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Finally, when Daddy feels a little bit better, Dom helps him to the living room. I cuddle next to him on the couch, feeling so scared I can't breathe. I want to know what's going on, but at the same time, I'm so afraid. I wish I could live in blissful ignorance, in a world where nothing is wrong at all.
Daddy clears his throat and I snuggle closer to him. He's stroking my hair absent-mindedly while Dom stares out of the window, his gaze hard and unrelenting. Valerie is sitting on Daddy's other side, holding his hand lightly, as if he might break.
My daddy won't break! I want to shout at her. He's strong, stronger than anyone else. He can still lift me and carry me on his back, just like he did when I was a kid...
"The reason we left this week was to see a doctor," Daddy admits with a heavy voice. "And all these days when I've been gone for hours on end, I've been getting chemotherapy."
He smoothes his bald head with a bitter smile. "Good thing I've been shaving this baby for years, huh?"
Tears start filling my eyes, and it takes every effort I can manage to keep them at bay. Daddy starts to speak again after the most excruciating of pauses, and all my hopes and dreams shatter with four simple words.
"I have terminal cancer," Daddy says.
"I found out six months ago," he continues. His voice is tired, but I can already tell he's accepted this fact, and that makes me fucking furious. I want him to fight this because I know he can. I know he has it in him.
Daddy looks at Valerie and smiles at her. "I looked up Valerie the day I found out. You kids don't know this, but we went to the same high school when we were teenagers, for a year or two."
"We were high school sweethearts," Valerie admits.
"And then I moved away," Daddy nods, looking at me with fondness in his eyes. "I will never regret that, because I met your mom then, Cassidy, and she gave me you."
I give him a weak smile, pretending to be as strong as he is, even though I'm breaking inside.
"But when we divorced, and when I got the diagnosis... I found Valerie on Facebook, and we started chatting. I was upfront and told her all about my... illness. We met up. And the rest, as they say, is history."
His smile is soft and unrelenting, but I’m becoming more bitter with each second that passes, realizing what he is saying. Realizing I may not get to be a Daddy's girl for much longer.
"I knew what would happen," Valerie admits. "But I wanted to spend more time with Tony. After Dom’s dad left, I was lonely... I needed to feel loved, even if it was for the last time in my life."
They're holding hands, and Daddy's strong arms look pale and old in comparison to Valerie's. How did I not notice? Am I so blind? Did I ignore all of this? The signs of sickness, the coughing, the weight loss... All missed in favor of my own goddamned, inappropriate crush.
The first pang of guilt shoots through my body, slicing through my flesh like a blade. It may be the first one, but there will be many, many yet to come.
"I am sorry I didn't tell you," Daddy admits. "I wanted to, so badly. But I didn't want to ruin this summer..."
The last summer we'll spend together, I realize in my mind. The last summer I'm with my daddy. The summer of forbidden things, the summer that reeks of death and sorrow. Heartbreak summer.
I get up from the couch. I cannot take this any longer. It hurts too much.
"Cassidy..." Daddy begins.
"How long?" I demand to know, feeling all their gazes upon me.
Valerie, a stranger who I already love.
Dom, my stepbrother. My forbidden love.
Daddy. My rock, my soul, my everything…
"How much time do you have left?" My voice is shaking, breaking with every letter of the words I am speaking. I know I'm on the verge of breaking down.
Daddy swallows. "About a month, give or take," he admits. "Until the end of summer."
I'm shaking. I want to scream. It's fucking unfair.
Instead of reacting like I know I should – comforting him, giving him a tight hug – I make a run for the door. Because that's my default. Something goes wrong, and I run far, far away from it.
"Cassidy!"
I hear their voices shouting my name on my way to the door. I stumble, hitting the wall and I feel someone trying to pick me up, but I resist furiously, pushing the person away.
"Get off me," I hiss. "Just let me be."
I open the door. I leave it gaping open, like the hole they just made in my heart.
