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A pit formed in Zac’s stomach. Love. Pure love.
The wheels in his head began spinning. Gola was in love with the man she believed was Zac. A ton of stupid bricks slammed down on his stupid head. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! Why hadn’t he seen it before? Fucking demons! So sneaky.
Zac hopped to his feet and rushed to his bedroom, where Gola’s head lay in a puddle of slobber on the pillow. He stared down at the huge woman with pasty, pink skin and a huge boil on her nose.
Tula. Was it really her?
If so, then that meant she too was in a demon body! And the real Gola was inside Tula’s body.
Dear gods. All along, he’d been after the wrong woman! It all made so much sense now. Gola had been protective of Tula, but really, that was Tula protecting her human body. She probably feared what a demon might do with it: sex with strange men, excessive drinking, getting a tattoo of random celebrities. Demon fun.
Zac winced, imagining Tula with a portrait of The Rock or Jason Statham inked across her back. Now that would make doggy-style sex awkward.
So what next? Tula had no idea that he was in Hilbert’s body, but there had definitely been a connection between them. He’d felt it last night as they went on that walk. Later, when they danced, there was this moment when he forgot all about his broken heart. He’d even forgotten how incredibly ugly Gola was. I just…had a good time.
Zac tiptoed out of his bedroom, mulling. What should I do? Obviously, he couldn’t break the rules and tell Tula what he’d figured out.
I have to woo her, get her to fall for me. Zac winced. Oh gods, I’ll have to do it while looking at that face. The huge glasses, the pus-covered nose, the drooling mouth. He pushed a hand over his nauseous stomach.
Could he do it? Could he stand looking at her long enough to woo her? I must. I must try. But the greater question was whether he could get Tula to look past his shell—the huge belly, the watermelon thighs and cankles, the lack of a neck and stringy, thinning hair. Don’t get me started on my teeth. He’d seen cleaner mouths on sex fairies.
Without a doubt, this was not going to be easy.
But he had to try. He had to make Tula see past his nasty demon body while trying not to vomit on her. True love was on the line.
CHAPTER NINE
Siberia. Twelve Days Earlier…
Tula knew her body was about to give out from dehydration. The signs were all there. Dry mouth. Dizziness. Leg cramps. A thirst that wouldn’t quit.
Son of a biscuit! She should’ve turned back with Yuri six hours ago. Now her water bottle was empty, and she had no hope of leaving this cave alive unless she magically encountered a sparkling-clean waterfall.
Worst of all, there was no sign of the entrance to the underworld. No sign of anything other than miles of hot, fart-scented tunnels. She was almost certain the portal had to be close, but how much longer could she go on? Without water, she wasn’t going to make it another five minutes.
Tula’s flashlight flickered off. “No. Don’t you dare die on me!” She slapped the side of the long silver tube. “Come on. Come on! At least wait until I’m dead!”
The flashlight stayed dark.
“Fudge! Fudge! Fudge!” Tula plunked down on the damp, rocky floor, too tired to care about the sharp stones pushing into her rear. Guess I’m getting into the underworld after all. Only now, it would be a one-way ticket. No coming back this time.
The best she could hope for was a quick, painless death. If she was really lucky, maybe she’d find Zac in the underworld to say her goodbyes and learn the truth once and for all. Did he ever love her?
Her stomach roiled at the thought of going back to the underworld as a departed soul. Not that the place was scary. Okay, in truth, she didn’t remember much—such as faces or names—however, she did recall sitting around the Texas Hold ’Em table, asking people what made them decide to return to Earth, have their memories wiped, and do it all over again. Details on their answers were fuzzy, but what stood out in her mind was how fascinated she’d been by their stories.
Some said they enjoyed the big reveal after their deaths, when they returned to the underworld and got their eternal memories back. They felt a certain sense of accomplishment when they improved their LSRs—Life Satisfaction Ratings. Others said they simply had more to accomplish in the land of the living.
Now she could relate. Dying here all alone in this nasty-smelling cave was not the ending she’d hoped for. I would definitely want a do-over! But if she returned, would she find Zac again? Would he recognize her soul if she was reincarnated as, say, a pro wrestler in a golden Speedo? Or how about a very annoying unicorn?
