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The thorough background check he had done made him aware that at one time she’d been pregnant. The child she’d given birth to had been stillborn. She’d had umbilical cord prolapse. Her baby had been starved of oxygen within her womb and had died. It was a rare condition. Less than a year after her loss, she’d gotten a divorce. He also knew she had to sign herself into a psychiatric ward for six months where she was evaluated because she wanted to end her own life. She’d been strong enough not to do that and to seek help. After a period of time, she released herself, and hadn’t been back. She wasn’t on any medication or watch list.
No cops wanted her in different states.
During that time, she’d been all alone in the world.
Her husband was long gone. Over five years now, and since then he’d married someone else and now had two children. Hawk didn’t want to bring up bad memories, but he was curious about her life. Why she kept it a secret and especially now as she seemed healthier, better. He’d also gotten the full details of her employment record at the agency where he’d hired her.
In the last five years, she’d been their best employee. Her clients were nothing but happy with her, and she seemed perfectly content with her life. The first day he met her at the grocery store, she’d been happy and now she was even more so.
His curiosity was getting the better of him.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” he asked.
This made her freeze as she was shaping the dough.
Jasmine looked up at him.
He saw the frown on her face and then her lips pressed together.
“You had a background check run on me?”
“I’m the Prez of the Satan’s Rulers MC, Jasmine. I have to make sure that my daughter is well taken care of.”
She looked at his little girl. She looked disappointed and even a little hurt. “You know everything then. All about my life.”
“Yes. I know about your marriage. What caused it to end. The loss of your baby and your stay in a psychiatric ward,” he said.
“Just because you’re part of an MC doesn’t give you the right to interfere with my life.”
“No, but there’s nothing you can do about me finding out, so now just talk to me. I want to make sure that my daughter is okay.”
“I would never harm a child.”
“That may be. Why did you put yourself in a ward if you weren’t worried about what you were going to do?”
She put down the dough. She wiped her hands and lifted Bethany up in her arms. “I’ll be back.”
He followed her through to the sitting room where she placed Bethany.
She turned toward him and stared in his eyes. “Because every single day I felt guilty that my child was dead and I was alive. For hours I’d lay in the bath, the blade poised to my wrists, and I was so close to cutting. To just letting nature take its course. I was alone. I’d divorced my husband, and I wanted everything to just … stop. I couldn’t press pause. I couldn’t make the feelings go away. I just wanted everything to just be quiet. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to … I don’t know, ruin my shot of getting into heaven maybe. I don’t know what happens on the other side.”
“You’re religious?”
“I’m not, but I want to think that my little boy is on the other side. That’s he’s happy and I can live with that. Instead of killing myself I did something that I never thought I’d do. I got the help I needed, and being in that ward for six months, I was able to press pause. People were there to help me and I was able to grieve and move on, and I got better. The pain still doesn’t go away, but I can talk about him. I can think about him and know that I can take a bath and not hurt or kill myself. What you found out, Hawk, is really private. I don’t tell anyone because I just don’t. It’s not important for everyone to know that. If you’re not happy with the care I provide your daughter, then please let my agency know and I will be out of here within the month, or sooner if you’re not happy. I’m also aware that my ex is happily married with kids, if that’s what you’re wondering as well. Not bad for a guy that apparently hadn’t wanted kids with me.”
She walked past him into the kitchen.
Now he felt like a fucking asshole.
****
Jasmine checked on Bethany to see the girl was still fast asleep. Slowly, creeping out of the room, she headed downstairs. It was five in the morning, but she couldn’t sleep. Hawk’s confrontation last night had taken it out of her. She’d gone through the motions, finished pizza, cleaned up, eaten, bathed Bethany, put her to bed. The moment she’d gone to her room, other than to attend Bethany last night, she’d not left her room.
