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“Too much stress in such a short amount of time. The oxy just wasn’t curin’ my cravins’ any longer. I needed more. So, I started snortin’ coke. I hid it well. I’d only get my fix on my last haul of the night. But one night, I nearly killed myself, ridin’ high. I hit black ice and slammed in to the hillside going fifty-five miles per hour. I was a lucky son of a bitch, just a few cracked ribs.
“After I was released from the hospital, I was arrested and charged with DUI. Pops couldn’t even look at me, he was so disgusted. When I walked into the court room at the arraignment, I searched the faces of every individual in there, looking for Pops, but he wasn’t there. But Big John was. Sittin’ in the back by the doors. He paid my bail, but before takin’ me home, he made me make a promise to him. Your daddy told me that it was all his fault that you had left, that he shouldn’t have stuck his nose in our relationship. He was merely protectin’ his princess. He
wanted me to get my life straightened out, so when you did come home, you would come home to your Colton, the man you had fallen in love with when we were just kids. Not the shell of a man I had become.”
I look down at Carly Jo, and she’s expressionless. I trail my finger slowly up her arm, but she doesn’t move, she is froze solid, by my side. “So, the story of the tattoo is my broken heart. With you in my arms, my heart beats strongly, pumpin’ blood through to my other organs, keepin’ me alive. But when you left, it felt like you ripped my heart straight from my chest, leavin’ my heart to die in your hands.
“These lines represent my heartbeat, and the blood that flows through my heart. But when you ripped my heart in half, the blood stopped pumpin’, and I died inside. I was literally lifeless. That’s why half of the heart, the half with your name through it, is still red and vibrant. Because I can only live with you.” I grasp her hand and place it on my heart, so she can feel the beating against my chest. “But without you, baby,” I close my eyes, shakin’ my head at the thought, “without you, my heart is hardened, black and dead.”
I tug her tighter to my side, and wipe away the tears that are free fallin’ from her gorgeous hazel eyes. Carly Jo cradles her arms tight around her waist, embracin’ herself, as she pulls away from me. Her silent tears turn to wrack sobbin’ cries. I just let her cry. It crushes my heart, but she has to let the pain out. Smoothin’ the dark waves down her back, I try to comfort her, while she releases her heartache.
“I-I’m s-s-s-soooo s-ss-sorrry, Colton. S-ssoo ss-sssorrry.”
“Shhhhh, please, darlin’. Please don’t cry anymore.” Pressing her cheek to my chest, I whisper softly in her ear, “Listen, do you hear that? My heart is beatin’, but only because I have you. I love you, Carly Jo. Please, no more tears. When you cry, my heart wants to break. I need you, sweetheart. Please, just listen to the beat of my heart, and know that you’re the reason it beats.”
Carly
I lay, curled next to Colton’s warm body, and listen to him tell me the story of his tattoo. The deeper he gets into the story, the louder my heart screams. The tattoo, a simple heartbeat line that flows into a vibrant red heart. Reaching the shatter in the center of the heart, the heartbeat flat lines, as blood drips in the middle. The other half of the heart is black, and dead. Through the heartbeat, my name is scrolled in script.
Seeing this tattoo, hearing the story behind it, as Colton describes the last seven years of his own personal hell, makes me realize, I did this to him. I caused him gut wrenching anguish. All because I left. I…broke…him.
Wrapping my arms tight around my waist, I pull away from Colton, hugging myself tight. I don’t deserve his touch. I don’t deserve him. All this time, I have blamed Colton for leaving me. But that isn’t true. I left him. I was unreasonable. I could have saved us both from seven years of gut ripping heart ache, but I was young and stupid. If I hadn’t ran, we could have faced our struggles together. We would have had our child, we would have our happily ever-after. It would have been an uphill battle, but our love would have pulled us through. But there is no turning back now. What’s done, is done. In the past. Although I don’t think I can ever forget. I can never forgive myself for destroying our family.
Colton wraps his strong arm around my waist, and tugs me tight to his side. Running his nose up the side of my jaw, he wipes away my tears. “Don’t you dare pull away from me like that, baby. Don’t reject me now. No more tears. My heart breaks a little more each time a tear escapes your gorgeous hazel eyes. Please, baby, no more cryin’.”
Colton holds me tight, until I cry my last tear. He caresses my back and whispers sweet words of love into my ear, until my breathing calms. When I have finally settled down, Colton places a sweet soft kiss on my lips.
Glancing over at the clock on the night stand, he releases a deep sigh, then stands to dress. One look at his tightly sculpted ass, my core clinches and all pain is erased momentarily from my thoughts. As he pulls his shirt down his chest, he smirks, “like what’cha see, darlin’?”
My cheeks redden, but I can’t help but to reply, “Hell yes!” His eyes grow passionate and he pulls me up from the bed, tight to his chest, as he grips my hair tight in his fist.
“Baby, I’d enjoy nothing more than to make love to you again, but you have worked up my appetite. It’s dinner time.”
I sigh deeply, then reach up on my toes and kiss his cheek. Colton smiles, then stares deep into my eyes, and says, “Stay with me tonight, baby.” He doesn’t ask…he demands. Nerves twist into knots in my stomach, as I feel anxiety creep into my chest.
“Colton, I’
d love to. I-I just don’t know. I don’t think I could stay in your parent’s home. I think it would be disrespectful.” Colton laughs. Yep, he just laughs at me.
“Baby, get your things. You’re stayin’ with me tonight, end of discussion. Now get movin’.”
Colton breaks our embrace and turns to leave the room, just as I begin to protest. Throwing his hand up, he stops me, “Ah, don’t even. Get your things, and be downstairs in five minutes, or we’ll be late for supper. Scoot, woman.”
I toss the necessities in a gym bag quickly, then pad down the stairs in search of Colton. He is standing in the kitchen, with his hand on the refrigerator door, just staring.
“Hey, I’m ready.” He doesn’t reply. I move closer to him, and see that he is staring at the picture that Heidi Jo drew for me. Laying my hand on his arm, I ask him if he is ok. He gives me a blank stare, then pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah, I’m good. Let’s get goin’. I’m sure Heidi Jo’s in fits wantin’ to see her daddy.”
Chapter 18
Carly
In the truck, Colton keeps a firm grip on my thigh, as he navigates the winding back country roads. He smiles down at me and winks every so often, in classic Colton fashion.
As we pull into the driveway of his parent’s house, we are greeted by the sassy little Heidi Jo. Heidi Jo is sporting black leggings, printed with silver, sparkly skulls, a silver top, hot pink chucks, and her signature hot pink tutu. She is the sassiest little six-year-old I’ve ever met. Her personality is so bubbly and bright. She comes bouncing down the side walk, bursting with excitement, squealing at the sight of her Daddy.
“Daddy, Daddy! I’m so glad you’re home!”
