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“It’s in the past, Maddie. We have to let it stay there or it’ll eat away at our chance at happiness today.”
“That’s not all Kristina said. She said you told her you loved her. That you wanted to marry her and have children with her.”
I could see the guilt written across Logan’s face and it killed me. How could he have said those things to her, to have promised her a future with him, if he truly loved me?
“I did tell her that I loved her. It was almost reflexive on my part. My answer to her when she told me she loved me.” Logan sighed heavily as he rubbed his forehead tiredly. “Deep down, I knew I was just playing a part. I thought if I told Kristina I loved her, it would become a reality. And I guess I did love her in a way. I was pretty much a mess when I first moved to L.A. Losing you, even though I had been the one to push you away in the end, was hard on me, and she helped me through it, though she didn’t realize it at the time. I was grateful to her for that, and I mixed that up with love.”
His words didn’t reassure me. Instead, they made me even more anxious. Kristina wasn’t some fly-by-night whom he had a fling with. She was someone he had true feelings for, despite his rationalization that it wasn’t real love. She had been there for him when he had needed someone, and apparently that meant something to him.
“What about marriage and kids?” I felt like a masochistic asking him but I needed answers.
“She was the one that talked about eventually getting married and having children. I admit that I never rejected the idea or actively discouraged her from talking about it. I took the easy way out and went the path of least resistance. I’m not proud of it.” He gripped my hand, as if he was trying to make me believe him by sheer will. “But I swear that I never would have gone through with it. I couldn’t have because there was always a part of me that knew I would get you back, no matter what. I regretted pushing you away a year ago, right after it happened. I even called you the next day from a blocked number, but I was too proud to say anything when you answered so I just hung up. I kept telli
ng myself that eventually I would reach out to you again, but I was afraid you would reject me.”
I remembered that phone call. If only he had said something, if only he had given me that chance, we wouldn’t have to be dealing with all of this now. I wouldn’t have to feel like I had to compete for Logan.
“You’re saying all the right things, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have real feelings for Kristina. How do you know you’re not going to regret choosing me? What if a year from now, you realize you’ve made a mistake and you want to be with her instead? I couldn’t handle that.”
Logan gripped my shoulders, his expression intense. “I’m saying this all wrong if you believe that’s even possible. Yes, I care about Kristina, but I don’t love her. I’ve spent almost a decade waiting for my chance with you. I love you, Maddie. Nothing and no one will ever change that. The thought of living without you is enough to make me go crazy. I’d do anything to keep you.” His tone became frantic, his grip tightening. “Don’t let Kristina come in between us. This time I won’t let you go, no matter what.”
“I’m not saying that I don’t want to be with you,” I said softly. I raised my hand and gently ran it across his jaw, trying to soothe him. I wouldn’t be stupid enough to push Logan away again. I didn’t think I would survive it this time. “I love you, Logan. Nothing will change that. It was just hard for me to hear the things Kristina said. It’s hard for me to hear that you care about another woman. But it’s nothing I can’t work through.”
The tension on Logan’s face relaxed and he pulled me towards him, kissing me hungrily. Even though I had reassured him that everything would be okay between us, there was a niggling doubt in the back of my mind. We had overcome so many obstacles that I just wanted to have blind faith that this time it would be different, that this time we could be happy together. But a part of me held back from fully committing to Logan. I was scared of being hurt and, irrational as it was, I was scared that some cosmic force of the universe wouldn’t allow me to be happy because of the sins I had committed.
I tried to blot these dismal thoughts from my mind as I returned Logan’s kiss. It was an effective way to forget about everything except how he made me feel.
“It’ll be okay, I promise,” he murmured against my mouth, as if he could read my thoughts. “Nothing will get in the way of us being together again.”
I told myself I believed him and wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to feel as close to him as possible. Desire was making my worries recede into the background and I welcomed the reprieve.
“Fuck me, Logan,” I whispered, wanting to feel the wild abandon I had experienced with him yesterday. “I need you inside me.”
Lust flared in his eyes, and he kissed me fiercely as he grabbed my hips and lifted me as he stood in one fluid motion. I wrapped my legs around his waist as I slanted my mouth against his, our tongues tangling together. He carried me to the bedroom and broke the kiss, throwing me on top of the bed as if I weighed nothing. I felt a thrill of anticipation, loving the feeling of being powerless next to his strength. His eyes burned into me as he took off his shirt and threw it to the floor. The rest of his clothes soon followed until he was completely naked. My desire grew as my gaze ran down his hard body, settling on the jutting ridge of his shaft which was already intimidatingly erect.
“Take off your clothes,” he ordered as he stood at the foot of the bed. “Slowly.”
I sat up and gripped the edge of my shirt, pulling it over my head. My breasts were already swollen and pressing against my bra, straining to be released. I let the straps fall down teasingly so the tops of my breasts were bared, pushing my arms together to emphasize their fullness. I reached behind me to unclasp my bra and let it fall forward, baring myself to Logan’s hungry eyes. His breathing became shallow as I ran my hands across my already-hard nipples. I moaned at the sensation, the simple caress feeling deeply erotic because Logan was watching me.
I undid my jeans and pulled them down until I was completely naked except for my panties. Before I could take them off, Logan had moved onto the bed, settling himself between my legs as he supported himself over me. I could feel the ridge of his shaft nestled between my cleft and I couldn’t help rubbing myself against him, the friction from my panties only intensifying the sensation.
He caught one taut nipple in his mouth, teasing it with his tongue. I arched my back, the sensation so exquisite that I wanted more.
“Harder,” I whispered, not caring how wanton I was being. Logan obliged and suckled harder on my nipple, scraping his teeth against the sensitive nub. I cried out at the mixture of pleasure and pain that rippled through my body. My nipple was raw and aching when he released it, but I was flooded with more pleasure when he latched onto my other nipple, showing it the same attention.
“Oh God, that feels so good,” I moaned, gripping the back of his head as I arched off the bed even more.
I was gasping when Logan released my nipple. He took my wrists and pinned them over my head against the bed, making me feel helpless. His eyes pierced into mine as he bucked his hips, rubbing his shaft against my swollen wetness. I whimpered, feeling helpless and utterly aroused by it.
“You belong to me,” he said in a raspy voice.
“Yes,” I mewled, moving against him, desperate for more.
“Say it,” he ordered, his eyes burning into me.
“I belong to you,” I said, loving the feeling of being dominated by him. “Everything I am belongs to you. My body, my heart… everything.”
His eyes flared with emotion as he reached down and slid his hand beneath my panties to stroke my swollen folds. I made a choked sound when he flicked my clit with his thumb. I couldn’t help gasping when he pushed the flimsy fabric aside and thrust two fingers inside me almost violently.
