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"What is wrong with you? I was just joking!"
I saw a muscle twitching in his jaw, as if he was trying to control his emotions. I pulled my wrist out of his grasp and got into the car, slamming the door closed. I contemplated stalking off and going home but I was too confused by what had happened to do anything but sit there. Simon stood frozen outside my window but I refused to look at him.
A few moments passed, then he walked around the car and slid into the driver's seat. I didn't turn to look at him, feeling both angry and awkward with the whole situation. Was Simon some sort of jealous boyfriend that I would eventually have to get a restraining order against? I had just made an offhand jo
ke about other men in general, and Simon had taken it as me being interested in someone else. As much as I loved him, rationally I knew that I hadn't known him for very long. I couldn't help thinking about how calm and unaffected he had been after he had pierced Claudia's heart with a knife.
Simon sighed heavily and I felt his hand tentatively touch mine. Despite my reservations, I didn't pull back when he threaded his fingers with mine.
"I'm sorry. I was a jerk."
I turned to him, softening when I saw how remorseful he looked. "What the heck was that all about? I tell one stupid joke and you jump down my throat. I don't even understand why you got angry."
Simon looked straight ahead, although his grip on my hand tightened. His voice was low when he spoke. "I think it's just a combination of everything that's happened. Finding out there's a whole other world out there full of shadows that we knew nothing about. Watching Claudia almost kill you. Knowing that I killed Claudia, regardless of whether her soul was already gone. I know it's only a matter of time until you have another vision. It's only a matter of time until you put yourself in danger again. Sometimes it's all too much. It's so overwhelming that I can barely breathe."
Simon finally turned to me and I could see him struggling with conflicting emotions. I moved closer to him, understanding how he felt because I was feeling the same way. "You can talk to me about it. We can help each other get through this."
Simon frowned. "You already have enough on your plate. I don't want to be another burden."
"Simon, don't be silly. You'll never be a burden. You don't know how much strength you give me, just being by my side."
Simon cradled the back of my head with his hand, pulling me towards him. His kiss was gentle although I could feel the wealth of emotions behind it. "Promise me you'll never leave me," he whispered against my mouth. "No matter what."
"Of course, Simon."
Simon's grip on my scalp tightened. "Say it. I need to hear you say it."
I was flustered by Simon's intensity but I obliged. "I promise to never leave you."
"No matter what."
"No matter what," I repeated, my heart beating fast, disconcerted by Simon's behavior. But when he pulled back and smiled ruefully at me, he seemed like the Simon I knew. I told myself I had to be understanding about his behavior. We had both been through a lot.
We didn't mention the incident again as we drove to the airport, although I couldn't completely push it out of my mind. Kendra's boundless energy and enthusiasm helped to diffuse the situation and soon I was able to not focus on it so much.
Simon was reluctant to drop me off at my apartment after we picked Kendra up, but I needed some space. Everyone was coming over to Sarah's and my apartment for dinner before heading down to the East End, and I used the excuse of having to prepare dinner for not going back to Simon's place.
I was surprised to find Sarah lounging on the couch watching TV and working her way through a bag of potato chips when I got home. I looked around the living room comically, looking shocked.
"I didn't think it was possible. I thought you and Grant were surgically joined at the hip, but he's nowhere to be seen! It's a medical miracle!"
Sarah wrinkled her nose and threw a chip at me, which I easily caught. "You're one to talk. You and Simon are joined at the mouth. I've never seen so much PDA in my life."
I threw my coat over the recliner and sat down heavily on the couch next to Sarah. "I know, right? I'm sure it's nauseating for everyone around us. I would be annoyed too, if some couple was constantly making out in front of me. We just can't seem to keep our hands off each other."
Sarah offered me the bag of chips and I reached in for a handful. She gave me a wry smile. "It's okay, I know the feeling. It feels so weird that Grant and I are a couple now. Weird, but great. It seems like all I want to do is jump his bones all the time. Fortunately, he feels the same way." She put her arm around me. "Besides, it's nice seeing you happy with a guy for once."
I bit my lip as I contemplated Sarah's words. "So...you guys have gone all the way?"
Sarah raised her eyebrows and got up without saying a word, walking into the kitchen. I blinked in confusion but then she came back with a pint of ice cream and two spoons, handing me one. "This isn't a conversation we can have without Ben & Jerry."
I laughed at her but proceeded to scoop up some ice cream onto my spoon.
"Now, back to your question," Sarah said as she dug into the ice cream as well. "The answer is yes, we've had sex." She gave me an assessing look. "Have you?"
I flushed at the topic of conversation, not used to sharing such personal details. I had never before had such personal details to share. But if there was one person I could be honest with, it was Sarah. "Not yet. I...I don't know, it's such a big step. I love Simon, but something's stopping me."
"Does he know you're a virgin?"
