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There's no heat. No fireworks.
But I guess that's the way real relationships work... when the initial lust fades. That's all there ever was between Dom and me – primal instinct.
So, I let Adrian take me out sometimes, when the pain at home is too much to bear. Pretend my stepbrother's face isn't always on my lips.
And every time we kiss, it gets a little bit better, and some of the pain fades away. I hope that one day, there will be none left at all.
6 weeks later
Today is a good day. Daddy feels better because of some new medication his doctor prescribed. I know it shouldn't give me hope, but it fucking does. It makes me believe we might get another chance. Maybe, just maybe, we'll all make it out okay.
Daddy and I are sitting on the porch as the rain hammers down on the roof, the sound so pleasant and soothing I could listen to it all day.
"Cassidy, come sit next to me," Daddy asks with a raspy voice, and I do as he says. I sit next to him on the bench, and he wraps me up in a hug, with me trying to pretend I don't notice the bones poking through his paper-thin skin.
He sighs, looking at the cloudy sky. "I'm sorry, Cassidy," he says brokenly, and I look at him with surprise in my eyes.
"Why, Daddy?"
"I'm sorry I messed this all up." He rubs his tired, red-rimmed eyes and I can hear Valerie clattering with the dishes in the kitchen. I love her, but for once I’m happy she isn't here. I need this moment alone with my father.
"I wanted us to have another summer together. For you to meet your new... family," he smiles. "I thought you and Dom were–"
"Stop it, Daddy," I cut him off, my lips pursing in defiance.
"I know, you don't want to talk about it," he sighs. "I know he hurt you when he left. But Cassidy, I am not his responsibility, and he had every right to take that job offer."
My heart pangs with guilt, knowing there was no job offer – just an excuse Dom came up with for leaving all of a sudden.
"I won't be around much longer," Dad says, and I shake my head.
"You might. The new meds are working so well, it could–"
"No, Cassidy." Daddy pats my hand, giving me a bitter smile. "A man knows when there's not much time left. I feel the end. I feel it calling me. And it's okay, darling... I'm leaving you in good hands. You are safe."
He pulls me closer, and I let the tears fall, letting my dad see me at my weakest. I'm angry at myself as much as I’m relieved, for showing him how much he means to me.
"I love you, Daddy," I say softly.
"And I love you, Cassidy," he admits. "Your old man will be okay, baby, and so will you. You have to be a good girl. You have to be brave for me. Can you promise me that?"
I nod, the tears spilling down my face.
The end of summer
Today is August 29th and we just got the news that Daddy's cancer has spread to his brain, his liver, and his lungs.
I'm holding him, like he's the child, and I'm the parent. But it's okay. It's all going to be okay. I tell Daddy as much, whispering in his ear. I keep whispering even when Valerie tries to pry me away. She has to get the nurse and a doctor to help get me away from my daddy, who died in my arms.
I don't leave the room. I hold his hand until he is taken away. I will let myself cry once I can't touch him anymore. I have to stay strong, for Valerie, who is already breaking down. I have to stand tall for my daddy, who would be proud to see me with my head raised high in the air.
We watch the ambulance pull away, hand in hand. It fucking hurts to see they don't turn on the emergency lights on the vehicle. It is in that moment that I realize this is it, he is gone. I don't get to be a Daddy's girl anymore, because Daddy isn't here.
It's as if a switch goes off in my head, cutting my brain from the rest of my body.
Valerie keeps asking me if I'm okay, trying to get me up. But I can't. I’m too weak, as much as I’m trying to fight it. So instead, I lie in our backyard, looking up at the darkening sky.
The clouds have gathered once more, even though today we saw the first few rays of sunshine in weeks. It's as if the sun is trying to tell me Daddy will be okay.
Now it has different things in mind, though, and the clouds rumble above me, the thunder deafening in my sensitive ears. Valerie runs inside to shield herself from the rain, but I relish every drop on my face.
