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I read the words over and over, trying to make sense of the passage, when suddenly it all becomes perfectly clear.
Chapter Twelve
Of all the time I’ve known Drew Varney, the side that I’m seeing of him now terrifies me. He’s always been kind and endearing, but seeing his true colors, the monster within him is eye opening. I guess I was always blind to the ugliness of the world, living with rose colored glasses because the darkest evil has lived among me my entire life and I never realized it.
I have no idea how Drew got inside my home, but realizing he has access to my life so easily panics me. How did he get a key? How many times has he been inside of my house? Why is he taunting me like this? How can I protect my children when he’s unescapable? A manic frenzy ensues as my feet move on their own accord, shuffling back and forth across the hardwood floors, muttering to myself. I pace and I pace, then sit when my legs grow tired, staring into the fiery flames, then continue to pace to steady my thoughts. I cry as fear of the unknown grasps me. What the hell is this supposed to mean?
“For your sins will be extinguished in the flames of my wrath.”
I search through my memory, going back to the night Drew appeared on my porch swing.
“Savannah, heed my warning. I know what’s best.” I remember him saying, urging me not to visit Josh at the county jail. Was this his subtle way of threatening me for going against his will? Why did it matter if I visited Josh? My mind swirls back and forth, trudging through muddled thoughts as I try to process everything. This is one sick and twisted game they’ve been playing and I still can’t wrap my head around any of it.
A shrilling buzz startles me and I stop mid-stride listening cautiously for the sound. Beams of golden sunlight sparkle against the ceiling and I realize I’ve paced the floors lost in thought and terror all night long. The alarm on my phone continues to shrill so I pad over to the coffee table switching it off.
I waste no time starting our morning. I wake the kids up with my usual singsong “Goood Moooorrrnning!” careful not to alert them to my worry. I cook them breakfast, chocolate chip waffles and turkey bacon, complete with apple juice and grapes. After packing their lunches and gathering their backpacks I drive them to school, carrying on our morning routine like always. Only today, I’m cautiously glancing over my shoulder looking for Drew. Every black vehicle that approaches causes my heart to flutter, then I remember Drew doesn’t have just one vehicle and he’s likely to be driving any of them.
Pulling in the drop off lane, I kiss both the kids and promise to pick them up as usual. Part of me wants to take them back home, lock them away in my bedroom with me protecting them the best way I know how, but I know that’s not the logical thing to do. I can’t evoke any more fear in the kids than what they already deal with. They hop out of the SUV and make their way up the sidewalk waving cheerfully as they enter the school. I know they’re safe there. The school remains locked at all times and Drew has never been on their approved sign out list. There has never been any reason warranted for him to be. Besides, I know in my heart that as twisted as he may be, he’d never do Brailee and Braden any harm….would he?
Just how deep seated is his hatred for our family? How corrupt and deranged is he to continue these games, as if toying with peoples’-innocent children’s’ – lives is acceptable? I want to confront Drew and demand answers from him, but he’s played this game so long, approaching him will only play me into his hands. It will show him that he’s induced the fear he seeks from me and he’ll gain far too much pleasure from such a simple, innocent act.
I consider taking the letter to the police, but Drew has half the County and State Police in his back pocket. Besides, there is no way to connect the letter directly to him, right now this is merely an assumption. Don’t wanna make an ass of ya self there, sweets.
Pulling into Carly’s driveway, I throw the SUV in park quickly before jumping down and racing inside her house without knocking.
“Well come on in, Sis. Door’s open!” She says sarcastically. She places Ryleigh down in the swing and sways over to the kitchen to gather some coffee for us.
The words just spew from my mouth like projectile vomit and the more I talk, the louder I get. The louder I get the angrier I become. Carly stares at me wildly, allowing my tantrum to continue until the sobs break free and not a word I speak can be understood. I have no idea how long I last, but right now as goose bumps blanket my flesh and the fear clutches me so fiercely that icy shivers rack my body – I feel completely insane – unhinged like a mad woman. I’ve consumed all my weak body can manage and like a Roman candle on Independence Day I burst into a thousand different directions, lighting up crazily with my flood of emotions.
“You have got to catch your breath and explain to me what happened.” She pleads with me and when I open my mouth to speak the words refuse to come, but the tears continue to fall. I ball up in the corner of the couch, wrapping my arms around my knees securely and let my imagination run freely. All I see is the wild flames dancing freely in the fireplace.
