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"Um, it's a long story." Steff gives me a helpless look. "Not resonance, though."
"I just thought you were waiting for resonance, you know? You never shared that you and this guy were getting it on." Flor beams at me. "She's far too good at keeping secrets!"
Is she? That is good to know. Steff continues to look uncomfortable, and when one of the kits stirs in bed, she touches Flor's arm. "We'll talk when you get back, I promise. Now's just not a good time."
"Of course, of course." Flor wraps her arms around Steff's and squeezes her tight. "I'm just glad you're all right. We'll save all our gossip for some other time." She rocks back and forth, hugging with enthusiasm, and then wags a finger at me. "You'd better treat her right, buddy."
"Flor," Steff protests weakly. "Stop it."
"I'm just looking out for my friend." She smiles at us both, jumps to her feet, and kisses her fingertips, pushing her hand out from her mouth in what must be a gesture of farewell. "See you on the flip side."
Steff waves, and my curiosity is roused. She is always so confident, so easy in her skin, my Steff. As if she has all the answers to everything already. But seeing her with this female is odd. She acts flustered and uneasy, and she keeps looking at me as if in some sort of apology.
When the female is gone and Steff lies back down again, I do as well. I watch her, too, studying her face. She does not close her eyes to sleep but stares up at the ceiling, not sharing her thoughts.
"You are close friends?" I ask. "With her?"
Steff nods.
"Why did you look so uncomfortable when she hugged you? Is something wrong?"
Steff bites her lip and then rolls over onto her side, facing me. Heat immediately surges through my body, because this is how we were last night when she reached over and grasped my cock. When she touched me. Are we going to touch again? I turn to face her, too, eager. She hesitates, and then reaches out and touches my chest. "I should tell you something. It's not an important something, but you deserve to know anyhow."
I wait.
She thinks for a moment, and then continues. "Back on my home planet…I was, shall we say, experimenting in the furs with a few different people. Some of them were female."
Home…planet? I do not know what she means. Does she mean she came from the far side of the mountains? Is that why her people look so odd? But her confession makes me realize that I was not wrong to pick up on her strange behavior. "Then you and…Flor…"
She shakes her head quickly. "No. No one here, actually. Just you." She pats my chest again as if to reassure me. "But when we first arrived I did have feelings for her. I wanted you to know. It never went anywhere, and she doesn't know. But it was just weird to be around both her and you like this. That's all."
Ah. "But you were not mates?"
"Oh, no." Steff gives me a small smile. "I don't think anyone else here is gay or bisexual. But I wanted you to know because it's not something I'm ashamed of, but some people do not understand it."
I try to follow along, but she is confusing me. "Do not understand what?"
"Um, females touching females?"
"Because there is no resonance?"
"Because some people think it's wrong."
"Why?"
She chuckles. "Well, I don't know why. Just that they do. Did Outcast clan have any rules around that sort of thing?"
I think for a moment about our scattered clan. Of how it was intensely lonely to be Outcast, and yet we were united against the other clans. How we came together when we had to, and supported one another when someone could not hunt. "We mostly kept to ourselves. Outcast clan did not have rules about mating, I think, because we were not expected to mate. Who would resonate with an Outcast?" I shrug. "We are not worthy. So sometimes when we hunted together, we would…seek pleasure with one another."
It did not happen often. I never trusted the others enough. Nen was a food stealer and Ezz was a bully who liked to push everyone around. Sometimes I was so lonely that I would touch them and let them touch me, but such moments never lasted long. What did it matter if a few Outcasts touched one another for comfort? It is not as if we would ever have mates. I think we were all surprised when Haal resonated to Ezz. No one thought it would happen, ever. That Outcasts were somehow broken.
But I am starting to learn that Outcasts are just people…just like everyone else. That we are not wrong or bad. We are just slightly different looking, just as Steff looks different from the ones that call themselves sa-khui.
