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Whether or not that was right, or fair, or even made sense, it was what it was.
The Beast owned a part of me.
A part of me sang for him, a part of me called to him.
I remembered how those facts had made me smash my fist into the glass before. I hadn’t been ready to accept it then, to even begin to recognize it. I could even see a faint line of glue where the mirror had been replaced. This time, though, I wasn’t going to break the mirror.
If I hadn’t been sure before, I was now. I had been teetering around my fate, had been cursing it before, but now I was certain. Beast had too much power over me. I needed to take some of his.
And there was only one way I knew how to do that.
So this time I made myself a promise.
I stepped out of the room. I didn’t bother dressing for fear that the action would wake him. Also, for the first time since being taken, my nakedness didn’t bother me. As my toe collided with the cold hardwood, I felt nothing. Warm air from the vents above hushed like a whisper against my naked skin, but I felt no need to fold my arms and cover myself. That part of myself—the modest part, the one that said bare flesh was wrong—was dead, or taken, at least. It didn’t belong to me anymore.
I hurried along the hallway, distantly noting how creepy the Christmas decorations looked in the dark. My plan was to find Nikolai. He’d been working strings since I arrived, and I was finally going to give into the puppet master. When I reached the middle part of the penthouse—was it a foyer?—I froze. I realized I had no idea where Nikolai slept, or if he even slept in the house. I’d just assumed he did. What if he went home at night?
I paused. I was in the heart of the house. It was where the elevator was and was also the place that connected all the rooms. I could see the hallway down to the bedrooms and the staircase up to the study. I couldn’t see whatever else was up there—probably dead bodies. I could see the kitchen, the library, the dining area where Gabby had had the worst dinner ever. I could basically see everything. This spot was also where I had had the worst dinner party ever, when Arlo had tried to rape me.
I shivered. Enough stalling. Where the fuck did Nikolai sleep? I glanced upstairs, then looked down the hallway to the kitchen. I’d never fully explored down there. The place was a labyrinth. I glanced back down the hallway I’d come from. It somehow appeared darker, as if the shadows swallowed it whole. I couldn’t go back yet.
Nikolai was my only hope.
“Nikolai,” I hissed, tiptoeing down the hallway with the kitchen. “Nikolai.” If I didn’t find Nikolai, Beast was going to see this anyway. Nikolai was the only one who erased the tapes; I had no idea how to do it.
Oh God.
Oh God.
That tightness in my chest was returning.
“Nikolai.” I hissed, a little louder. It was like exploring a new continent. The farther down the hallway I progressed, the wider my eyes got. I’d never seen anything in this part of the house. All the art on the walls was new to me. There were a few doors, but I wasn’t sure which to open. I yelled Nikolai’s name again.
A door opened and I was dragged inside, the door quickly closing behind me. Nikolai stood, curly blond hair mussed. His eyes were twisted in rage.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Nikolai whisper-yelled. “He could wake up at any moment. Erasing his tapes isn’t easy, you know. Are you fucking insane?” The room we were in was very small, reminding me of my old “room.” It couldn’t have been much bigger than a closet and the ceiling was slanted like mine had been. Still, it did fit a bed and a dresser.
My closet hadn’t fit a dresser.
That night, while the Beast had made me bow to him with everything that I was, everything Gabby had been trying to get me to see had finally rung home. I could stay in this world a slave.
A slave to a man who saw me as nothing.
A slave to my emotions for that man.
Or I could be a princess.
And I wanted to be a fucking princess.
Nikolai opened his mouth to admonish me further but I cut him off with my hand. “I’m ready.”
Twenty-Two
Anteros looked out the window at the cold blue city. It was so early in the morning that everything was literally frozen. The sun hadn’t risen high enough to melt any ice or snow, but was high enough to illumine the frozen droplets and frosty air. It had been so early when he’d gotten out of bed, only five in the morning, and after the previous night, he’d expected Frankie to be exhausted.
But she’d been awake. And humming.
“Their guards have been paid off,” Big O said behind him.
