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I saw a flare of excitement in Simon's eyes but he merely asked in a steady voice, "What exactly do you mean?"
There was no turning back now, so I gathered all my courage. "I mean, I want you to make love to me."
Simon's arms around me tightened and I felt the full effect of my words on the lower half of his body. His eyes were blazing with desire but he gave me a half-smile. "You have no idea what that means to me. I want you so badly it's killing me. But I don't want the first time I make love to you to be in my parents' house. I don't want to have to worry about being quiet. I want to hear you say my name the first time I slide inside you. I want to hear you cry out when I make you come."
I gulped, his words bringing to mind an imagery that was hard to dismiss. Even though I felt the desperation to join our bodies together, I knew what he was saying made sense. The last thing I wanted was for our first time to be hampered by the fear of being overheard. Especially since it would be my first time ever.
"You're probably right." I bit my lip, getting ready for the plunge. I didn't know why I was so nervous about telling Simon that I was a virgin. I didn't think he would think any less of me because of it. It just made me feel so painfully vulnerable. "There's one more thing you should know. It'll be my first time."
I didn't think it was possible but Simon's eyes blazed even hotter. "You mean, you've never had sex before?"
I nodded my head in affirmation, feeling myself flush. Simon crushed me in his arms, holding me so tightly I could barely breathe.
"Baby, you don't know what that means to me. To think that I'll be your first. That you're all mine." Simon trailed kisses up my neck, tracing the edge of my jaw with butterfly touches. When he looked at me, the intensity of his eyes took my breath away. "Mine," he repeatedly softly. "You belong to me. Only me."
I nodded helplessly, knowing that he was right and not caring about the triumphant gleam in his eyes. He kissed me fiercely, pressing his body against mine. I felt an overwhelming sense of elation when he murmured against my mouth, "And I belong to you."
I couldn't tell you how long we kissed, but when we broke apart we were both breathless. The corner of Simon's mouth lifted ruefully.
"As badly as I want you, your first time definitely can't be here. I want it to be special. Just be forewarned—when we get back to Rochester I'm not going to keep my hands off of you."
I giggled, my laugh sounding foreign to my ears. It sounded almost coquettish, a feeling that I was unfamiliar with.
Simon glanced down at himself and then smiled at me wryly. "We need to do something a little less arousing. Otherwise I'm going to be a little obvious at dinner."
The thought of Simon's parents seeing his state and knowing that I was the cause of it made me step back. "Good idea. Are you sure you can't fit in a cold shower before dinner?"
Simon grinned and took my hand, leading me to the couch in his room. It still amazed me how big his bedroom was, almost looking like an entire apartment except for the lack of a kitchen.
We watched TV until it was time to go downstairs. I was thankful that Simon's state of arousal had lessened by the time we stepped into the dining room.
Simon's parents and Kendra were already sitting at the table. Simon's father stood up to greet me and I was surprised when he gave me a kiss on the cheek. While he had always been polite, he had never shown me any affection.
"It's good to see you, Caitlin," he said after he stepped back.
"Thank you for having me over for Thanksgiving," I replied shyly. Simon guided me to a seat and sat down next to me.
I blanched when Mr. Crewe winked at me, taken aback by his gesture. "I have a feeling that if you didn't come here for Thanksgiving, Simon would be in Philadelphia right now."
I smiled at his sentiment. "Actually, if I wasn't here I would be at my roommate's house in Westchester. I go there for most of the holidays."
Mr. Crewe frowned at me as Maxine entered and placed platters of pot roast and potatoes on the table. "You don't spend the holidays with your father?"
"Not really. He's usually busy and it's easier for both of us if I just go home with Sarah." There was no way I was discussing my dysfunctional relationship with my father with Simon's family. Simon's father frowned, but he was momentarily distracted as he thanked Maxine. Unfortunately, he then focused his attention back to me.
"Your father must get lonely without you. I'm happy you're here with us, but I'm sure he'd appreciate you spending the holidays with him."
"Dad," Simon said in warning voice. "Drop it."
Mrs. Crewe put a hand on her husband's arm before he could respond. I didn't see the look that passed between them, but I had a feeling that she knew more about my relationship with my father than Mr. Crewe. Mr. Crewe just nodded, letting the topic go, and Kendra changed the subject by talking about a girl in her class getting breast implants. Both her parents were so appalled by the idea that they immediately forgot about what we had been talking about.
"Sorry," Simon whispered, squeezing my hand. I gave him a smile to reassure him that I was okay, although the topic of my
father had dampened my mood a little. I wondered what he was doing for Thanksgiving. I remembered how anguished he had sounded when he had finally revealed the circumstances of my mother's death. Was I being selfish by never spending the holidays with him? Yet it was so hard to withstand his criticisms and harsh words that made me feel like less than nothing.
I made myself clean my plate although my appetite had vanished. I participated in the conversation when a direct question was asked of me, but otherwise I kept quiet. I felt Simon glancing at me throughout dinner but I didn't look at him, afraid that I would start crying if I saw the sympathy in his eyes. I didn't know why I was feeling so melancholy about my relationship with my father now, when I had spent so many holidays without him with no problem.
After dinner, Simon and I went up to his room under the guise of watching a movie. Simon pulled me into an embrace as soon as we closed his bedroom door behind us.
