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Her breath shuddering, she nods. Somewhere behind me, I hear Pak moving, hear O'jek walking toward us, but I cannot take my eyes off of Steff. My beautiful, soft Steff, who has tears all down her cheeks as she looks at me, her eyes full of misery. Even my pride is not worth her tears. If she asked me in this moment, I would return with her. I would dwell at the edges of the village, an Outcast alone, if she would only stop crying.
"Where do you hurt?" I ask, when she does not answer.
Her hand goes to her heart. "Right here."
Heart pain is bad. Worry surges through me, and I pull at her leathers before I realize she means her heart—her spirit—is hurting.
Oh.
Our eyes meet, and she reaches out and takes my hand. "I was wrong to you."
My heart thuds with hope. "Steff—"
"No, let me say it," she tells me, her voice soft. "You need to hear me say it."
I remain still, even when Pak puts his cold hands on my shoulder and clings to my arm. She has my hand, and I would stay here forever. Steff smiles briefly at Pak, and then looks down at my hand again. Her fingertips—ice cold because O'jek does not take proper care of her—brush over my skin. She will not look me in the eye.
"I have things I should have said to you before," Steff says. "And I should start with apologizing."
My gut clenches and my hopes sink. She came all this way—with hated O'jek—to apologize?
"When you and I first started talking, we couldn't understand each other, remember?" Her fingers dance over my skin, like caressing icicles. "I didn't realize how big of a difference it would make in our conversations, or how much I just assumed you knew. I felt like we were understanding each other just fine." Her mouth curves in a faint smile. "And then of course, the shell-beasts came, and I hurt my ankle, and everything changed between us."
She keeps her head bowed, and just traces the lines of my palm, over and over.
"I guess I was always fascinated with you. You know me. I like to try and understand people and how their minds work." A half-hearted smile curves her lips. "You were a project, and I was determined to be the one to bring you guys into our little group. But you took care of me. You looked after me. Treated me like I was special, and no one's ever really done that for me before. I didn't realize I needed someone to look after me, too, you know? I'm just so busy all the time trying to help everyone along, to make people happy, and I didn't realize that I needed something for myself, too. And I guess that's when I started to fall in love with you." Her lip quivers. "Because I felt like to you, I was a person. You saw me, and you saw what I needed, and you made me feel beautiful and desirable, when I've felt anything but."
Questions burn in my throat, but I do not want to interrupt.
"And so when you misunderstood, and you declared that I was your mate and I had chosen you and we were going to go back to the tribe together…" She hesitates. "I should have spoken up then, but I didn't want to correct you in front of the others when we were just meeting them. And you were so proud, too." Her voice grows so, so soft. "Like you'd lucked into someone special. I liked you, too. I liked kissing you, and touching you, and I thought, okay, what does it harm if I let things go on for a while? So I let it continue, because it felt good, and it felt right. Being with you just felt so easy and natural that I never stopped to think about this big misunderstanding between us. And after a while…it wasn't a misunderstanding, you know? I am your mate. I love you. I love being with you. I love that you take care of me. I love that you're a good dad and a good provider. I love that you make me smile and laugh. I love that you're strong and you persevere no matter what is thrown at you. You never think about giving up. It was just so easy to be yours. And I know I should have said something. I just didn't stop to think about how it might hurt your feelings to learn the truth." Her smile grows bitter. "It was selfish of me."
She wishes to be my mate? Happiness blooms in my chest, chasing away all the misery of the last handful of days. "Steff—"
"I should have come after you," Steff says quickly, her tone urgent, as if she must spill all her words before I stop her. "It's just, I knew I was wrong, so I retreated a little. I told myself you needed time to cool off, and then you'd come back and we'd talk it out. I never realized that you just might…keep going." She chokes a little, and more tears slip down her reddened cheeks. "I was thinking like I was back on Earth, trying to do conflict resolution instead of realizing that you're here, and you're different, and what works on Earth doesn't always work here. I should have gone after you."
