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I continued my explanation: “I know that steak is super delicious, but every now and then I want a Jolly Rancher.” I handed him the candy to prove my point.
Vic unwrapped and popped the sweet treat into his mouth. “I’m trying, but I’m finding it really hard to listen to you with this shit playing.” He waved at the speakers.
I glared at him but turned off the music nonetheless. Seriously, how does this music not make him happy? I understand not listening to it all the time. It pisses me off to hear pop tracks all the time too, but, like sweets, I want one every now and then. I shared this nugget of insight with him.
He shrugged.
“You can’t just eat savory foods all the time. It would get boring!” I said, getting frustrated.
Vic shrugged again. “I guess I can.” His indifference was really starting to piss me off.
“But you’re eating a Jolly Rancher right now!” I said wildly gesticulating to his cheek where the candy was nestled in his mouth.
Vic raised an eyebrow and contemplated me. “Yeah, well, if I ate only steak all the time, that would be boring,” he finally said.
I swear to God, when he said that I nearly had an aneurysm. This was a classic Vic argument. He would have made an excellent lawyer. He took what you said and turned it on top of its head. He made you think that you weren’t arguing about what you thought you were. Not this time, though. I wasn’t going to put up with it.
Mainly because, if this conversation kept going this route, I was going to murder him in his sleep.
“No,” I said.
“No?” Vic repeated.
“I’m not having another conversation like this.” I dropped my mat and reached for his laptop that was sitting on the bed next to him.
“Look, I’m just trying to say that—”
“No!” I said. I was feeling like a madwoman, but I wasn’t going to stop now. “Shut up! Stop talking! I know what you’re doing!”
“I’m not doing anything. I get what you’re saying about music and—”
I put my hand in his face.
“Seriously shut up! I’m going to write down our conversation and then you will have no choice but to see what a hypocrite you are!”
I grabbed the laptop and ran out of the bedroom before he could say anything. I sat in the hall outside and began furiously typing the “conversation” we just had.
When I was done, I came back into the bedroom. Vic was sitting on the bed, watching TV as if everything was cool and chill in the world.
This made me even more frustrated.
“Here!” I said pointing at the laptop. “Read.”
With mute amusement, Vic pulled the computer into his lap and began reading:
Me: You can’t always have savory things, IT WILL GET BORING.
Vic: You can eat savory things WITHOUT IT GETTING BORING.
Me: You’re eating a Jolly Rancher right now, (WHICH IS SWEET).
Vic: That’s because if I only ate SAVORY THINGS I WOULD GET BORED.
Lennox has a brain aneurysm because Vic can’t see the blatant contradiction
Side note: This is the reason I murder you.
Vic started laughing.
