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That’s right. Suck, you fuggin’ dog! That’s why I made you take a bath before you even THOUGHT about touching me again today. I absolutely cannot believe how two-faced you really are. You must be pretty proud of yourself. Two women on the same day, in the same house? You clueless jackass. My thoughts were vividly vengeful, but the sickly sweet smile on my face hid the venom I possessed inside.
He’d even planned a surprise trip to New York by private jet for us to attend a Beyonce’ concert that night. I accepted the invitation willingly, letting him spend money on me like tomorrow would never come. I thought about the fact that just days ago, I would have been on cloud nine enjoying this trip with my gorgeous husband, and now I could only laugh at his spastic actions.
Talk about guilt eating a man alive! Titus’ little guilt bug must have eaten half of his insides by the time we got to NY, because even more surprising than the impromptu trip was his suggestion to walk in the park, hand in hand, on Saturday evening once we had arrived. Madison Square Park was a nice change of scenery from the countryside in West Point, Georgia, and I to
ok in every bustling minute of the fast city. I wasn’t going to let his wild indiscretions cause me to miss out on this great opportunity.
We walked and talked as if we were getting to know each other all over again, and I made a point of not giving him one inkling that I was aware of his sordid affair with Rhonda. I allowed him to do his best to woo me, and I took some consolation in knowing that Rhonda was missing him that weekend. I wondered if she was at home, pining for my husband at that very moment while we were laughing and gazing into one another’s eyes. I hoped that she was trying to reach him, to no avail, and that she felt the way I did all of those nights I sat at home crying all alone.
Saturday night, Titus and I relaxed in each other’s arms until the early morning hours in a five-star hotel that he chose because it was close to the airport. I was amazed that suddenly this man who had been so absent from our marriage for so long had finally decided to man up and show me some love – too little too late, I was afraid.
When we returned home on Sunday evening, we were pretty much holed up at home. To my surprise, Titus never once checked his pager and darted out the door, yelling over his shoulder, “I gotta make a run, Shay!” He never once called one of his boys over to hang out, play dominos, and smoke. I didn’t have to tell him to give his cell phone a rest and pay attention to me. He was all about us, and only us, for the first time in a very long time.
I allowed him to be the most attentive to me that he had been in years without once mentioning his trifling disloyalty. I put on a front as if I enjoyed his company that I’d longed for many nights before, all the while keeping his treacherous secret at bay. I soaked up every moment of my husband’s time that he had to offer, for I knew the time would come that he would have to get back to business as usual. Or was it that he was going to get back to lying about work and get busy sleeping with my best friend? The one thing that I didn’t want to deal with at this point was the elephant in the room – his inconceivable affair with Rhonda.
“Do you have to go to California tomorrow?” I asked him sweetly, once we had returned home from New York, and he stood in our massive closet packing his suitcase. I hoped to convince him differently about traveling to California to take care of what he called ‘pressing business.’ Ever since Street had called thirty minutes earlier, he had been hyped about getting to California to straighten out his money.
“Yeah, babygirl. I wish I didn‘t have to go, but I gotta take care of this messed up money situation. Fa Ya Grillz has an accounting issue that I got to go over there and straighten out personally. You know how niggas try to get out of line when the big dog is away?” He kissed my forehead, and added, “It shouldn’t take more than a day or two to get this straight. Then I’ll be on the first thing smoking back to my baby.”
He planted a kiss on my forehead and continued placing garments into his suitcase. After a few moments, he realized that I was still standing there, hands crossed, face tight, lips pouting, and visibly upset about his leaving so soon after just getting home. He placed his arms around me, allowing his hands to slither like a snake down my back to my hips.
“What? My baby wants some time with Big T before I go? Is that what you need, baby?” His lips found mine, and he lustfully kissed me as his hands traveled all over my body. I immediately pictured him feeling on Rhonda the same way. Hell, for all I knew, that was where he was headed right this minute. Make Big T cum for me, Ronnie, I heard him moan in my mind’s eye.
“No!” I pushed him away, still pissed that he was about to up and leave me alone when we still had so much to work out. “I do not ‘want some time’ before you go. I’m coming with you,” I stated matter-of-factly. There would be no more begging, asking, hoping, and wishing for things I wanted, but there would be more declarations, telling and demanding of him what I wanted and needed from that point on. I was going to be the one telling him what was going to happen in our marriage. Knowing that he was actively participating in an affair with Rhonda had changed the dynamics of this so-called relationship, whether he knew it or not.
I could feel my spine thickening, growing a protective layer that allowed me to stand on my own two feet. I didn’t know if I should thank Rhonda for jarring me out of my stupor, or kick her ass for crossing the invisible line in the sand that she had crossed ten miles ago. I’d watched enough situations like mine go down to know a man will dish out just as much as a woman is willing to take. And man, I had been good on the receiving end of the dishing with taking his bull for just about twenty-two seconds too long.
