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Fuckin’ Laney. As much as Carter has been by Belle’s side, Laney has as well. It wasn’t an oversight on her part that Belle found out about the tea party. The one woman my daughter looks up to, who she feels safest with, has hurt Belle so deeply and without any regard in doing so.
“Stop, please!” Laney begs. “I can’t change things, Madden. I’m sorry. The preschool receives donations through charitable partners for hosting these events, and this is the largest fundraiser we have this fall. I had to send the invite just as protocol because the higher the attendance, the higher the donation will be. I didn’t consider how this could negatively affect Belle because I assumed I’d be the one to take her.” She blows out a breath and continues, “I truly did intend to talk to you or Maggie, Mad. I promise I did. The only excuse I have is that I forgot. I’m human.” Laney wipes at her face with the sleeve of her shirt and pinches her eyes closed as she pulls herself together. “But don’t you dare, not for one second, act as if I intentionally tried to hurt that baby. She’s as much mine as she is yours!”
Carter pulls Laney into his arms where she falls apart. The air in the room is stuffy, tense, but witnessing this moment between the two of them, knowing I invoked some pain in Laney, doesn’t make me feel any better about this shit at all.
“Drink your coffee and sober the hell up,” Carter bites out as he leads Laney out of the kitchen. Alone with my thoughts, I realize how lost I am in the single dad department. Everything is a mess, and I don’t know how to fix any of it.
I drink the coffee then refill my cup twice before Carter returns to the kitchen. I don’t even realize how much time has passed, I’m so wrapped up in my head.
He pours himself a cup of coffee and sits across from me, lacing his fingers together.
“Lan alright?”
“Are you?” Carter rebuts, his tone laced with ice.
That’s fair.
“I’m sorry, man. For bustin’ in here at w
hatever time of night it is, lashing out at Laney. Being a total dick in your house and disrespecting your wife.”
“What is going on with you, Mad?”
And if that ain’t the question of the night. I don’t even know how to answer. We don’t sit around and shoot the shit, talking about our feelins’. Men don’t do that. But I realize as I look at my best friend, my brother, that this is an offering to do exactly that.
“I wish I knew how to put it into words, Carter, I really do.”
“Don’t think about it, man. Just talk.”
And for the next two hours, Carter listens quietly, his body language calm, relaxed. He doesn’t show one ounce of judgment against me, simply understanding that I’m a man who’s failing his daughter more each and every day.
But can it really be perceived as a failure when I strive to give Belle the best life possible? Sure, I have shortcomings just like any-damn-body else, but I’m puttin’ one foot forward.
“You know what you need to do, Mad?”
“That’s a stupid question, brother. If I knew all the answers, I wouldn’t be in this predicament.”
“Chase the girl.”
“You’re serious? That’s your infinite wisdom?” Carter nods, cocksure of himself. “How much liquor did you have to drink tonight because it can’t be as easy as that.”
“Oh, it is, brother. You’ll figure it all out in time. Jordan’s the one for you. But she ain’t no easy catch. You gotta prove to her that you’re worth her love and devotion.”
“I got doubts, man,” I admit. “She’s too good for the likes of me.”
He nods and says, “Let her be the judge of that. But damn, she loves your kid, and she goes out of the way to be a friend. There’s more to your friendship with Jo than what you realize.” And maybe he’s right. Maybe if I show Jordan that I’m interested, no questions asked, she’ll take me seriously.
“Is Laney gonna be okay? I can’t believe I went off on her like that and didn’t pack an ass-kickin’.”
“Laney is strugglin’, Mad. The day we brought Belle home from the hospital … something in her changed. She always loved kids, that’s why she became a preschool teacher, but Belle gave her purpose. A reason to get up each morning and make a change in the life of every kid she teaches.” Carter pinches the bridge of his nose, irritation rolling off of him in rapid waves. “You don’t know the hell we’ve been through tryin’ to conceive a kid of our own.”
Carter pins me with a glare, and as if I’ve been punched in the fuckin’ gut, I gasp for the breath that was just knocked out of me. “I-I had no idea, Carter.”
“We don’t tell everyone everything. We try to deal on our own, but fuck if it ain’t hard. She’s shuttin’ down on me more and more, Mad. I feel like I’m losin’ her.”
“You’re full of shit. You do realize I’m jealous as fuck at what you have with Lan, right? A woman who loves you selflessly. She’s not just your wife, Carter; she’s your best friend. So you hit a bump in the road. That doesn’t mean she’s quittin’ ya.”
He shakes his head, not buyin’ into what I’m tellin’ him. “I hope you’re right, Mad. Damn if I don’t pray the words you just spoke aren’t the absolute truth. But I’m losin’ faith. Laney is convinced that we’re never gonna have a family of our own. Why do you think she clings so much to Belle? She feels like a momma to that little girl, although biologically, she ain’t. She’s loved Belle more than Casey ever has, Mad, and that has to count for something.”
