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“What the hell you got to be sorry ‘bout, Savannah?”
“I put Carly in harms way.”
“Savannah, don’t you dare put the blame on your shoulders. I told Carly months ago that she needed to tell you about the real connection with Drew Varney. But she knew something was up with you, and she didn’t know if you could handle it. I’d put a stop to Josh myself, but Carly begged me not to. She tried to protect you, Savannah. None of this shit is your fault. Or Carly’s.” Colton’s furious and I can’t blame him.
“He’s right, Savannah. I want you to move into Daddy’s house. Colton and Luke can move you and the kids in before they release you from the hospital, so when you go home you don’t have all the memories and nightmares haunting you. It will be a fresh step towards a new life.”
“I’ll think about it. Colton, do you mind going to get the kids. I really need to see them.”
“I’ll go.” Luke says as he enters the room. “Colton needs to be with Carly. I’ll be back shortly.” He nods to me before turning on his heels and leaving.
While I wait for Luke to return with Brailee and Braden, Carly fills me in on the Lifetime Movie in the making that is my life, trying to catch me up to speed on all that I’ve been oblivious too. From the destruction at Black Ridge, to her battle with Drew and the trust company that Daddy secretly left Josh when he died. The most unbelievable and painful part of it all is that everything could have been prevented had Daddy not been so dishonest. He buried his secrets so deep he didn’t expect anyone would find them. Not only did he have a second family, a bastard son that we knew nothing about, but he had been in business with Josh and Drew for years with Black Pike.
Black Pike has been in the news for the last year or so. The company is claimed to be responsible for pumping coal slurry into the ground that eventually seeped into water wells tainting the water supply which has caused a number of illnesses and property damage. They apparently thought they were clever hiding behind an anonymous trust, but Carly’s attorney Michele was able to uncover the company’s ownership. Unfortunately for Josh, since Daddy was kind enough to leave Black Pike in his power, all damages will fall onto him.
Damn, I really must have had my head buried deep in the sand all this time. I’m so stupid to have lived in a fairytale world, more worried that my damn mask might fall off and reveal the lies I hid, rather than seeing my life for all that it was-one big fat lie. Our lives have been shaken and rattled because of deceit. Daddy always taught Carly and me to stay strong, love hard and be proud of everything we do. I have no idea how he managed to teach us those three things when he wasn’t strong enough to be honest with himself about the lies he kept. He didn’t love us enough to protect us. And he was so ashamed of his own son that he hid his identity. Who does that?
The nurse comes in to make her rounds, so Carly and Colton tell me they’ll come back later to check in on me. The nurse removes the catheter, checks my vitals then walks me through the hallway before helping me settle back in my room.
I lay my head back against the fluffy pillow and close my eyes as exhaustion sets in. My mind is a jumbled cluster of thoughts and I just want to push it all aside. The physical pain pales in comparison to the soul crushing heartache that I feel. I feel raw and empty.
The door swings open wide and Brailee and Braden bursts into the room, with tears streaming down their smiling faces. “Momma!” They scream as they rush towards my bed. I wrap my arm around my babies and hold them tight kissing all over their faces. It hurts so bad to move, for them to pull and tug on me, but having my babies in my arms, knowing their safe pushes the pain to the back of my mind. Looking up I see Luke in the corner by the door watching us with a small smile on his face. I smile back at him, wipe the tears from my face and mouth “thank you.”
Chapter 35
RECOVERY
re•cov•ery noun ri-'k?-v?-re, -'k?v-re
: the act or process of becoming healthy after an illness or injury : the act or process of recovering
: the act or process of returning to a normal state after a period of difficulty
: the return of something that has been lost, stolen, etc.
How do you recover from a lifetime of pain?
I’ve heard people say they are broken when the going gets tough, giving up on life. But for me, the going got tough, the tough chickened out and blew this Popsicle stand like there was no tomorrow, leaving behind a weakened, defenseless woman.
So here I am recovering not just from taking the beating of my life, being left behind by my bastard husband for dead. I’m also recovering from the lifetime of heartache and pain I’ve endured; recovering from the lies I was told for far too long. I’m recovering from ten years of my life stolen by a devious bastard, whose intent was to bend me, break me, and shatter me. He fully completed his mission, but he didn’t count on the fact that although I transformed into a lifeless shell, that somewhere deep inside there was still a glint of courage, a small sliver of strength left in my frail body.
After spending six days in the hospital, I was finally released. Luke and the kids picked me up from the hospital and after an impromptu stop for ice cream, he brought us to Daddy’s house where Colton is unpacking the rest of the boxes from my old house. Carly is still on bed rest, so she sits perched on a barstool with her legs crossed beneath her butt barking out orders like she’s the damn Queen of England. It fits her bossy ass, what can I say?
Calling my childhood home home again after all these years feels strange. I feel like everything I’ve ever known to be truth has been in fact a lie and all those lies began here. Everyone notices my uneasiness and slips on the kid gloves, handling me with care. Colton insists on ordering pizza for dinner, so I wouldn’t try to cook. Carly insists on baking cookies with the kids after they bathed. Luke insists on staying. I literally laughed in his face, because I thought he was kidding. He had spent six nights in the hospital watching my every move. Was he not sick of me by now?
When Carly, Colton and Heidi Jo leave, I say goodbye to Luke, pushing him out the front door behind them. I’m not trying to be mean, but after a week without my kids I need time alone with them. Time to explain the changes that are taking place in our lives.
We all pile up in the bed with a plate full of cookies and glasses of chocolate milk. The twins are young, but not seeing Josh for a week while I was in the hospital was enough to open up their line of questioning. I debated for days on what to tell them, but I quickly realized that our lives had been ripped apart because of lies, and I can’t continue that vicious cycle regardless of how painful the truth might be. Once they finish their snacks, I set the plates and glasses on the nightstand before gathering my strength to crush their littler hearts.
“Babies, there is no easy way to tell you two what needs to be said. First, I want you both to know that Mommy and Daddy love you two with everything in our hearts.” Brailee and Braden nod their heads. “Daddy won’t be coming home for a very long while. We’re gonna live here, and we’ll pick up the pieces and put our lives back together.”
“Where’s Daddy? Where’s he gonna live?” Braden asks, and my heart cracks for my sweet little boy. He clings to Josh’s side every chance he gets and knowing that he won’t have his Daddy to teach him to grow into a man is bittersweet. I’m glad that he won’t have the types of influences that Josh would teach him, but nonetheless every little boy needs a man in their life.
“Little man, I don’t know where Daddy is gonna live, but he won’t be with us. Momma’s gonna take good care of you though.” I don’t lie, because I have no idea what prison Josh will be living at and I really don’t care.
“Will we still get to see Uncle Drew? He can take care of us while Daddy’s away?” Brailee asks.
“No baby. We can’t see Uncle Drew. I’m sorry.” The twins immediately fall apart and each tear that falls from their sweet little eyes
