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My parents may have found me... but that means someone else left me first.
“You sure you’re okay? I can come right now.”
“I’m fine,” I say, wiping my eyes. “You just left the freaking hospital. Go home and rest. I’m leaving now too. I just needed to see it, you know?”
“I know.”
Desperate to change the subject, I say, “Hey, let’s do dinner tomorrow night, okay? You will die when you see the ring my mom gave me for my birthday. It’s beautiful.” I look at the ring on my finger. It’s a gold band and looks antique. It fits on my middle finger perfectly. My mom said she’d been saving it for me since the day she found me.
To say it’s an emotional birthday gift is an understatement. I’ve had it a handful of hours, yet it’s already my most prized possession. It was with me, in the basket, when I was found.
“Can’t wait,” she says. “And you know what, Harlow, you’re beautiful too. Inside and out. From my experience, it doesn’t matter where you came from, it just matters where you go.”
Her words are perfect, and I want to hold onto them, tightly. But it’s hard to stop believing the story we always tell ourselves. That I’m not enough.
If I was... why would my birth parents have let me go?
“Thanks,” I say, knowing I’m getting emotional and not in a place to get that up close and personal over the phone. I don’t know why her words reach so deep inside me, but they do. It’s funny how some people can know you your entire life, but not really know you at all, and then other people fall into your lap and see you exactly as you are.
Or even, as you could be.
“You’re a good friend,” I tell her. “And you’ll be an even better mother.”
“Love you, birthday girl,” she says, and we hang up.
I consider getting back in my car, but then I look toward the water.
It calls to me.
It always has.
The sky is filled with a trillion stars, the moon heavy overhead and the crash of the waves matching the ebb and flow of my emotions today.
I look out, and my breath catches.
A seal bobs his head, swimming so close that I worry about it. But the seal’s eyes meet mine... and I’m not being dramatic when I say this: they pierce my heart. They are big, brown, and soulful.
I spent my life wondering where I came from and with one look, the seal seems to answer all my questions.
I belong out there.
With him.
It scares me, the way the animal makes me feel. Seen in a way I don’t understand. I swallow, stepping back, not even realizing I’ve walked into the water, up to my knees; so lost in a trance, so utterly mesmerized. But it is hard to move, it’s like the sand is tar and I’m caught in the pit.
I stumble to my knees, my feet seemingly locked into place. But I know that going into the ocean, alone at night, is nothing but idiotic.
I need to get away from the water.
But the seal doesn’t leave. It barks, and as crazy as it sounds, I swear he says to come closer.
Even though I keep trying to move my feet backward, away from the water that seems to have tethered my ankles into place, I can’t.
I try to turn my back on the sea, but it’s relentless. The tide rolls in at a pace I’ve never witnessed, and my thigh burns as the saltwater stings my skin. The fresh tattoo is going to be ruined, and I press my palms into the sand trying to push myself away from the sea. But I can’t move. I’m stuck... and worse, my feet are being pulled further into the ocean.
“Help,” I scream. “Help!” I blink back tears. Now is not the time nor the place to have a meltdown. I grit my teeth, determined to get out of this shoreline gravitational pull I’m somehow caught in.
The seal barks louder, and though I try to ignore him, my heart seems to ache, as if begging to swim with the wild animal. I may have called him my spirit animal, but that was a ridiculous idea, inspired by a social media site where hipster girls get cute-ass tattoos. There isn’t any real connection between the seal and me and I don’t need to meet it anytime soon.
What I need is to get away from here.
Except I can’t.
It doesn’t matter how hard I resist, the pull is just too great.
“Someone! Anyone!” My voice is clear, but the bark of the seal is so intense it overwhelms my own cry.
My legs are pushed out from under me, and I sink my elbows down into the sea, barreling down to steady myself, my tattooed thigh burning, my body fighting to stay put but the shifting sand overtakes me.
