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“Oh my God, what the HELL are you doing?” She screams walking into the kitchen.
“Cleaning.” I say boringly. “It’s filthy up here…I can’t have any dirt in the house when my little monkey comes home.”
“Carly, dirt grows everywhere. Sweets, you can’t stand on the damn counter top and clean the tops of the cabinets. Hell, you can’t worry about all the tiny places you’ll find dirt or you’ll work Colton’s ass off all weekend long moving the fridge, washer, dryer and all the furniture.”
Yeah, he’s still pissed at her over that. The following Saturday instead of getting to go fishing with Luke, we had a huge cleaning party instead. Walls were scrubbed, furniture was rearranged, carpets were shampooed and the ceramic tiles were waxed. All while I sat comfortably in Colton’s fluffy leather recliner, munching on popcorn and bunch-a-crunch, barkin’ out orders at Savannah, Luke and Colton.
These four walls are closing in on me and I really just want to get out of the house and breathe in some fresh air. Wait? I don’t think that’s possible in coal polluted Williamstown.
Anyways, I’m off to see Kaylee and Dr. Staton today for some adult interaction and I’ll gladly welcome the heavy sulfur scented air as I drive through town with the windows down. The heat in late summer is blistering and I’m dying to quench up the sun. Today is my final appointment before the baby, hopefully. Colton asked Savannah to drive me to the doctor since he’s working so fiercely to keep Simon Energy running smoothly and will be taking a week off once the baby is born. It’s nice having Savannah so much closer now that she lives at Daddy’s house. The kids have spent the most of summer together and family cookouts are almost a nightly thing.
Gathering my purse, keys and phone, we lock up the house and head out for our little adventure. How sad is that? A trip to the OB/GYN has now been upgraded to an adventure. Holy shit if this is anything what parenthood will be like, please God save me now!
The ride to Dr. Staton’s office is much quieter than the last. The kids were so rambunctious. Hoping to settle them down, Savannah turned on Frozen. So we had three seven year olds loudly singing along with Olaf about summer, one proud mom who thinks their earsplitting shrills are just adorable and one pregnant bitch on the edge of a psychotic break. Yippee, happy times. Lucky for me and my nerves they are all in school today.
“Ooooh, sweeeeets!!!!” Kaylee calls holding the door open. My God even her enthusiasm annoys me. I glower at her as I squeeze my belly past her. “Damn, who pissed in your Crunch Berries?”
“Crunch berries? Really, Kaylee?”
“Hey, I don’t like Cheerios. Pissy woman. What’s eatin’ ya?” Kaylee asks, making quick work as she checks my vitals and marks my chart.
“I’m tired, bed rest is agonizing and every little damn thing is under my skin. I’ve cleaned the house so much that Colton gags over the smell of Lysol. I’m annoying myself.” I grit my teeth, forcing myself to smile.
“Oh stop your whining, you big baby. If you think it’s bad now, just wait until the baby is born. You’ll wish you’d slept more now when that little bundle of joy is screaming for a tit at three AM.” She laughs leading me to an exam room. “You know the drill. Dr. Staton will be by in just a few minutes. Kick back and relax a bit.”
Sliding my yoga pants off, I hop up on the table, and cover myself with the thin paper sheet, then piddle with my phone while I wait impatiently for Dr. Staton. Twenty minutes later she and Kaylee enter the room. “Good morning, Carly. I hear someone’s a grumpy butt today.” She giggles, glancing over my chart. Snapping gloves over her hands she begins the exam, measuring my belly and listening to the little monkey’s heartbeat on the Doppler. “Thirty nine weeks! You’re little monkey could come any day now really. Are you excited?” She asks trying to distract me from the discomfort of the vaginal exam.
“Excited, nervous, scared. I’m just an emotional, flaming hot mess.” I shrug.
“It’s to be expected.” She says as Kaylee helps me raise up. “Well, everything looks great. You’re cervix is closed, the baby’s heart beat is strong. Try to stay off your feet and,”
“Keep your ass off the counter tops!” Kaylee rudely interrupts her, busting out into laughter.
Dr. Staton snickers, glowering at Kaylee, “Yes, dear. No climbing, please. We’ll see you in a week unless your little monkey decides to grace us with her presence before then.”
“Oh, Dr. Staton.” I ask quickly, catching her just as she’s about to leave the room. “Since I’m already out on yard time is it okay if I do some last minute shopping today? Colton seems to think by bed rest I need to stay locked up inside the house and I am positively going stir crazy. Seriously, the man is lucky to still be alive.”
“Sure, just take it easy.”
I sigh in relief. I have no last minute shopping to do, I just want to be outta the damn house. Getting dressed, I quickly check out with the receptionist before meeting Savannah in the waiting room. “Let’s go have lunch, and maybe do some shopping.”
Savannah crinkles her nose up and says, “I think I better take you home. Colton doesn’t want you moving around too much.”
“Oh the hell with him. I’ve already cleared it with Dr. Staton. Let’s go, I’m starving.” She sighs, rolling her eyes as she follows me down the hallway to the elevator.
“Where are we grabbin’ lunch from?”
I bite down on my lip and think before answering, “We have a few hours before we have to pick the kids up, so let’s stop by the mall first then we can go to the Village Diner for lunch. I’d love to have some peanut butter waffles and peanut butter fudge cheesecake.” My mouth waters instantly.
“Ugh, Carly. Colton is still mad at me over the whole cleaning debacle. I’ll for sure be on his shit list after today.” She says pulling out of the parking lot.
After three hours of shopping, we finally make it to the Village Diner for lunch. Colton is pissed in the wind that I’ve been waddling my fat ass through the mall all day, but I feel really good and they say walking helps push ya into labor, right? And God knows how happy I’ll be to finally push this little monkey out.
“Are you and the kids still planning to come over tomorrow?”
“Yeah, we’ll be there. I meant to get him a gift while were at the mall, but someone refused to leave Babies ‘R’ Us long enough to shop anywhere else.” She shoots me a cocky glare.
“Savannah, honey, don’t worry about a present. He’ll just be happy to have all of his family together on his birthday. Luke is gonna pick up the cake.”
