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Alverstoke found her so exasperating that he was obliged to bite back a caustic rejoinder. It would certainly make her start to cry again, and lachrymose females ranked high on the list of his pet abominations. He thought it prudent to take his leave without disclosing the Alver-scheme to her. It was obvious that the silly girl had fallen violently in love with his equally silly cousin, and would probably revolt him with an attack of the vapours if she learned that she was shortly to be removed from Endymion’s ambit.
He was inclined to think that no very serious thought of matrimony had entered Endymion’s head, for as he had no idea that he was supposed to wish his heir to make an advantageous marriage he could not imagine why (if Endymion did want to marry Charis) the silly cawker had not applied to him for support. Endymion invariably laid all his problems before him, and he must know that his cousin’s influence would be of paramount importance. Probably he was passing through one of his fits of gallantry, and would soon recover from it. However, since Charis seemed to be developing a lasting passion, and was just the sort of girl to go into a decline if her hopes were blighted, the sooner the affair was nipped in the bud the better it would be: he would drop a word of warning in Endymion’s ear.
Since he had never done such a thing before this deviation from the normal operated powerfully on Endymion, but scarcely in accordance with his lordship’s intention. Endymion carried the news of the intervention to Charis, who turned as white as her shift, and exclaimed: ‘I knew it! He means to separate us! Oh, what are we to do?’
‘Well, what if he does?’ said Harry, on whom the lovers’ troubles and indecisions were beginning to pall. ‘You’re not dependent on him, are you, Endymion?’
‘No – that is, he makes me a devilish handsome allowance, y’know. I’ve about £2000 a year of my own – and the expectancy, of course, but to tell you the truth I never set much store by that. Well, what I mean is, who’s to say he won’t get buckled himself?’
‘Oh, I shouldn’t think he would! Not at his age!’ said Harry. ‘And if he doesn’t he can’t disinherit you, can he? Any more than he can have you sent off in a crack to foreign parts! I’m dashed if I can see why you should be in such a quake!’
‘It ain’t that,’ growled Endymion. ‘I mean, I’m not afraid of Cousin Vernon! It’s – it’s his sisters, and my mother, and Frederica! I daresay you don’t know.’
This inarticulate appeal for understanding touched a chord of sympathy. Harry had had no personal experience of the trials which Endymion so obviously feared, but he had the instinctive male dread of feminine storms. He said, in an awed voice: ‘Jupiter! I hadn’t thought of that! Lord, what a dust they would kick up!’
Endymion cast him a look of gratitude. ‘Ay, that’s it. Not my mother,’ he added scrupulously. ‘Never kicks up a dust, precisely.’
‘Well, if that’s so –’
‘Takes to her bed,’ said Endymion simply. ‘Spasms! Got a weak heart. If I was to tell her I was going to marry Charis, she’d go into strong convulsions: always does when any of us puts her in a stew! Then Cousin Harriet would send for that devilish doctor of hers, Halford, and I should have the pair of them ringing a peal over me as if I was a dashed murderer! Devilish unpleasant, y’know! Musn’t drive one’s mother to pop off the hooks: shocking thing to do! Besides, I don’t want to: fond of her!’
‘Oh, no, no!’ Charis said quickly. ‘I wouldn’t have you do so for the world! Poor Mrs Dauntry, how can she help but feel as she does? Oh, how sorry I am for her!’
Deeply moved, Endymion seized her hand, and kissed it fervently, informing her that she was an angel. Her brother, less enthusiastic, recommended her not to be mawkish; and told Endymion, bristling in defence of his adored, that he would sing a different tune when she began to be sorry for him too. ‘Which is what she will do, you mark my words!’ he said. ‘You may call it angelic to be for ever trying to please everyone, and being sorry for those she can’t please, but I don’t! Addle-brained is what I call it!’
‘Oh, no!’ uttered Charis imploringly.
‘Oh, yes!’ he retorted. ‘Told you so before! If you don’t take care, Charis, you’ll end by being sorry for yours
elf! All for the want of a little resolution! What if Mrs Dauntry and Frederica don’t like it? They’ll come round! And you needn’t look at me as ugly as bull-beef, Endymion, because I’ll say what I choose to my own sister!’
At this point, a diversion was created by Charis, who took the strongest exception to his unflattering description of her beloved Endymion’s noble demeanour, and rose to his defence with unaccustomed vigour. During the interchange which followed, Endymion, conceding to Harry his brotherly rights, became plunged in profound thought, from which he emerged presently, to startle the combatants by saying: ‘Ay, so they would!’ Perceiving that the two Merrivilles were staring at him with a sad want of comprehension, he added: ‘What you said, Harry! My mother, and Frederica! Come round! What’s more, if we could do the thing – get the knot tied! – without either of ’em knowing it, we should have it blocked at both ends! Well, what I mean is – no sense in kicking up a dust! no sense in having spasms! Come to think of it, no sense in getting me transferred, or sent on a curst mission, or some such devilish thing! Stands to reason!’
Charis’s soft eyes glowed with admiration of this powerful ratiocination, but Harry was unimpressed. ‘No, and there’s no sense in airmongering either! How the deuce could you get the knot tied without everyone’s knowing all about it? If you’ve got a notion of eloping with Charis, I’ll tell you to your head it won’t fadge! And if you think I’ll help my sister to sink herself below reproach, a mighty pretty notion you must have of me!’
‘Never, never would I do such a thing!’ declared Charis.
‘No!’ said Endymion, flushing darkly. ‘And a mighty pretty notion you must have of me, Harry, if you think I would either! Talk of loose screws – ! I wonder at it that you should allow Charis even to exchange the time of day with me!’
‘Oh, take a damper!’ said Harry. ‘Of course I don’t think it! But if you haven’t got elopement in mind, what have you got? I’m dashed if I can see any other way of doing the thing secretly!’
‘No,’ agreed Endymion gloomily.
‘Well, for God’s sake – !’
‘Haven’t got anything in mind,’ explained Endymion. ‘Just thinking it would be a devilish good thing if it could be done.’
Luckily, since Harry, striving to recover his breath, showed alarming signs of allowing his feelings to overcome him, the symposium was brought to an end by the clock on the mantelshelf, which, inexorably striking the hour, recalled Endymion to the realisation of his military duties. Taking hurried leave, he fled.
‘If ever I met such a knock-in-the-cradle!’ exploded Harry. ‘“Just thinking it would be a devilish good thing if it could be done – !” Yes, and another devilish good thing would be if either of you had as much rumgumption as a couple of sparrows! Only you haven’t, and it’s my belief you never will have!’
Charis burst into tears.
Twenty-six
Except that Harry, repenting of his harsh words, became reconciled with his sister, matters were in the same unsatisfactory state when the Hertfordshire party returned to London three days later.
Before her feet had touched the flagway, Frederica saw that Charis was looking pale and fagged; but in the bustle of arrival there was no opportunity for any private talk. Not until the baggage had been carried in, the servants greeted, Felix’s medicine unpacked, and Felix himself persuaded, not without difficulty, to retire to bed, to recover from the journey, was Frederica able to turn her attention to her sister. She then invited her to come to her own bedchamber, to help her to unpack her portmanteau, saying: ‘It seems as if I hadn’t seen you for months! I hope to heaven we never have to live through another such period!’
