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The sight of it lodges a knot in my throat.
The knot grows bigger as we approach, too. The sounds of laughter and people moving about their day normally covers the beach, and even from far away you can usually hear someone talking forcibly about their opinion on fishing with spears versus nets. Today, it's so quiet the only thing I hear is the sound of the waves and the occasional groan of one of the creatures.
It makes me hold on that much tighter to Juth.
He must sense my unease, because he leans toward me, just a little, and offers, "It will be all right. If no one is hurt, they will rebuild and things will be as they were before."
"It's just hard." My voice is soft. "This is the second home I've lost now." Immediately I realize what I'm saying and feel ashamed. Juth has lost his home now, too, and he is handling this better than me. "You've lost yours, too."
Juth just shakes his head. "It was not my home. I had no attachment to it. It was just a place to hunt."
This surprises me a little. Most people feel some sort of attachment to the place they consider “home.” "Even back on the island?"
He glances down at me. "It was where we were forced to stay. We were not allowed on the good hunting grounds. We were told we must stay on the outlying islands, where there was little to eat but fish and roots. And then when the Great Smoking Mountain erupted, we expected them to come take our lands. Every time hunting was bad in the past, a clan would arrive to claim our lands as theirs."
I'm appalled. "That's horrible."
"We are Outcast. To the others, we are not true people. We are problems." His gaze goes to Pak, and I can see the fatherly affection on his expression as he watches Ashtar race up the sands with the small boy on his shoulders. "If they are not kind to my son, I warn you, we will leave. I can tolerate their cruel remarks and coldness to me, but I will not have anyone be cruel to Pak."
I don't think anyone will be awful to them, but I understand what he's saying. He's protecting his kid. "Of course. I'd miss you if you left, though."
He frowns. "I meant you, too. You are my mate. I would go nowhere without you."
That knot in my throat grows bigger. Now is the perfect time for me to gently point out to Juth that I didn't kiss him with the intention of declaring myself as his mate. That I just kissed him because I liked it, and I liked him. That I didn't realize he thought it was more and I'm misleading him. "Juth," I say softly. "Wait a moment. We need to talk—"
Just then, Pak lets out a screech of terror, and Juth's camouflage flares. He gets a panicked look on his face, and I suspect it takes everything he has not to fling me down onto the ground. He staggers, frantic. "PAK."
"Papa!"
"Set me down," I say quickly. "It's okay."
He does, plopping me into the sand where we were walking, and I try not to wince at the reverberation it sends up my ankle, because I know he didn't mean it. I watch, worried, as Juth snatches Pak out of Ashtar's arms, the little boy crying and terrified. He grips his son tightly in his arms, and his color fluctuates, his tail whipping behind him in agitation. I half-expect to see him run into the hills with Pak, just to abandon the whole idea of joining the tribe. Instead, though, he comes to my side and crouches next to me. Pak moves to sit next to me, and his small arms go around me.
It melts my heart. I tuck him against my chest, snuggling him as Juth looks on worriedly, touching his son's tufted blond hair. "What is it, Pak?"
Pak just makes a soft whining sound and burrows against my neck.
I rub his back as Juth looks concerned. Everyone's staring at us, which can't help things. I suspect this is Pak's first time around a group of people, and even though I think of our tribe as small, it must seem overwhelming to the little one. So I pat his back, soothing. "Are you…afraid everyone is going to want to hug you too much?"
Pak sniffles against my neck. His tail thumps against my arm.
I smile at Juth, who looks frantic. I poke Pak's belly. "Are you afraid they will hold you down and feed you delicious cakes? And you don't like delicious cakes?"
Pak squirms. "What's a cake?"
"What's a cake?" I mock-cry. "It's a tasty little treat with meat and seeds and all kinds of yummy things in it…but I bet you won't like that, will you? Yucky, yucky seeds."
