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Trevor.
He holds my door and my hand and not once have I caught him looking at another woman. He presses his hand to my lower back and always goes out of his way to tell me how beautiful I look and how much he cares.
Listening to Mom talk makes me realize that maybe I want all the little things too—cuddling on the couch at night, cooking together and watching movies after a long day of work.
It also makes me realize what I’ve given up…the chance to have any of that with Trevor.
“I screwed up, Mom,” I cry, pressing my face into her neck. She smells the same way she always has, like sunshine and apples and home.
“Talk, Claire. That’s the only way I can help you get through this.”
I take a deep breath and ask the question that’s been on the tip of my tongue for over a decade. “If you had known Daddy was going to die—that he was going to leave you—would you have still married him, or would you have done things differently?”
“What? No, Claire.” She shakes her head. “Your father was the light of my life until you came along, and then you two shared the spotlight. Yes, it killed me to lose him, but I wouldn’t change a minute of my time with him. He was with me through most of the ups and downs life threw my way, and he gave me you.” Her voice wavers and she places a palm on my cheek. “He gave me you, my sweet girl. My Claire Bear.”
I laugh tremulously and wipe the tears from my face. “I haven’t been called that in a long time. Not since Daddy died.”
“I know, and that’s my fault. You were his little Claire Bear, and it didn’t seem right coming from me. I always sort of felt like it was a thing for the two of you.”
“Now maybe it can be a thing between us.”
Her face softens. She watches me warily for a few seconds and then asks, “Do you
love him?”
I nod, blinking back tears. “With all of my heart.”
“Then don’t let him go.”
Those words from her mouth surprise me. I sort of thought she would be pleased that Trevor and I broke up. “You mean that?”
“Of course I do. Claire, I just want you to be happy. And if Trevor makes you happy—if he’s that guy, then I couldn’t be happier for you.”
“But what if I lose him? What if he leaves me the same way Daddy did?”
“What if he doesn’t? What if you two get married and have babies and grow old together?” she says, squeezing my hand.
What if he doesn’t?
What if he doesn’t?
Oh my gosh, what if he doesn’t?
I’ve always believed in fate. I might’ve tried to fight it from time to time, but I’ve always been a firm believer that we all have a set path we were born to live. What if Trevor is fated to live a long, healthy life doing what he loves and I just walked away from him? I left him behind, along with my heart.
I did that.
I walked away.
He was right. I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And for what? Because I couldn’t see the bigger picture from a different angle? What does that say about me as a person?
For most of my adult life, I’ve been convinced someone like Trevor would hurt me, and here I am the one hurting him.
He told me he loved me, and while I returned the sentiment with words, my actions told an entirely different story.
Christ, he was right. I am a coward. Walking away from him isn’t going to make me happy, it’s going to make me a sad, lonely woman, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what if.
