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So the ladder was for night swims. Patrick was being invited to take part in a ritual that Mrs. Clausen had enacted with her late husband. Their careful, single-file navigation of the thin, dark dock seemed a holy passage.
The flashlight caught a large spider moving quickly along a mooring line. The spider startled Wallingford, but not Mrs. Clausen. "It's just a spider," she said. "I like spiders. They're so industrious."
So she likes industriousness and spiders, Patrick thought. He hated himself for bringing Stuart Little instead of Charlotte's Web. Perhaps he wouldn't even mention to Doris that he had brought the stupid book with him, let alone that he'd imagined reading it first to her and then to little Otto.
At the ladder, Mrs. Clausen took off her robe. She'd clearly had some practice at arranging the flashlight on the robe so that it pointed out over the lake. The light would be a beacon for them to return to.
Wallingford took off his towel and stood naked beside her. She gave him no time to think about touching her; she went quickly down the ladder and slipped into the lake, making almost no sound. He followed her into the water, but not as gracefully or noiselessly as she had managed it. (You try going down a ladder with one hand.) The best Patrick could do was clutch the side rail in the crook of his left arm; his right hand and arm did most of the work.
They swam close together. Mrs. Clausen was careful not to swim too far ahead of him, or she treaded water or
just floated until he caught up with her. They went out past the deep end of the big outdoors dock, where they could see the dark outline of the unlit main cabin and the smaller outbuildings; the rudimentary buildings resembled a wilderness colony, abandoned. Across the moonlit lake, the other summer cottages were unlit, too. The cottagers went to bed early and got up with the sun.
In addition to the flashlight aimed at the lake from the dock in the boathouse, there was another light visible--in Otto junior's bedroom. Doris had left the gas lamp on, in case the child woke up; she didn't want him to be frightened by the dark. With the windows open, she was sure she would hear the baby if he awakened and cried. Sound travels very clearly over water, especially at night, Mrs. Clausen explained.
She could easily talk while swimming--she didn't once sound out of breath. She talked and talked, explaining everything. How she and Otto senior could never swim at night by diving off the big outdoors dock, where the other Clausens (in the other cabins) would hear them. But by entering the lake from inside the boathouse, they'd discovered that they could reach the water undetected.
Wallingford could hear the ghosts of boisterous, fun-loving Clausens going back and forth to the beer fridge--a screen door whapping and someone calling, "Don't let the mosquitoes in!" Or a woman's voice: "That dog is all wet!" And the voice of a child: "Uncle Donny did it."
One of the dogs would come down to the lake and bark witlessly at Mrs. Clausen and Otto senior, swimming naked and undetected--except by the dog. "Someone shoot that damn dog!" an angry voice would call. Then someone else would say, "Maybe it's an otter or a mink." A third person, either opening or closing the door of the beer fridge, would comment: "No, it's just that brainless dog. That dog barks at anything, or at nothing at all."
Wallingford wasn't sure if he was really swimming naked with Doris Clausen, or if she was sleeplessly reliving her night swims with Otto senior. Patrick loved swimming beside her, despite the obvious melancholy attached to it.
When the mosquitoes found them, they swam underwater for a short distance, but Mrs. Clausen wanted to go back to the boathouse. If they swam underwater, even briefly, they wouldn't hear the baby if he cried or notice if the gaslight flickered.
There were the stars and the moon in the northern night sky; there was a loon calling, and another loon diving nearby. Just briefly, the swimmers thought they heard snatches of a song. Maybe someone in one of the dark cottages across the lake was playing a radio, but the swimmers didn't think it was a radio.
The song, which was a song they were both familiar with, was on their minds at that moment simultaneously. It was a popular song about missing someone, and clearly Mrs. Clausen was missing her late husband. Patrick missed Mrs. Clausen, although in truth they'd only ever been together in his imagination.
She went up the ladder first. Treading water, he saw her silhouette--the beam of the flashlight was behind her. She quickly put on her robe as he struggled one-handed up the ladder. She shined the flashlight down at the dock, where he could see his towel; while he picked it up and wrapped it around his waist, she waited with the light pointed at her feet. Then she reached back and took his one hand, and he followed her again.
They went to look at little Otto, sleeping. Wallingford was unprepared; he didn't know that watching a sleeping child was as good as a movie to some mothers. When Mrs. Clausen sat on one of the twin beds and commenced to stare at her sleeping son, Patrick sat down beside her. He had to--she'd not let go of his hand. It was as if the child were a drama, unfolding.
"Story time," Doris whispered, in a voice Wallingford had not heard before--she sounded ashamed. She gave a slight squeeze to Wallingford's one hand, just in case he was confused and had misunderstood her. The story was for him, not for little Otto.
"I tried to see someone, I mean someone else," she said. "I tried going out with him."
Did "going out" with someone mean what Wallingford thought it meant, even in Wisconsin?
"I slept with someone, someone I shouldn't have slept with," Mrs. Clausen explained.
"Oh ..." Patrick couldn't help saying; it was an involuntary response. He listened for the breathing of the sleeping child, not hearing it above the sound the gaslight made, which was like a kind of breathing.
"He's someone I've known for a long time, but in another life," Doris went on. "He's a little younger than I am," she added. She still held Wallingford's one hand, although she'd stopped squeezing it. He wanted to squeeze her hand--to show her his sympathy, to support her--but his hand felt anesthetized. (He recognized the feeling.) "He used to be married to a friend of mine," Mrs. Clausen continued. "We all went out together when Otto was alive. We were always doing things, the four of us, the way couples do."
Patrick managed to squeeze her hand a little.
"But he broke up with his wife--this was after I lost Otto," Mrs. Clausen explained. "And when he called me and asked me out, I didn't say I would--not at first. I called my friend, just to be sure they were getting divorced and that our going out was all right with her. She said it was okay, but she didn't mean it. It wasn't okay with her, after the fact. And I shouldn't have. I didn't like him, anyway. Not in that way."
It was all Wallingford could do not to shout, "Good!"
"So I told him I wouldn't go out with him anymore. He took it okay, he's still friendly, but she won't talk to me. And she was the maid of honor at my wedding, if you can imagine that." Wallingford could, if only on the basis of a single photograph. "Well, that's all. I just wanted to tell you," Mrs. Clausen said.
"I'm glad you told me," Patrick managed to say, although "glad" didn't come close to what he felt--a devastating jealousy in tandem with an overwhelming relief. She'd slept with an old friend--that was all! That it hadn't worked out made Wallingford feel more than glad; he felt elated. He also felt naive. Without being beautiful, Mrs. Clausen was one of the most sexually attractive women he'd ever met. Of course men would call her and ask her "out." Why hadn't he foreseen this?
He didn't know where to start. Possibly Patrick took too much encouragement from the fact that Mrs. Clausen now gripped his hand more tightly than before; she must have been relieved that he'd been a sympathetic listener.
"I love you," he began. He was pleased that Doris didn't take her hand away, although he felt her grip lessen. "I want to live with you and little Otto. I want to marry you." She was neutral now, just listening. He couldn't tell what she thought.
