Page 35 of The Water-Method Man

'Perhaps you're right,' he said, letting his weapon hang innocently. 'The secret to the boob loop lies, in part, in the boob. The lack of a bra is a must. Also, a proper angle. I usually go over the shoulder; that way, they never see it coming. Under the arm, from the side, is good too, but that takes rare positioning.'

'Merrill, have you ever done this before?'

'No. I just brought it up, Boggle, because I thought it would make a great introduction. Reel them in, then introduce yourself.'

'They might think you forward.'

'Aggressiveness is essential these days.'

The waitress eyed Merrill's dangling loop with suspicion, but she offered a small target, at best. Also, Herr Halling, at the bar, could fairly have been termed 'moralistic'. Merrill forgot about his boob loop, swooned in his slivowitz, revived with beer and considered the possible need of checking his blood sugar by doing his usual urine test. But his test tubes and little vials of sugar-sensitive solutions were three floors up in the Tauernhof, and the men's room would be crowded this time of night; he would be forced to pee in the sink, a habit he knew I despised. Therefore, he went off, in his own peculiar fashion, sitting right where he was. He simply was away somewhere. As long as he wasn't hurting himself, I always left his trances alone. He was smiling. Once he said, 'What?' 'Nothing,' I told him, and he nodded. Agreed: there had been nothing.

Then you walked in, Biggie. I recognized Sue 'Biggie' Kunft right away. I elbowed Merrill; he didn't feel a thing. I pinched a tight roll of flesh on his belly and gave him a hard, painful twist under the table.

'Nurse ...' Merrill said, 'it's starting again.' Then he looked over my shoulder at the sharp little faces and tiny antlers of the chamois trophies along the wall. 'Hi! Sit down,' he told them. 'Shit, it's good to see you.'

Sue 'Biggie' Kunft had not yet decided to stay. She kept her parka on, though she unzipped it. She wasn't alone; two other girls were with her, obviously teammates. They all wore those parkas with the Olympic insignia and little USA stickers on the sleeve. Stunning Biggie Kunft, with two unattractive teammates, had shunned the hip and sporty crowds in Zell am See; had they come for local color - for local men, with whom they might remain anonymous?

One of the girls with Biggie Kunft announced that the Gasthaus Tauernhof was 'quaint'.

Her friend said, 'There's no one under forty here.'

'Well, there's that one,' said Sue 'Biggie' Kunft, meaning me. She couldn't see Merrill, who'd laid himself down on the far end of the long bench at our table.

'Nurse?' he asked me. I stuffed a ski hat under his head, trying to make him more comfortable, 'I don't mind the sleeping pill, nurse,' he said in a groggy voice, 'but I refuse to have another enema.'

The girls were making up their minds while Herr Halling and a few others took turns recognizing this great-boobed blonde. Should they take a table alone or sit at the far end of mine?

'He looks a little drunk,' one girl told Biggie.

'What a funny body he has!' said the other.

'I think it's an interesting body,' Biggie said, and she slipped her parka off her shoulders and tossed her thick, shoulder-bobbed hair; she bore down on my table with a self-sure swagger, a way of walking which was almost male. A big strong girl, she knew that the grace she had was an athletic sort; she didn't try to fake a kind of femininity she knew she didn't have. Knee-high, big fur boots and dark-brown jersey stretch pants, very snug; she wore a deep-orange velour V-neck and the white of her throat and cleavage was a shock under her tanned face. Those two outstanding orange breasts were floating down on me, like some drunken double vision of a sunset. I lifted Merrill's head by his ear and bounced him lightly on the ski hat, then harder, on the bench.

'Aggressiveness is essential, nurse,' he said. His eyes were open; he was winking at all the chamois on the wall.

'Ist dieser Tisch noch frei?' asked Sue 'Biggie' Kunft, who on television had said she spoke German only with her father.

'Bitte, Sie sollen hier setzen,' I mumbled for them to sit down. That good big one right across from me; the other two hanging back, awkward jocks trying to look lithe and bouncy and girlish. They sat on her side of the table too, across from where Merrill Overturf lay unnoticed; no need, I felt, to make them uncomfortable by calling him to their attention. No need, either, to stand up politely and let Sue Kunft see that she had an inch on me; sitting down, we were equally tall. I've a fine torso; only my legs fall short.

'Was mochten Sie zum trinken?' I asked her, and ordered cider for the two nowhere girls and a beer for Biggie. Watching Herr Halling navigate the dark Keller, announcing over the girls' shoulders, 'Zwei Apfelsaft, ein Bier ...' His mind took a long drink down the cleavage of the winner of the women's giant slalom.

I continued a distant German prattle with the champion across from me, while the tragic girls at the cold end of the table did fussy things with their hands and mewed together. 'Biggie' spoke a sort of home-made German, learned and heard from only one parent, who had given her a perfect accent and no regard for grammar. She could tell I wasn't from around Kaprun or Zell because I didn't use the dialect, but she never guessed I was American, and I saw no reason to speak English; it would have allowed the girls at the end of the table to join in.

However, I wanted Merrill to join in. I reached out to slap his face, but his head was gone.

'You're not from around here?' Biggie asked me.

'Nein.'

Merrill's head was not on the bench any more. I groped around for the rest of him under the table with my foot, behind the bench with my hand, smiling and nodding all the while.

'You like skiing here?' she asked.

'Nein, I didn't come to ski. I don't ski at all ...'

'Why are you in the mountains if you don't ski?'

'I used to be a pole-vaulter,' I told her, watching her repeat the German softly to herself, then nodding; she understands. Now I watch her thinking of the relationship between being in the mountains and having been a pole-vaulter. Did he imply he came to the mountains because he used to pole-vault? She thinks this was implied. How will she handle this? I'm wondering. Also: Where the hell is Merrill?

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