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LOGAN: So the dildos didn’t get traded for the pressure washer?
ME: Nope. And I learned that she’ll need them more than ever, since he won’t be touching her for a while, according to her. He wasn’t happy when I left. Apparently it was my fault for showing up an hour early, because she would have been gone otherwise.
LOGAN: Okay. You win. I can’t compete with that.
ME: #LifeGoals
LOGAN: Do you always go to the coffee shop where I met you?
ME: Umm…that’s an abrupt shift in convo, but yes, I do. I moved here a little over a month ago, and that was the first decent cup I found.
LOGAN: Then I wish I had stopped there sooner than that day. I had some downtime two weeks earlier. We could have been doing this in person then.
ME: You don’t always go there?
LOGAN: That was my first time. Craig and I went to address some of the higher-ups about some security measures. We only stopped in that day because our regular spot was closed for renovations.
ME: Oh THAT’s Craig!
LOGAN: You seriously didn’t remember his name?
ME: I only retain the names of people I like or want to kill.
I cringe when I read that back, realizing that’s not a good joke—even though it’s true—to make to a FBI agent.
LOGAN: Hope I’m on the right list.
I blow out a breath, then smile at the morbid joke, now that I know he’s not taking it seriously.
ME: You are. Currently, you’re at the top of the right list. It’s been a while since I smiled like I do when we talk.
LOGAN: I should have kissed you.
My heart thumps in my chest as I read that back. Then I read it again. And again. And again.
Each time it causes my stomach to flutter, and I try to process all the weird reactions I have to him. He makes me feel and act like the person I never thought I could be again, and I barely know him. I’ve only seen him twice.
Yet, we don’t miss a day speaking. And it’s the highlight of my day.
Every day.
Every time.
Every single word.
ME: Yes. You should have. Then I could have been spared the awkward wave I gave.
LOGAN: But the REALLY awkward wave was cute.
ME: Ha. Funny guy. I see how it is. It’s been a while since I tried the dating scene.
Actually, it’s only been about seven months, but as always, the interest level died after about a month, because all the feelings I wanted to feel never emerged. There’d be a fraction of the spark I feel with Logan, and I’d try to force it, desperate to feel anything other than anger, hatred, rage…brokenness.
I thought I’d lost that ability. I thought they’d take
n it somehow.
Then along came exactly what I had been searching for since before I started the kill list. The problem is the fact he’s sort of my opposite in the not so good way. Meaning, I kill people and he catches killers. And I can’t stop. I wish I hadn’t met him so early on in my list.
