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Just as we remove the turkey from the oven, the doorbell rings, and Brailee and Braden both break their necks, rushing to the front door to open it. Squeals and laughter erupt from the living room, as they are reunited with my momma, Elizabeth. Savannah pads off to greet her. Me, I stay behind, hidden in the kitchen trying to appear too busy to break away from my task.
After a few minutes, they all come into the kitchen, and Momma shouts, “Oh my goodness, Carly Jo, I didn’t think you’d come!” as she rushes to embrace me. She wraps her small arms around my neck, and gives me a long, tight squeeze, then holds me out at arm’s length, turning me around, looking me over.
“I can’t believe it. You are a striking young lady. I’m just in awe.” She gasps, grasping her chest. I can feel my cheeks redden at her excitement. I feel as if every pair of eyes in the room are trained on me, and I have never been one to draw attention to myself.
“Glad to see you too, Momma. You look gorgeous as always. Ain’t you supposed to be gettin’ old? You have grandkids now!” I kid with her, trying to lighten the mood. What mood? My own I guess, as everyone else is relishing in the moment.
Savannah, Momma, and I set the table, and Josh begins to carve the turkey. For the first time in many many years, the Simon ladies are all together for Thanksgiving. We join hands to say a prayer of thanks, then prepare our plates to enjoy what I hope will be a delicious dinner. We eat quietly for the first few minutes, before Momma finally speaks up, and begins to make conversation with the twins. Savannah joins in, while Josh and I both eat quietly, neither of us acknowledging the other, or the conversation.
As soon as I have cleaned my plate, I don’t even bother with gorging myself with holiday seconds. I’m tense and annoyed. So I start to clean the kitchen, trying to busy myself. Savannah and Momma join me a short while later, but I urge them both to leave the mess to me, shoving pumpkin pie and coffee in their direction. Savannah can’t resist pumpkin pie, so she happily takes it, turning on her heels, with Momma and Brailee following promptly behind her. I put away all of the leftovers, start the dishwasher and finish cleaning the kitchen. Within an hour, everything is sparkly clean again.
The house is quiet. Josh and Brayden are snoozing away on the couch, while the sounds of helmets clashing and angry grumbles erupt from the speakers of the television. I can hear Momma and Savannah talking in the family room, and I fight with myself over joining them. I have too many questions for her, I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to ruin the holiday for Savannah and her family by creating drama.
I pad down the hall to the family room, peeking my head in. Maybe I can keep the conversation light. Their conversation doesn’t falter as I enter. I sit down on the end of the couch, pulling my knees up to my chest, and bracing my arms tightly around my legs.
Momma is talking about the cruise she and Garrett just returned from the Bahamas. She explains the island oasis in detail, lush with green palm trees stretching far into the clear blue sky and the tranquil crystal blue water that you can see through, deep into the ocean. They spent their days lounging on the white sandy beaches, letting the sounds of the ocean waves crashing against the shore, lull their relaxation. I’ve never been to the Bahamas, but I know the sound she is describing, and in this moment, I miss my life back in Myrtle Beach.
I close my eyes, and remember the last day I spent on the beach. I imagine the cool grainy sand massaging my feet as I pad across the beach to the shoreline. The water is crisp, but refreshing against my skin. I sit down, toes in the water, ass in the sand, and look up at the cloudy blue sky. It’s a beautiful fall day, the wind breezing through my hair. I continue imagining my personal oasis, as I lace my fingers behind my head and imagine laying back on the cold damp sand. Just as I drift deeper into my thought, Momma speaks up, startling me.
“Carly, are you planning to take a nap, right here, right now? My heavens child, I’m sure Savannah can show you to the guest room, if you are that tired.” She sneers, as she sips her coffee.
She has always been prim and proper, one quality that I despise. I stretch my arms towards the ceiling, and inhale a deep breath, saddened by my surroundings. The clear ocean air is heaven, compared to that damn pumpkin scented candle that Savannah has burning. What the hell is it with her and pumpkin?
“No, Momma, I was just listening to you, telling us about the Bahamas, and got carried away with my imagination.” I add, rolling my eyes at her.
