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We were something dangerous.
My mother clung to me. Told her sister she wouldn’t abandon me. She wrapped us up in energy and took me away. It was to keep me safe from whatever storm was brewing in New Orleans. Mom didn’t want it to come back for me.
We drove west, ending up in Las Vegas. Mom thought that here in the dry desert we would be safe; that the storms would stay away.
And she cast spells over me, on the house, every day of my life. To protect me from whatever sinister thing was in the sky.
She gave me rules because she loved me. She didn’t want me found.
I no longer have a sister. I no longer have an aunt. But I do have a mother. “But the ring?” I ask.
Mom swallows. “It holds a magic I don’t understand. I found it in your palm the day of the storm and you told me it was dangerous. You told me to never put it on. You said it was bad.”
“Did I tell you why?”
Mom shakes her head. “No.” “And you just believed me?” “Why wouldn’t I trust you, Lark?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh, feeling like I understand my mother, but I’m no closer to understanding myself. “Do you think I did something terrible to Tenny? Do you believe I’m the reason my sister is gone?”
Mom shakes her head. “If you did do something, it was an accident.”
As I sit at the kitchen table, a warm mug of tea in my hands, I can see how she only wanted to keep her daughter safe.
“I still don’t know if I trust those hawks, Lark. What if they aren’t being honest?”
I shake my head. “No. I trust them with all that I am, Mom. I
… I … I love them.”
“Oh, Lark,” Mom covers her mouth. “All of them?”
“I can’t explain it. But they are mine and I am theirs and I know it’s strange … but what about my story isn’t?”
Our eyes lock and I know she understands. It’s the truth, too. I do love them.
All five of them. And when the moment is right, I will tell them.
“Lark,” she says. “I never wanted to lock you in a cage.
I’m sorry.”
I look at her, my face covered in tears. “Maybe I wasn’t meant to fly, Mom.”
Mom sighs, shaking her head. Her hand reaches out to mine, clasping it. “Oh Lark. That can’t be true. You, my daughter, were meant to soar.”
* * *
I DON’T LET myself get hung up on what I don’t know, and the pieces of my story that don’t add up.
Instead, I go to rehearsal, for ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day.
I listen to Melanie and Tanya as they direct us across the prac- tice room, and then when we move into the theater of the Spades Royale.
My focus is intense. My heart’s all in. Nothing is going to get in the way of this show.
After rehearsal, Mark asks if I ever take a break, but I just shake my head.
There is no time for breaks.
Rehearsals ramp up in intensity and even if I wanted to spend my nights in the arms of my cast mates, I can’t. We’re all exhausted by the day’s end. Our bodies have been pushed to their limits as Melanie coaches us. Demanding us to work harder, longer, until we have perfected every second of the show.
It’s worth every bit of practice.
We’ve become a singular unit working toward a payoff that will have everyone gasping for breath.
The show is that good.
The orchestra is flawless, the costumes are breathtaking, and the lighting is stunning.
Tonight, we will go on stage for our final dress rehearsal. Bill- boards outside the casino feature me, in my bird costume with my feathered wings soaring across the Vegas sky. The opening night performance is sold out. Twitter is a firestorm, and celebri- ties have tweeted that they will be at the premiere.
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.
Mom hasn’t come to a single rehearsal. At first it was because she was so angry that I was doing the show at all, and then, after we reconciled, we decided it would be best to have her wait until opening night.
It’s crazy: after managing my life for so many years, watching over every aspect, it’s thrilling to know that tonight she will be as surprised as the rest of the audience.
When I wake up, I’m already itching to leave for the theater. I shower quickly, dress, and then read the texts on my phone from the guys. They are as pumped as I am. My body is giddy with excitement. And after the final dress rehearsal, the guys and I plan on celebrating in their suite. Life may feel messy in lots of ways, but right now, everything feels like it’s going to be okay.
