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“Why would you want us to stay away?”
“Because I know how this is going to end. And I can’t bear to lose you. Maybe it was dumb to think this was how I should protect my heart because the truth is, you already have my heart.”
“We do?” Hawthorne asks, his voice hushed as if my answer means the world to him.
“I do. You know I do. I’m a total bitch most of the time because I’m just so freaking scared. Scared of losing the men I love so damn much.”
I feel the room lighten. Hawthorne, Lennox, and South all offer me sincere smiles that melt me.
South clears his throat. “Remember earlier tonight, when we offered to help under one condition?”
I nod, my chest expanding as I realize the truth. Tonight, my deepest desires just might come true.
I now realize that one night with the men I love is better than a thousand nights filled with regret. With longing. If I’m here long after they are gone, at least I will have this memory to hold onto.
“You stay with us tonight, remember?” South asks, getting up from his chair and pulling me to my feet.
“I remember.” He holds my face with his hand, his strong palm cupping my cheek. I stop breathing, the anticipation practically killing me. My body awake and at this moment, my heart is his.
“Good,” he tells me, his lips so close to mine. “Because I’ve been waiting to kiss you for years.”
And then he does.
9
Lennox
She is more than a woman I care about.
She is my world.
Or what is left of it.
I spent my childhood holding on for dear life, in a hospital bed, fighting cancer that started in my stomach and reached my brain.
I died, having never really lived.
Then I came to Styx. The place you visit before you move on.
Apparently, my soul took one look at Tennyson and decided otherwise. I met her and began living for the first time in my life.
In Styx, I can run and fight and laugh and love. In Styx, I can do the things my Earth-side body never had the privilege to experience.
When Ten first said I was fading, it wasn’t a shock. I felt it, the shift in my body. I knew.
But to have her say it aloud hurt. I don’t want to feel pain. I haven’t for years, not since I died and came here.
Life on the surface was one surgery after the next; life in Styx was a never-ending dream. We’d push the boat down the river and swim, we’d play cards all night and drink moonshine until dawn.
This is more than I ever imagined I’d get. So, even if it’s fleeting, I’m holding on to the time I have left.
This time with Tennyson.
And now, I watch her kiss South, and a longing stirs within me. God, I want this girl. Have always wanted her.
Have always loved her.
Ever since she found me on the riverbank, scared, uncertain, alone. She took my hand and showed me the room she and Hawthorne had found for themselves. Mattresses on the floor and a makeshift kitchen. Nothing much, but it was life. And that is more than I thought I’d find when I saw the light.
“South,” she whispers, her mouth pulling apart from his, her fingers trace his lips and his eyes are filled with a hunger.
But damn, I’m hungry too.
I stand and pull Ten to me, knowing I may never get the chance to kiss her perfect lips again. But that right now, I have her and she wants me, and I need it, and so I kiss her.
A hand is in her hair and a hand is on her waist, drawing her to me, needing our hips to line up, my body to press against hers.
“Oh, Nox,” she moans through the kiss. Her hands are on my face, she is filled with desire, the same way I’m filled with want for her.
“God, I love you,” I moan, taking more, taking everything.
Her lips are as soft as I expected, but sweeter too. Mint julep lingering on her lips, her tongue finding mine as our kiss deepens.
It’s strange, finally getting the one thing you never thought you’d have, the thing you’ve dreamed about for so long.
I won’t waste this moment, won’t take it for granted. I pull Tennyson closer to me, and we fall into the couch, her in my lap, her body humming with heat.
Running my hands over her skin makes me dizzy, she is everything I’ve ever wanted. Funny and crass and gorgeous and good.
We’re four lost souls, but we’ve found the way home in one another.
Still, I am aware of South and Hawthorne’s eyes on me, and I pull back from the kiss, looking into Ten’s eyes. “What is this going to look like?” I ask her, knowing the other two are going to want what I have right now. Tennyson in my lap.
