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Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing, the nagging voice in the back of my head begins again, and this time around, it's even harder to keep it quiet.
I settle on the sofa bed, but I can't sleep at all. I end up tossing and turning for hours, but around 2 a.m., I admit to myself I won't be able to sleep a wink. I get up and make myself some tea, snuggling up with the cup on the sofa.
My eyes keep glancing at the guest house, but all the lights are out. I guess Dom is sleeping better than I am tonight – and judging by the snoring coming up from upstairs, so is Adrian.
I’m deep in thought when a mewling sound interrupts my thinking, and I realize it's coming from the basement. Furrowing my brow, I head towards the stairs that lead down there.
I'm not afraid of the dark, but the creaky, dusty stairs still scare me. Nonetheless, I head down there, turning on the lights with a shaky hand.
A huge tabby stares at me from the middle of the room and I smile. I move to the side of the room and open the small latch to the outside, and in three swift jumps, the cat is out of there. The latch must have closed after it jumped in, trapping it inside.
I'm about to head back upstairs when my eyes land on a pile of stuff stored away down here. I know what's under all these white sheets – memories.
I don't mean to do it, but my legs carry me over to one of the boxes by themselves. I take the sheet off, and dust flies in my face, making me cough like crazy.
Because I'm feeling nostalgic, I end up sitting on the floor. I'm going through boxes and boxes of mementos from the summer we spent here together, four years ago.
So many things remind me of Daddy. Yellowed photos, curling at the edges, from when I was just a kid. And then recent ones, with him thin and sallow. They make me wonder how on earth I didn't notice the cancer eating away at him.
Tears flood my eyes as I pull out more things. My ratty teddy bear, Mr. Fuzz. An old friend.
Each thing I find tells a story, and as time passes, my tears start flowing freely. I don't let myself cry in front of others, not even Valerie, who has become a dear friend since that fateful summer. But today, the floodgates have opened.
I come across a notebook, one of the leather-bound black volumes Dad always used to scribble down his thoughts. Opening it, I try to find comfort in the slanted handwriting I used to know so well.
But as I go over his handwritten notes, some of the words jump straight off the page.
Sorry … Dom … daughter … understand.
I look at the notebook in confusion, turning it over in my hands. I flip to the first page, and right there, in capital letters, is my name.
I start reading and my eyes widen as I absorb the text like it's my sustenance. I've stumbled across something important. Something that could have changed the course of my life had I found it in the right moment.
My dear Cassidy,
I don't have much longer in this world. But I wanted to leave you this letter. I wanted to tell you some things, to let you know I understand.
I know about you and Dom, Cassidy. You never knew how to keep a secret, my darling girl, and the walls in this house are thin – plus, you do tend to shout when you're on the phone with Susie!
I know Dom left because of what you wanted, but for what it's worth, I think you made the wrong decision. I met Dom when he was at a low point, Cassidy, but even then, I knew he was one of the good guys.
Still, when I found out about you two, I wanted to kick his teeth in. I still thought of you as my little girl. And later, I was angry as hell at him for leaving. I never told Valerie, honey. But after some time passed, I saw how miserable you were.
And I want you to know, you have my blessing. You should be with the man that makes you happy, and if Dom is that man, so be it.
I've done some stupid stuff in my life, but my biggest mistake was not staying true to myself. I've loved two women, and I abandoned a child when I left one of them. I will regret that for the rest of my life, not that I’ve got much left.
Cassidy, I don't want you to make the same mistakes as your old man. You need to call him, make him come back. Please, Cassidy
