing sex. Deep in my gut though, I knew that wasn’t it. I knew we were more.
A marriage was a lot, though. There was explaining to Lanie what was going on and trying to get around her. There was all of the “getting to know you” bullshit that would have to occur. Moving Amanda in and trying to figure out how to live with another adult again. I hadn’t lived with anyone since my ex-wife. We would have to sleep in the same bed together, in case someone came around to do random checks.
Was that something that would happen? Would someone come around to try and validate our story?
I didn’t even know what all I was getting myself into. Was I willing to allow myself to share my everyday life with her? And if we were sleeping in the same bed with her beautiful, soft body pressed against mine, that shit, not to mention my dick, was going to be hard. She was an irresistible woman that had a pull on me I couldn’t explain. I gravitated toward her. Felt this uncontrollable urge to protect her. To give her whatever she wanted whenever she asked it of me.
I marveled at how much I had come to care for her in such a short period of time. What if I couldn’t let her go when it was all over? What if I won custody of Lanie and Amanda wanted out, but I didn’t? Would I be able to just dissolve the marriage and let her go?
I didn’t know the answer to that. All I knew for certain, was that I was willing to do absolutely anything that needed to be done in order to keep Lanie with me and away from her shithead father. I knew, without a doubt, that I was the better parent for her.
I hated that this decision could rest on the shoulders of a young woman I didn’t actually know all that well.
Then, I heard a sound that was music to my ears. I heard a car driving up the mountain. I strode over to the window while the nanny played with Lanie out back and watched Amanda’s car pull up to her cabin. She was back, and relief cascaded through my veins as I sighed.
Now that I knew she was safe, all I could do was wait.
An hour later, a knock came at my door. I sprung from the couch and ran to the door, then stopped to collect myself. I needed to stay calm. I couldn’t show her how dependent my hope on her was right now. She didn’t need that kind of pressure. I needed to keep myself calm for her.
I drew in a couple deep breaths as she knocked on the door again, then I opened and saw her standing on the porch.
Amanda was standing there holding a piping hot pan with cheese and sauce bubbling away. The meal smelled delicious as Amanda stood there with a smile on her face, and I stepped off to the side so I could let her in.
“I made lasagna,” she said as she came in.
“Smells wonderful,” I said.
“Where’s Lanie?” she asked.
“Out back with the nanny.”
“Oh. Tanya’s here?”
“She is. Lanie was happy to see her this morning. And so was I. I took some pictures of the home to send to my lawyer.”
“That’s good. Really good,” she said.
“Here. Let me take that.”
I took the hot pan from her hands and set it down on the table. I could hear Lanie giggling outside, and I knew Tanya would bring her in for food when she was ready. I grabbed a couple of plates and glasses for drinks, then I set the table so Amanda and I could sit down and eat lunch.
I wanted to keep moving so she wouldn’t see how badly my hands were shaking.
