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“Neither. Autumn’s father came. He’s an attorney in Connecticut. I think it actually may have helped me. He was friendly with the judge.”
“Does he do criminal?”
I shook my head. “Estate planning, I think. He owns a decent-size firm. I’m sure they have a criminal section.”
“You want them involved?”
“Definitely not.”
“Alright. Well, I’ll file a notice of change of counsel today to get on record that I’ll be your attorney.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I can handle it.”
Trent frowned. “The assault is related to something that went down between the guy and Autumn, correct?”
I nodded.
“Was this incident the first time you came in contact with the guy?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he say or do anything to provoke you?”
“He smiled.”
Trent shook his head. “You beat the crap out of a guy for smiling. You don’t think maybe it’s not a good idea to represent yourself? Do I really need to remind you of the old adage? ‘A lawyer who represents himself in a criminal trial has a fool for a client.’ What are you going to do when the guy smiles at you from across the aisle in the courtroom? Even if you manage not to lunge over to his table, how good will your decisions be when they’re all emotional?”
I raked a hand through my hair and blew out a big breath. “Alright…yeah, you’re right. But you don’t do criminal.”
“It’s okay. You’ll teach me. There’s no better criminal attorney than you. You just need a mouthpiece with a calm demeanor to deliver your case.”
I nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”
Juliette had been quiet until now. “Are you and Autumn okay?”
My chest tightened. The legal and criminal implications of what I’d done didn’t worry me half as much as what I might’ve done to my relationship with Autumn. She had some major trust issues, not to mention she hated violence, and I’d showed her firsthand that you can take the boy out of the rough neighborhood, but you can’t take the rough neighborhood out of the boy.
I shook my head. “I haven’t talked to her since Saturday. She was at my arraignment with her father and posted a bond for my bail, but she left town before I got released and asked me to give her some time and space. I figured I’d call her tonight.”
Juliette winced.
I sighed. “I know. I definitely know. I’ve told women I needed a little space on more than one occasion. You know what I really meant? ‘You’re a little too fragile to dump all in one fell swoop, so we’re going to do this with baby steps.’ Trust me, I get that it’s not good.”
“Maybe it’s not so bad,” she said after a moment. “I obviously don’t know the details, but I know you had a damn good reason for what you did. She knows the man you are and probably just needs a little time to work through some things.”
I hoped Juliette was right, but I had a sickening feeling in the pit of my gut. Autumn’s biggest struggle in getting over what happened to her was coming to terms with not having seen who Braden was before he attacked her. Now she might be feeling the same way about me—and doubting herself all over again.
***
Voicemail. Again.
I hadn’t left a message the two other times I’d tried today, not wanting to leave the ball in her court. But the message was coming through loud and clear now, and if Autumn wasn’t going to pick up the phone to listen to me, I’d have to hope she at least listened to my voicemail.
I tried to get my thoughts in order as I listened to the short recording, but it wasn’t easy.
“Hey,” I began. “I know you asked me for some space, but I just want to make sure you’re doing okay.” I paused, looking for the right words, but there weren’t any. So I spoke from my heart. “I know what I did was wrong. I messed up, and I let you down. When I was a kid, Bud used to always tell me a moment of patience when you’re angry can save years of regret.” I dug my fingers into my hair and yanked. “I just… He smiled at you. He doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air you breathe, and I lost it. I’m sorry, Autumn. I’m so very sorry. I know how you feel about violence, and I don’t know how to show you that the person you saw that day isn’t me. I would never hurt you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears back and shook my head. “Fuck. I’m in love with you, Autumn. This is not the way I wanted to tell you, but it’s the truth, and I need you to know it. You might feel like it’s too soon, but I think I have been from the moment you walked into the coffee shop last year.” I blew out a deep breath. “Anyway. I get that you need some time. Please call me when you feel up to it.”
