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“It does to your father,” Caleb said. “That’s the whole reason he wants to keep us apart.”
“No, it isn’t,” I said. “He wants to keep us apart for the same reasons he wanted to ten years ago. He doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to be together.”
“He doesn’t think I’m good enough,” Caleb said. “And after what he told me, I’m not sure he’s wrong.”
“What does that mean?” I demanded.
“It means that I hurt you, Tara. I broke your heart. I left, and you were destroyed. That’s not okay.”
“You didn’t have a choice,” I said. “He sent you away.”
“I could have fought him,” Caleb said. “Maybe I should have.”
“We tried to,” I said. “We were going to run away together, remember?”
“But I changed my mind to protect you,” Caleb said. “Trust me, Tara, I remember.”
I fell silent. My eyes stayed locked on Caleb’s face, and I didn’t know what to say. My father didn’t have a right to bring up the past, especially not to Caleb. It was all so long ago. I never wanted to think about that time ever again.
It had broken my heart. I was destroyed, but that was over now. There were more important things to worry about, like my illness. As I looked at Caleb, I thought about telling him the truth. I knew he would be there for me. He would take me in his arms and ease my fears, but I was too scared. I didn’t even know how to face my cancer myself yet, how could I expect him to handle it?
I sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry about my dad,” I said. “He was wrong to bring up that shit.”
“I’m sorry for everything,” Caleb said. “The past and all.”
“Let’s not talk about the past,” I said firmly. “It’s over.”
Caleb nodded and finally smiled. It wa
s the first time I’d ever seen him truly vulnerable. Even when we were teenagers, he was always so hard and closed off. He opened up to me when he felt like it, but that wasn’t often. We loved each other so much, and now, ten years later, I still did. I loved Caleb more than I ever had, and I didn’t want to be away from him again.
Still, I felt conflicted. My illness changed things. Not only was this cancer serious, but it was also damn near incurable. The doctors didn’t even know how to start my treatments. The hope for my recovery was almost nonexistent. How could I let Caleb get close to me again when I might die? How could I risk letting him in, falling in love with him all over again, when my time might be limited?
Caleb and I ate dinner and talked lightly. We laughed, and things felt like normal between us, but I was preoccupied the whole time. My dad had been warning us to stay apart for years, but I’d never paid him any attention until now. With my diagnosis in mind, I wondered if my father was right. Were things with Caleb meant to continue? Or was this cancer a sign that I should pull away from him for good?
I didn’t have an answer, and I knew I wouldn’t for a long time. I loved him deeply, but I was sick. Dying. That wasn’t something I could ignore any longer.
Unable to hold myself together, I said good night and fled. I barely made it to my car before I was overcome with sobs. They wracked through my chest, tearing themselves free and overwhelming me. I tried to get home before another headache set in, but I didn’t make it.
I drove the final few minutes in a haze of fear and pain.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN - CALEB
I still didn’t know what was going on with Tara. She left my apartment quickly, barely saying goodbye before she fled to her car. I watched her leave, confused and frustrated. She said everything was fine. We talked about her father. We even discussed the past. It hurt me to think about that time, but I was glad we finally talked about it. When I left town, I didn’t think I had a choice. Darren was going to do everything he could to keep me away from Tara. No matter what we did or how hard we fought him, I knew we would never win.
We were kids, not even eighteen yet. Tara wanted to run away together. It seemed like the perfect plan. I was ready to start my life with her but then, I couldn’t do it. Tara was fucking brilliant. She graduated high school with a 4.0 and got accepted into one of the best colleges in the country. She was bound for amazing things and me? I would have held her back. There was no fucking way I would let that happen. So I gave up. I gave in to Darren’s demands and let him ship me off to finish high school at the military academy.
It wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing. Tara flourished. She found success in her career. My decision was hard, but I was still glad I made it. That was until I realized how much I hurt her when I left. I thought I was protecting her, but instead, I broke her heart. I felt like an ass, like the worst kind of man. As I thought about things, I wondered on and off whether Darren was right. Maybe, Tara really would be better off without me.
I couldn’t let myself dwell on that, though, not when Tara was pulling away from me. Something was going on with her, something serious. I knew it wasn’t about me. After she brought over Chinese food, I was reassured that her distance had nothing to do with our relationship. She was going through something, something that was very real. It held her attention no matter what she was doing and yet, she wouldn’t tell me a thing. I tried to get the truth out of her but I couldn’t. She said she was fine and changed the subject.
It was frustrating, but I was determined to find out the truth. It was her day off from the PT building, so I decided to take her out for the night. I called her, excitement brewing inside my chest. Just the prospect of seeing her was enough to bring a smile to my face.
“Hey,” I said when she finally answered. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Nothing,” she said. Her voice was weak. “No plans yet.”
“Let’s go out,” I said. “I’m going stir crazy being locked up in my apartment like this.”
