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She walked me to the door.
I turned around and gave her a sorrowful look, then touched a kiss softly to her lips, before walking out her door.
***
The minute I got home from Kemara’s apartment, I knew what I needed to do. I hurried inside and started to do a purge of everything I owned from the New Aryan Nation.
For years, I knew I didn’t believe the same way my father and brother believed. I never wanted to belong to a white supremacy group. I always had wavering thoughts about their conversations about other races and their mistreatment of people. Some of the big wigs in the group talked about how they didn’t hire blacks, and if they did it was for lesser positions. Others spoke about how they blatantly were rude to blacks or arrested them for no reason, but I digress. If their conversation wasn’t affecting me, I didn’t make a strong move one way or the other. Now that those beliefs threatened the girl I cared for deeply, Kemara, I wanted out and now was the perfect time to get that ball rolling.
If Kemara learned of my dealings with the group, we would be over and done with. She would walk out of my life forever. It would kill me if she would break up with me. I was more than falling in love with her. I had already fallen.
When I went back to her apartment, I got a chance to see just how much I cared for her. I wanted to have sex with Kemara because I wanted to have sex with the woman I loved. We had taken things slowly, but I was past that. I wanted to be with her, fully and explicitly and that meant getting rid of the lies that were between us. How could I tell her that I belonged to a group that wanted to get rid of blacks? No. She couldn’t know the truth. I was at the point of cutting all ties with that group, even if it meant losing my father and brother from my life.
I dug through drawers and piles and piles of papers in my closet. I got rid of everything I owned that contained the symbol of the New Aryan Nation. I tossed the clothes away that would represent what I didn’t believe. The only thing left to do was to go to the next meeting and profess my changed feelings and get out of the club, so that I could happily move on with her.
Kemara was the only one that mattered to me and I would gladly give up anything or anyone to be with her. As I finished by taking the trash bag out to the garbage, I heard a ding on my cellphone. I went back in the house and grabbed my phone to see a text from Kemara.
Kemara: You left so suddenly, just wanted to make sure everything is good and that tonight wasn’t too much.
I felt bad that she had to ask. The minute we got back to her place, she had thoughts of making love and I squashed that, most likely shredding some of her dignity in the process. I sent her back the reply.
Me: I’m truly sorry, baby. I will make this up to you. I promise.
That was the truth. If it was the last thing I did, I would make it up to her. I would give her back her special night, once the New Aryan Nation was in my past. I just couldn’t be with her knowing that I was officially a part of something that was against her existence. The following night was our next meeting and the night I would end it all.
Chapter Thirteen
Kemara
I kept looking back over our last text. I didn’t want him to think he had to make anything up to me. I just wanted to see him and try to figure out why things ended the way they did. We had a lot of hot and cold moments on nights we dated, but I thought we were on the same page when we left my parents’ house. I hadn’t anticipated that when I seduced him at my apartment, he would stop me, literally tossing my shirt back to me with a confused look on his face. He could barely look at me as he left. It was a pride thing and he had injured mine. I could get past that, as long as he had a good reason why he stopped.
The next night, I headed towards his place. I needed to see him and get down to the nitty gritty of what was going on. As I drove, I thought about everything I wanted to say to him. I c
onsidered messaging him to tell him I would be paying him a visit, but decided on a surprise visit.
So, it was just me on the open road, heading to his place, and hoping some answers would be revealed. However, twenty minutes before I got to his house, I stopped at a red light. I was looking around at the businesses in the area and spotted a lodge. In the parking lot was a beat-up pickup truck that looked just like Channing’s.
There’s no way there could be more than one of those beat up pickup trucks in this area, I thought as I giggled.
When I could go at the light, I proceeded to the opening of the parking lot and pulled in. Sure enough, I recognized the dark gray truck with the faded lettering of the Chevy decal. There was also a scratch that ran along the length of his driver’s side door, which came into view once I got closer. He had said that the scratch occurred once when he was in a bar fight and some guy keyed his car. I was always a little prone to the bad boys, so it only intensified the attraction I held for him.
I parked next to him and looked up at the lodge. A million thoughts ran through my mind, starting with, Oh my God, he’s hanging out at this lounge because he’s fucking someone else and that’s why he has no interest in having sex with me. I could feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes as the thought that he could potentially be having an affair dawned on me.
Then, I came down from that fear and considered the lodge was just a place to eat and perhaps that was why he was there. According to the sign they had Great Service and Good Eats, so I calmed my nerves and turned off my car.
Either way, I needed to try to get down to what was going on in the lodge. If it came out that Channing was cheating on me, then so be it. At least, I would know the truth and could attempt to get on with my life without him.
I jumped out of the car, locked it up, and headed to the front door. I took a deep breath, as I entered the rustic-looking lodge, not knowing what to expect once I got inside. When I walked through the doors, there was a large reception desk in the front lobby. I was nervous, but I walked up there, just to see if Channing was there.
“May I help you?” The male receptionist asked.
“Yes! I was wondering if you had a guest here by the name of Channing Holloway,” I asked.
“I’m sorry, Miss, but I can’t give out that information,” he said.
My face fell. I nodded my understanding and thought maybe that would be the end of it. “Where’s your restaurant?” I asked.
He pointed me in the direction, but when I started to head that way, he stopped me. “Uh ma’am, the restaurant is closed today, because there’s a meeting going on,” he said and anxiously rose to his feet. “It will open back up tomorrow at six in the morning, ma’am. Come back then.”
