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“We will repay you.”
“You won’t.”
“We must!”
He took a step closer, his hungry eyes flowing over her.
As if propelled by invisible cords, she too began closing the distance between them. She willed him to reach out, pull her into his arms and kiss her like he’d done an eternity ago.
Then without warning, the hungry look disappeared and he backed away once again, staring into the flames as if nothing had happened.
Eliza studied the ground, her heart cold. The distance between became a cavern where her emotions echoed off the lonely, towering walls. Maybe he really didn’t care. Maybe she’d imagined it all because she wanted it to be so. Maybe the emotions she’d felt between them during their reading had been an act all along.
“Eliza,” Thomas said, “I’ve only ever done what I thought was best—though perhaps not what your father would have done. When the danger is past, I’ll return you and your sister to Boston. I promise.”
It is clear, then. He doesn’t want me.
Eliza swallowed the hurt and blinked back a wave of tears. It made sense she would go back to Boston. They weren’t really attached to each other anyway. This wasn’t her real home. He didn’t want to be shackled with two women for the rest of his life. He’d done his duty in caring for her and Kitty, and nothing more should be expected.
But why did such a thing have to be so painful?
The light in Eliza’s sparkling complexion dimmed and Thomas’s muscles tensed. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. He’d seen the way she looked at him, with the same desire that burned in his chest, but he had to stay focused on what God had asked him to do. He had to ignore his desire for her, and teach her what she wanted and needed to know.
Releasing a weighted breath, Thomas shifted his weight and caught a glimpse of Robert’s book on the table between the chairs. His throat thickened. What a noble man Robert had been. If only Thomas could help Eliza to see that Robert truly did everything for the welfare of his daughters.
He picked up the book, turning it over in his hands. “My father was a hard man.”
Eliza pulled back, her brows pushing down. As if unsure what to do or say, she backed into the nearest chair and knit her fingers in her lap.
Thomas faced the fire and rested his palm on the smooth wood in front of him.
“I had an older brother, Michael. He was my father’s pride and joy. Father doted on him, and loved him powerfully, but he saw me differently. Mother died bringing me into this world and Father blamed me for her death every day of my life. When I was a young boy he simply ignored me, pretended I didn’t exist. The three of us came to America when I was only four years old and Father opened his printing press. As we matured, Michael said he wanted to grow up and inherit Father’s business, and of course Father was thrilled, but I knew Michael cared nothing about the trade. Not like I did. I enjoyed the press, found satisfaction in the work. I felt it in my blood. We both helped in the shop, but Father hardly even recognized my presence. Whenever Father finally did speak to me he reminded me of how worthless I was—telling me I would never do anyone any good—that I was responsible for Mother’s death. He already had a son that filled his every dream, what did he need me for? Of course, I did my best to please him. I studied and worked to make myself strong both in mind and body to show him I really could do all the things he claimed I couldn’t. I worked hard to show him how much I excelled at the profession, but he never noticed a thing. Nothing except Michael.”
Realizing he’d been talking for some time, Thomas stopped and flung a quick glance at Eliza. Her wide eyes and attentive stare reached out, stroking his stiff muscles. He hadn’t talked about all of this with anyone—not even Nathaniel knew about his mother. Somehow Eliza made it easy to open even the most tender wounds of the past.
“As Michael got older he formed a blinding attachment to strong drink and women. One day Father found him face down in a puddle of mud behind the press. After Michael died, my father took to drinking and increased his hatred toward me as if somehow I had been responsible for Michael’s death as well as Mother’s. He stopped working the press completely and that’s when I took it over. He died only a year later, in ‘67.”
Eliza’s heavenly eyes swam with tears and her voice sounded thick. “Thomas, I’m so sorry.”
Thomas stood straighter, as if an anvil had been lifted from his back. “Eliza, my father never acted as a caring, concerned parent.” Quickly moving to the chair beside her, he took her hand in his. “But when Robert—when your father took me under his wing—I knew a parent’s love for the first time. I felt what it must be like to have someone care for you so much they would risk everything for you.”
Slowly, Eliza’s face softened and her mouth opened as if her understanding had cleared.
Thomas carefully chose how to continue. “Your Father was the bravest, most caring man I’ve ever known, Eliza. And I know that everything he did, he did with you and Kitty in mind. He loved liberty and he understood the importance of rallying for such a vital cause. I’m sure you long to know more about him and what he did, and if I hadn’t been such a selfish fool, I would have seen that long ago.”
With eyes shimmering from the glow of the fire, Eliza scooted forward and gripped his hand tighter. “I do, Thomas. I want so desperately to know.” Suddenly she stood, pulling Thomas to stand in front of her. It took all his strength not to pull her forward and kiss her right there. If only she knew how completely bewitching she was. Her innocence and caring was enough to make any man turn mad.
A smile lit her face. “I’ve wanted to ask you this very thing so many times, but since the accident, and my recovery, and . . . after what happened a few weeks ago between us, I suppose I’ve not had much opportunity until now.”
The way her lips moved when she spoke, the way her chest pushed up and down as she breathed, acted like an opiate in his blood. All he could think about was the imprint of her body against his, the scent of her hair and the taste of her sweet lips. She had no idea what she was doing to him. He cleared his throat and focused on communicating. “I admit, I should have seen your need for it long before now, forgive me. God placed you in my life so I could help you find what you are searching for.” Unable to stop, Thomas moved closer, shrinking the distance between them.
“I belie
ve you’re right.” Eliza stared at him, her eyes never leaving his.
Her cheeks flushed dark pink and her breathing turned rapid. Placing her delicate fingers on his bicep she slid her other hand up his chest. She parted her lips and her eyes closed. She was his for the taking! Thomas smoothed his hands around her warm waist and leaned so close he could feel her breath on his mouth.
What am I doing? Thomas crunched his eyes shut. How can I take such advantage of her? She needs me as a friend, as someone she can trust. This can only make things more difficult between us.
