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“My dog, Law?” I twisted around, furiously looking for something to either throw or grab on to. “My fucking dog, Law? You knew my ‘dog’ and that’s all you have to say? My ‘dog’?”
Law reached for my arms, trying to bring me close, but I pulled away so frantically I hit him in the lip. The bit of blood that started to fall didn’t feel like enough. It wasn’t enough of a sacrifice for Raskol.
Law wiped his lip and addressed me calmly. “Of course it wasn’t just your dog, Nami. But…” Law trailed off as Riley started to cry, tears falling from her lids in big splotches. Her face grew red and the composed monster that had haunted my dreams evaporated before my eyes.
“Morris was watching me that day, Nami!” Riley was full on crying and I didn’t know what to believe. “I had no choice! I didn’t want to do it! He was in the car below. He told me to kill your dog or…”
“Or what, Becca?” I spat out the words because they tasted bitter, like cocoa without the added sugar.
“Or he would finish it himself!” Becca threw her hands out as if she were offering something. I didn’t want anything she had to give.
“So why didn’t you let him?” I demanded. “Why did you murder my dog? I would have rather you let him do whatever he had planned for me!”
“You don’t know what that entails,” Riley screamed, throwing herself to the ground. She started punching herself in the head, her tiny fists making big sounds against her skull. I watched, horrified, as the woman I’d come to know as a super villain in pantsuits ripped at her hair and repeatedly hit herself in the face. Law bent to the ground and tried to restrain Becca. “He makes me watch. He makes me watch as he does it to other girls. I couldn’t watch any more!”
“You should have gone to the police,” I said without thinking. Law shot me a knowing glare. Of course she couldn’t go to the police. It would have ended the way it had with me. How many women had Morris reduced to rubble like Becca?
“What do you think we’ve been working on these past years, Nami?” Law asked, irritation lacing his words. Becca calmed in his arms, her rapid breathing stilled, and she looked at me with red, glassy eyes.
“I wish I could take it back. There’s so much I wish I could take back, Nami,” Becca said. “I don’t know who I am any more. Once upon a time I was an anthropologist. Now all I think about is Morris. He consumes me.” Becca crumbled into herself. The only evidence of her sobs the shaking of her body.
“I’m so sick of deceit, Law.” I rubbed a hand to my forehead. “I’m sick of all of this. Why?”
“It started out…” Law faltered as Becca heaved in his arms. Carefully he picked her up and brought her to his bed. When she was safely under his covers, he turned his attention back to me. “When we started out, you didn’t trust me.” I glared past him to Becca in his bed. It wasn’t jealousy I felt, but disconcertion. Was that how he saw me?
“So you lied?” I scoffed, trying to change the subject in my mind. “Surefire way to gain my trust. Is anything you’ve told me true? Is your name even Nick Law?”
“I didn’t think you would listen to me if you knew how close I was to Becca.” Law glanced back at her, sleeping fitfully under his covers. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was help you, Nami. From the minute I met you. But you’re like a feral cat. If I show too much love, you run away.” Before I could blink Law was near me, only inches away. I could almost feel the smooth fabric of his sweater; I could definitely smell his heady aroma. If I didn’t act quickly I would get lost in him. Again.
“You want to help me?” I yelled, inflamed. “Then stop lying to me! I don’t know up from down any more. Who even are you?” I spun around so I didn’t have to see his penetrating amber gaze. I forc
ed my focus on the small knick in the Anaglypta wallpaper.
“You know me, Nami!” Law grabbed me by the forearms and forced me against his chest. “I’m Huck. I’m Law. You know me.” Didn’t he see the irony in his statement? He was two people, but I knew him as one? I shook my head, but still let myself be warmed by his embrace. I let myself fall comfort to his breathing against my back. His arms encircled me and I was safe again.
“We can leave,” Law murmured against my neck, his lips light shadows against the skin. “I have enough money to live for ten centuries.” All at once I felt dead inside, like rotten seaweed drying on the beach. I pulled away slowly, losing his warmth like daylight is lost to the night.
“I don’t want him to win,” I uttered robotically.
“The only way he wins is if you let him win,” Law pleaded to my back. “Forget about him, live your life happily.”
“It’s not that easy.” I yanked away completely. “I’m nothing now. I’m lower than dirt because he made me that way. It wasn’t enough to use me; he had to tarnish me. I used to think I wanted him dead or in pain. Now I don’t know what I want any more.” Dead. Pain. It all felt so futile, so meaningless. I wanted something meaningful for Morris. Something like what I’d had to deal with. Death was too finite. Pain was too unpredictable. I wanted his brain utterly ravaged.
I placed my head in my hands. What had I become?
Night had fallen and I was still at the hotel with Law. Becca had long since fallen asleep, her sobs lulling her into a fretful slumber. I watched her, her troubled sleeping apparent even from underneath Law’s bed sheets. Law sat on the hotel desk and I leaned against the wall, the space between us feeling much bigger than a few feet of carpet.
“Are you and Becca sleeping together?” I asked, watching Becca’s uneven breaths move the covers up and down.
“No.”
“Did you ever?” I turned my attention from Becca to Law.
“No.”
I folded my arms. “How did you two come to know each other?”
“I was assigned to Morris two years ago. It was around the time Becca Riley was hired as an assistant. Part of my job is to watch Morris. One night I saw Becca leaving the campaign offices looking shaken. Her clothes were a mess, her face was distraught, and she had bruises. I didn’t need to see much more to know what had happened.”