“I’m gonna lay Brailee down in her bed. Why don’t you two catch up? I’ll give you some time alone.” Savannah says, lifting a sleeping Brailee into her arms, and tip toeing out of the room. The room falls silent, as tension smothers me and Momma. She looks to me, then down at her coffee, scrunching her forehead. I bite my lip then crack my knuckles.
“Oh heavens, you still crack your knuckles. I cringe at that sound. Your father taught you that nasty habit. I swear when you were little, you were stuck to him like glue, always on his lap, sipping his coffee, following right behind him wherever he went.” She sneers, shaking her head. “You know, I had to dress you in sweatpants, and t-shirts instead of hair bows and frilly dresses for too long, because you were always going to the mines with him. It’s a wonder you ever became a cheerleader, and no
t a tom boy.” She laughs, then sips at her coffee.
“Momma, why did you and Daddy divorce? Why did you leave Savannah and me?” I spit out quickly. Momma’s face falls and she huffs.
“Damn it, Carly, do we really have to go through this again? You are a grown woman, you should understand by now that some people just aren’t meant to be together. In fact, isn’t that why you ran away, because you couldn’t handle Colton Weston’s rejection?”
I sit up, straightening my back as I take a deep breath, and try to guard my voice from the scream that is dying to escape me. “Damn me? Damn you! You’re our momma, and you left us! Was your life so miserable, being married with two little girls that as soon as you found your escape you ran away, leaving us behind? And yea, I bolted when Colton and I broke up, but perhaps that’s the only damned thing I ever learned from you, was to run when life gets tough!” I can feel the heat in my face, as my blood boils, and my temper flares. Momma’s face goes white and she begins to gasp, as if the breath has been sucked right from her. She stands up, and walks over the window, peeking out, taking heavy breaths. I sit back, and continue chewing on my lip. The tension between us is terrifying, and in this moment, I debate fight or flight. I’ve already opened up this can of worms, and since she possibly holds the answer to my questions, I decide to fight. Just as I open my mouth to smart off again, Momma speaks up.
“Carly, you were young, and there are so many things that you don’t remember. You loved your daddy. He was your world. Lord, rest his soul. There is no sense in tarnishing your memory of John. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t. All I can do is be the Momma you deserve now.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. I’m twenty-five, Momma! You walked away from us when I was just seven. What would make you think you would be welcomed back in open arms after only seeing me a few times over these last eighteen years? That’s not how this works. You missed the greatest moments of my childhood, teen years, and because of that you’ll miss my adult life.”
“Do you think that I don’t hurt over everything that I missed in your’s and Savannah’s lives? I do, and I hate myself for not being there each and every day. Did you ever consider that I wasn’t allowed to participate in your lives? There are two sides to every story, Carly. You better remember that.” Momma says, as tears begin to fall down her cheeks.
“Was that the situation? Did Daddy keep you from us?” I’m so confused!
Momma wipes her cheeks with a Kleenex, stifling back the tears. “I’m not going to slander your father, Carly. But there is so much more to the story, than you know.”
“Damn it, I need answers. Why is everyone so secretive in this family? Tell me! Screw scarring his good name. That ship has sailed. I know more than you think, but there are still so many damn holes in the story, I need the gaps filled in. I need the truth!”
Momma’s mouth drops and she freezes at the window. She stares at me briefly, then turns her back to me, staring out the window at the snow kissing the ground. “You want honesty, young lady? Carly, your father did everything in his life, for personal gain. He was a greedy, selfish bastard. He was a dishonest, unfaithful thief of life. Karma served him well.” Her voice is harsh and cold. I walk to her, and slide my hand in hers. I look deep into her big brown eyes, and slip two small words from my lips.
“Drew Varney.” She rips her hand from mine, grasps her chest with one hand, covering her mouth with the other. Her eyes are wide and fearful. “Momma, what’s wrong?” I ask, knowing the answer. That name haunts her as much as it does me.
“Where did you hear that name from, Carly?” she asks me, looking down at the floor.
“I found it on some paperwork in Daddy’s office. Just curious if you knew the connection between the two of them. Judging by your reaction, I would say you do. Now, I think you owe me some answers.”
“Carly, Savannah can’t know. She would die.”
