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My perfect life has been spun into a whirlwind of emotion over this last month. I had no intentions of moving back to Williamstown permanently. The coal mines was Daddy’s baby, and I need to carry on his work, for him. I owe that to him. But hell, having to face Colton Weston every damn day of my life, not sure I can do that.
When he pulled me deep into a kiss last night, I could still feel that magnetic pull I felt when we were just teenagers. Then when he held me tight, just a while ago when I broke down; the comfort of being in his arms again was undeniable. But I have to fight these feelings. I have to keep my walls built up around my heart, to protect me from anymore damage. I can’t take much more.
I need a sounding board, someone who is willing to listen to my bitching and help me put everything into perspective. So, I call Savannah, and ask her to join me for lunch. She has a lot more experience with men than I do.
I get to The Village Diner before Savannah, so I get a table, and order a glass of sweet tea. I take a look around the restaurant, and memories begin to flood back of my teen years. Colton brought me here often on dates. I absolutely love the fried chicken and sweet sea. Suddenly, I can remember Friday night lights, movie date nights, and evenings out with our friends. I can feel the anxiety creep up from my chest to my throat. Just as I’m being whisked away on the dance floor in my memory, I hear a roaring engine rumbling into the parking lot of the diner. I look out the window, just as the bike stops, and the engine is shut off. Immediately, he has my attention. Colton who?
His rugged jeans hug his thick thighs, making me wonder how well they hug other areas of his body; his white t-shirt is stretched tight across his hard, tanned chest and shoulders, showing a tattoo on his right arm that looks like it goes over the shoulder to his back. He has on a black UK Wildcats hat turned around backwards, but I can tell he has dark hair, just long enough to run my fingers through and grab on to. Oh I’d totally pull his hair. What the hell? Where did that come from!? He has a thick five o’clock shadow. Removing his aviator glasses, I see icy blue eyes peering back at me. His eyes are fierce, but there is a softness I see in his baby blues that he tries to hide.
As he sits on his motorcycle, I can’t take my eyes off him. I keep wondering what it would be like to ride behind him, my arms wrapped securely around his waist and my thighs tightly against his. He is the perfect image of badass biker. He feels my deadpan glare, and our eyes lock. Embarrassed that I have been caught staring down this sexy man, I quickly grab the menu to divert my attention. With one last glance, I notice a devious grin across his sexy face.
Shaking my head, I roll my eyes. I return my attention to the menu, just as the bell over the door dings. It takes every ounce of strength in me not to look in his
direction. As he sits down a few tables away, he smiles wide at me. Oh my god he has a panty melting smile.
Savannah finally makes her appearance, better late than never. I stand and embrace her in a deep, warm hug. It’s been a couple weeks since I have seen her, but I’m glad we live close enough that I can call on her when I’m in desperate need of advice, like today.
We sit together and make small talk as we both look over the menu, deciding what we want to eat. I’m dead set on the fried chicken dinner, complete with mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans and a homemade biscuit. My mouth waters just thinking of it, or maybe it’s the hottie a few tables away. I notice he keeps stealing glances at me, which flushes my cheeks with embarrassment and excitement.
The waitress takes our order, and we make small talk until our food is brought out. All the while, mister badass biker keeps his eyes on me. Very flattering.
Savannah and I finish our meal, while she catches me up on the fun times as Momma to six-year-old twin terrors. I try hard to keep my gaze set on Savannah, but his mesmerizing blue eyes are holding me captive. Just as I break our stare, he stands from his table, and walks to the counter. The waitress is just as stunned by his glorifying beauty, as any woman with a pulse should be. Without one last glance, he leaves the diner. Saddling onto his bike, he graces me with one last divine smile, then roars the bike to life, with a throttling rumble. Savannah sees that I am affected by mister badass, and just giggles to herself.
“What’s so funny, Savannah Marie?”
“You!! My god, I’m surprised you didn’t pop an eye out of socket as hard as you were glaring at that man!” She cackles loudly. I roll my eyes in annoyance. Damn, can’t even look at a fine ass man.
“Okay, calm down, toots, what’s got your panties all bunched up? I was just kiddin’. I could
tell you’re upset when we talked on the phone, so tell me what’s botherin’ ya.” Savannah pleads. Taking a deep breath, I pick up my menu, and choose my dessert, trying to put off this vent session. There is so damn much going on with me, I really don’t know where to begin, and I’m scared once I start, I’ll not stop. Calling the waitress over, we order dessert. I take a deep breath and begin.
“Okay, you know this is all a big change for me, Daddy passing, moving back home, and taking over the business.” Savannah nods, willing me to continue. “It’s a lot to take on, but I can handle it. What’s really bothering me is Colton Weston. I had no clue that he still worked at Simon Energy. Even that, I can deal with. But he is the damn Superintendent, now. His office is just right down the hall from mine, and I have to interact with him every day. The bastard is relentless. He came over last night, unannounced. He says there is some things we need to discuss, and he wants us to work through it all, and get back together, but I,” just then, Savannah spews tea from her mouth, surely in shock.
Wiping my face, I shoot her a ‘what the hell’ look.
“Carly, oh shit, this is big, like real frickin’ big!!! What did you say?” Savannah asks.
“I didn’t know what to say. Savannah, you have no idea how bad he hurt me. He left me broken, and I’m scared if I uncage my heart, he’ll crumble me this time.”
Just as I finish my sentence, the waitress is serving us our dessert. By now, my stomach is a shaking mess, so I just pick around at the plate, completely uninterested in the delectable peanut butter fudge cheesecake that sits before me.
“Carly Jo, you’ve barely touched your cheesecake, now I know shit just got real! So tell me, what are you gonna do?”
“Hell, that’s what I need your help with! I don’t know what to do. I never moved on after Colton broke my heart, but I don’t know that I can trust him. I want to, but I’m not sure I should.” I yell in frustration.
“What’s your heart tellin’ ya?”
I sit there for a moment, thinking. I hadn’t even considered what my heart wants. I just know that my brain is sending me mixed signals of fear, excitement, happiness, lust. “I just want to feel whole again. To be completely honest, if I’d never came home, I would have been content loving him from a distance, because I’ve dealt with a shattered heart this long. But now that I see him every day, I just don’t know that I can resist being without him. Colton is the only man I’ve ever known, the only man I want.”
“Wait, do you mean to tell me you haven’t been with anyone since Colton?” Savannah asks, with a puzzled look on her face. I blush at my admission, and nod.
“Oh, Carly, honey why? Has it been that hard to move on?”
I can hear the pity in Savannah’s voice, but it is so hard to explain to anyone the heartache I suffered when Colton let me go. I experienced so much loss, in such a short amount of time, and at such a young age. It was just hard to recover. I’ve moved on in so many ways in my life, but I never recovered from the shattered heart Colton Weston left me with. He was my first love, and will forever be embedded deep within my soul.
“I love him, Savannah. Colton has always held the key to my heart, and although he broke it, the shattered shards are only his to piece back together. As hard as it is going to be to hear whatever he needs to reveal, I guess I need to hear the truth so hopefully we can heal together, as one. I’m tired of being alone.”
Finally, I’m able to be honest with myself, but I’m still scared shitless. I still harbor the dark secret of the pregnancy. Nobody knows I was pregnant besides Daddy, and he took that secret to the grave with him. Colton deserves to know, but damn, it’s such a sorrowful memory that I don’t want to dredge it up.