“Savannah.” I hear Carly call out to me, but I don’t have the strength to reply. “SAVANNAH! Damn it, look at me.” My eyes trail to hers and apparently, whatever she sees scares her shitless. She grabs the phone off the end table and I can hear her yelling into the receiver, huffing in frustration when Ryleigh begins to whimper. She slams the phone down, then gently picks Ryleigh up from the swing and bounces on the balls of her feet as she hums sweetly, patting Ryleigh’s tush. I watch her prance around, swaddling the baby closely to her chest.
It’s a mesmerizing beauty, watching a Momma interact so lovingly with her child. We’re created with an instinct to protect our babies regardless of what harm they may cross. I feel helpless because I’m so unsure of what we face. Drew is unpredictable.
Once she’s confident that Ryleigh is resting, she disappears down the hallway but returns only moments later. She rakes her fingers through her hair, then ties it on top of her head in a messy pony tail. She kneels in front of me and gently brushes the hair from my face. “Sis, you’re scaring me. I think you need some help. Please tell me what I can do to help, Savannah.” Her tone is saddening and I know Carly would walk through Hell’s fire and brimstone for me and my kids, but there is something about that tone, perhaps the pity in her voice that sets me ablaze.
Springing from the couch I laugh manically, suddenly finding my voice. I throw my hands in the air and give that verbal vomit a second try, but this time there is no mistaking my words. They ring out clear as crystal, spit with poisonous venom. “Help? You think I need some help? Well aren’t you oh so frickin’ clever, Carly! YES. I need help! I possibly need a damn padded room, a Straight jacket too! How the hell could I not with everything I’ve been through. I’m literally falling apart at the seams and the worst part of it all is I have no one here to catch me.”
“Savannah, please for the love of God and all things holy, tell me what has you so distressed. I understand things are rough right now but you will get through it! You -”
“Get through it?” I cut her off barking my words at her harshly. “Carly, a flat tire, you get through. Fallin’ on hard ti
mes, you get through. But when you’re bein’ drowned at the bottom of the damned barrel and each time your body surfaces to the top you’re shoved back down only to suffocate until you begin to fade…please tell me how the hell you get through that?”
Carly stares back at me with wide eyes, but she never says a word. My feet begin to carry me, trailing that same path I trailed last night, wearing damn holes in the carpet as the cluttered thoughts slip from my tongue in low whispers. I hear a rumble in the distance growing closer, but I dismiss it as an eighteen wheeler haulin’ a load. The screen door slams and I hear Colton yell, “What the hell is goin’ on?” as Carly shuffles alongside him. I pay him no mind, just continue to pace, trying to figure out how to keep my kids safe. How did I get into this mess again? I hear faint whispers then stomping against the floor.
Suddenly Colton grips my arms in his hands, pulling me roughly towards his chest. My eyes grow wide and fearful as I gaze up at his chocolate brown eyes. His eyes are full of anger and worry, reflecting my own. “What’s goin’ on with you, Savannah? You gotta talk to me.” My eyes feel puffy and tired. I know I should answer Colton, but I’ve told Carly what was wrong twice and she won’t listen. Why the hell should I repeat myself? “C’mon, girl. You gotta talk to me.” I stare back at him as my body shakes like a leaf, fear trembling all through me so hard my teeth clatter together.
He keeps his grip on my arms and pulls me over to the couch, down beside him. “She’s freezing to death. Get her a blanket, Carly Jo. Has she said anything?” Colton asks her, rubbing his large hands up and down my arms.
“She just busted in here and started yelling. Then she balled up and began to cry.” She reaches Colton a blanket and he raises me forward, wrapping it around me before tucking me back into his side. “When I tried to talk to her she flipped out, shoved me back on my ass and started yelling about Josh, Drew and Luke. Nothing she was saying was making sense. She said men all continue to fail her and they’re all unsafe. I don’t know what she means, Colton, but I’m so worried about her. Should we take her to the hospital?”
Colton shakes his head to Carly, then grips my chin in his hand forcing me to look at him. He glares down at me scanning my eyes back and forth. “Savannah, when did you last sleep?”
I open my mouth to answer him, but my response is slurred and inaudible.
“Damn it, Savannah, answer me.” Colton shakes me roughly and I shrug my shoulders because the words won’t release on their own and I honestly don’t remember sleeping. “Woman, you’re in there. I know you are. Did you sleep last night?” I shake my head no.
