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But Beast—Anteros—slept right next to me, and I had controlled the pillow in my fucking hand. I could have ended it all. While he was asleep, I grabbed a pillow, put it over his head, and prepared to snuff the life out of him. Then he stirred. I threw it to the floor and started rubbing his dick because that was the first thing that came to my mind.
Fuck.
I gripped the edge of the sink, staring deep into my light blue eyes. There had been a moment last night, a moment when I didn’t feel like a victim, when I forgot to hate him. During that moment the thing I’d been fighting finally happened and love swallowed me whole.
I would gladly take a lobotomy over remembering that moment.
The one I love doesn’t love me.
“I can’t keep doing this,” I whispered, falling to the floor, hands gripping the sink. I was being pulled apart. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough, I needed to get out.
“Frankie?”
Fuck. He’s awake. I stood up quickly and splashed more water on my face to hide the tears then called back to him. “I’m in here.”
“What are you doing?” he asked, coming into the bathroom. I watched him in the mirror. He stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. I smiled at him, masking the confusion and self-loathing his presence caused. Did he have to be so goddamn perfect looking?
Long and lean, he had a swimmer’s body—but a huge swimmer. They called him Beast for a reason, he even had to duck in the doorway. Looking at his cocked head, I realized I knew so little about him. He could have been a swimmer for all I knew. Broad shoulders, slim waist, muscular thighs, his eight-pack intricately cut as if someone had used a chisel on marble beneath his smooth, glowing skin. He leaned so casually against the frame, too, a wry ghost of a smile on his face—and that bugged me all the more.
I didn’t know why it bothered me. I should have known nothing humbled him, not even his beauty. He even had a beautiful penis. I’d never given much thought to penises until Anteros showed up with a great one. Gloriously thick and veiny, resting like a steel rod against his thigh, it was all I could do not to rush him right then.
And I hated myself for that.
I remembered reading that the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. I wondered if he did it by creating beauty.
Anteros put his hand out, gesturing to me. “Come.” I spun around, bracing my hands on the sink behind me. I swallowed down my emotions with a smile until they settled in my gut with the familiar feeling of heartburn that had wracked me for the previous month, and I walked into his embrace.
Seconds into the embrace, Anteros spun and pushed me against the wall just outside his bathroom. He pressed his nose against my neck, lips grazing the skin. “You need to go get ready,” he said, his voice a low hum against the skin. “We only have a few more hours.”
“Are you having another party?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady as Anteros pressed me against the bedroom wall. “Like Christmas?”
“Something like that.” He leaned farther against me, bracketing me on either side. I froze, not sure what he was going to do, then he kissed me on the
cheek. “Wear whatever the hell you want, but be ready in a few hours.” I touched my cheek, staying frozen until long after he’d exited his room.
Slowly I peeled myself off the wall, staring at where he’d gone. He’d left, still naked, and had gone into the hallway. He was acting so weird. It wasn’t the naked part, Anteros wasn’t exactly shy, it was everything else. The gentleness in how he touched me, the kiss on the cheek, telling me to “wear whatever the hell I wanted.”
Chewing my lip, I followed the ghost of his footsteps into the hallway and down to my room.
It was New Year’s Eve, definitely a gown night, meaning regular designer shit wasn’t gonna cut it. A year ago I would have killed to have the closet I had now. Designer, haute couture, and vintage labels, it really was a fashionista’s wet dream. Everything came with a price though, and mine was the Beast.
I’d officially survived one month. It was New Year’s Eve and the night Nikolai, Gabby, Vic, and whoever else Nikolai had roped into it—he hadn’t been very forthcoming—was going to make their move.
It couldn’t have come at a better time because one more day in this place and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go through with the plan.
I wasn’t sure I would want to leave.
I reached my door, my hand feeling the fine painted wood. Goose bumps prickled my skin the moment I pushed it open, and I headed straight to the closet. Every dress was gorgeous so I couldn’t go wrong with any of them. There was one dress, though, that stopped me in my tracks, a Paolo Sebastian. I remembered the first time I’d worn a Paolo Sebastian, how it had been torn from my body, how it had torn what little fantasy I’d had left.
I pulled it out and examined it. It was gorgeous, maybe even more so than the first dress.
I wouldn’t be able to wear any underwear with it. The dress went beyond sheer, it was absolutely see-through. The only way imagination was halted was by delicate beading. I slipped it on and it looked like the crystals and thread were one with my skin, like I wasn’t even wearing a dress. The dress fell to the floor, pooling like liquid around my feet. Like water, it was clear, and you could see every inch and detail of my legs—the only hint of fabric the ripple and stitching of flowers, like they were floating on a river.
I pressed my hand to the surprisingly soft material, feeling down the fishnet on my abdomen, and turning around to look at myself in the mirror. Everything on the dress was a work of art, from the ice blue leaves on the bust to the arch of flowers on my pelvis. I was trying to figure out how to button up the thin line of pearls on the back when a sound caught me. It sounded like a knock. Assuming it was Nikolai, I shouted for him to come in. Had something gone wrong with the plan?
When I looked up, Anteros was in the doorway to the closet. I was stunned. He’d knocked? Beast—Anteros—never knocked. Yet before I could really think on it, he pushed his way farther inside.
Well, not pushed, but it felt like it.