Thank God, my alarm had just went off. I’ze awake now. No more pressing snooze. There would be no more sleeping with my eyes open, not for Shayla Wilson. I also knew that even when a man had buried a woman completely up to her neck in stress and hurt that he didn’t have one problem shoveling a couple more inches of shit on top of her. I was not going to stand around and let Titus shovel any more of his shit in my direction. I was either going to be his Queen B, or the thorn in his side. At the end of the day, a woman has to be ready and willing to take care of herself – first. If she don’t or won’t, who will?
Clearly shocked and thoroughly irritated with my assertion, Titus stood there with his hands still suspended in the air in the same position they were in when he had wrapped them around me earlier. When he realized I was not joking, he tried to play me like he normally would. He didn’t know that the game had changed. “Go on with that noise, Shayla. You know you can’t come with me to handle business. Get me that blue shirt out the dresser, aight?” He turned away from me.
I stood my ground and stared at his back until he turned around again, looking annoyed.
“Shay, I said, get me that blue shirt, now. Quit playin’, girl. Don’t ruin a good day, okay?”
“I said… I’m…. coming… with … you.” I spelled it out, in case he hadn’t heard me the first time. Unlike any other day, I made no move toward the dresser to follow his orders.
There was an awkward moment that passed between us as Titus stared at me, trying to decipher my new attitude. Finally, he switched gears and decided to plead his case. He smiled and poured on the charm. “Nah, Shayla. I don’t think it is a good idea for you to come with me. Things might get crazy out here, and my first duty is to protect you, my Queen. I can’t let nothing happen to you. You stay here, and I’ll be back in a few days. I’ll come straight home, so you don’t have to hear nothing about me having to work right when I get back.”
Ignoring his tired attempt at ditching me, I grabbed my suitcase and said, “I’m tired of the bullshit! You are always playing me to the left. I said I’m going, and that’s final.”
To my surprise, he easily caved and said ambivalently, “Okay, get packed, and let’s go then, babe. But you’re gonna have to stay low key. I don’t want any of those trifling niggas out west to know I have my wifey with me. There is no telling what kind of move they will try to make.”
As I packed my clothing into my leather travel bag, I felt a smile a mile wide plaster itself across my face. I was feeling more like a woman than I had in my entire life. If I’d known all along that putting my foot down was so much more gratifying than wallowing in sorrow, I would have done so a long time ago. I had this tiny feeling growing in my gut that things were about to change for the better.
Chapter 15
Gladys
Saturday night, as I entered the masquerade ball, the scene was something out of an exotic fairytale. The room was lit by meticulously placed red candles on the counters, tables, and booths. The room exuded a sense of passion in the air that was the perfect setting for rekindling a love affair. It had all of the fixings for a naughty getaway. Lovers cuddled, laughed, and caressed each other with their eyes, their faces lit romantically by the red candles that burned in the middle of each table. Red streamers draped the ceiling, intermingled with strips of white lights. A sultry slow jam mesmerized the couples as wanting bodies moved to the rhythm of the beat.
I simply inhaled the ambience and tried to take it all in. I wished James and I could still share moments like this. I remembered when he loved me enough to take me dancing on Friday nights and romance me over candle light. He treated me like I was the only woman in the world that mattered back then. Where had the love gone?
The silky red mask with black lace striations that I chose to wear was a cute little thing with two fiery red feathers coming out of each side. It was a sensual addition to my sleek V-neck black dress and accessories by Kimora. My hair fell around my shoulders in a cascade of curls and the final touch, my makeup, was flawless. My look was screaming, “Attention, ladies and gentleman: Beyonce’ don’t have anything on me!” Yes, the fact that I had it going on sent my confidence level off the meter. Beyonce’ who? I thought, as I sashayed into the room.
Instead of immediately hiding myself away in a secluded booth, I decided to mix and mingle a little bit before sauntering to the bar in pursuit of a relaxing potion to totally unwind me. On the way to the bar, I spotted a person who looked like an old friend, Gloria Dennis. I was headed in her direction to speak when I glanced to the right side of the room and was taken aback. Shock took over my body and kept me frozen in my tracks.
“Dios mio! Sexy chocolate.” I sighed to myself as a masked male stripper danced and strategically removed articles of his clothing while gyrating his body sensuously to the music. Standing in a cage to the right side of the room, the stripper now wore only a pair of tight leather pants and a black leather face mask. When he did a handstand while doing a full split in mid-air, my mouth flew open, and he had my undivided attention. It wasn’t long before he was back on his feet and getting rid of his pants.
