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“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
“I don’t like the sound of that, Eli,” I replied, shaking my head.
“Trust me, Bug,” Eli exclaimed, gripping my hands. “It could mean getting out of here. It could mean living free!” He was so excited. He pulled me up and into him, kissing me fiercely. Then he started laughing. I laughed with him, completely forgetting my fear.
I met up with him at our spot on Friday. Of all the things I’d imagined it could be over the week, I’d never imagined he had hooked up with Zero. We discussed Zero often. We discussed what he was doing to our town and how people were becoming meth zombies. Now he wanted to join him?
“I can’t do this,” I said, now that we were back to town. I got out of the truck and slammed the door shut. “If you want to throw your life away, fine. But I—”
“You’re gonna go back to the daddy that beats you?” Eli interrupted, slamming his own door shut. “The mama that doesn’t stop it?
I ground my teeth, taking a minute to get my words fixed in my head. When I spoke, it sounded cold, but it was only because there were so ma
ny emotions swirling around in my chest that I had to stamp them all down.
“I don’t even know who you are right now, Eli Jackson, but you sure aren’t the boy I fell in love with.”
I didn’t let him walk me back to the sugar maple tree that night. I spun around after I replied and brusquely walked off, tears already spilling from my lids.
It was the only day in my and Eli’s history that I didn’t want to go to our sugar maple tree. Then again, it was the only day in our history that we’d had a fight. Our first fight. I sat in my small ground floor room, staring at the slats above that showed me a little of the upstairs I wasn’t allowed to explore. Sighing, I got up and snuck out. Even fighting, Eli was still my freedom.
I approached the maple tree, wondering if Eli would be there. Would he still feel the same way about me, even though we’d fought? I saw the outline of his body sitting against the large tree. Each year it grew bigger.
Eli rushed to me, grabbing my hands before I could get a word out. “I’m so sorry, Bug. I should have told you.”
I took my hands from him. “Are you gonna stop working for Zero?”
Eli narrowed his eyes. “It’s not that simple.”
Folding my arms, I regarded Eli. “Seems pretty simple to me.”
“You have your skeletons and I love you despite them. Can’t you love my skeletons?”
His question caught me off guard. Eli stood about a foot away from me, watching me intently. Head bowed and eyebrow cocked, he waited for me to reply. The scary thing about our love was that it was impenetrable. I would love Eli even if he was lighting me on fire. Still…“I didn’t get to choose my skeletons, Eli. You’re choosin’ Zero.”
“So you’re leavin’ me?” Eli asked, pain wrinkling his skin.
“Of course not…” I said. “I just don’t understand.”
“Understand this: Zero’s promising us a life, not just me but both of us. He’s promising a life beyond this town. Beyond your daddy and beyond the people that whisper nigger-lover behind your back.”
“No one does that,” I argued. They couldn’t do that. Could they?
He stroked my cheek. “I love you, Gracie. I love that you’re so innocent and naive, but you don’t know this town like I do. Part of me wants to keep you like that.”
“Why would they say that? Why—”
“Don’t,” Eli cut off my words, pulling me into his chest. “It’s not worth your time. Just understand that that’s why I need to work for Zero. He’s offerin’ me a way out. I just have to work for him a few years and then we can really be free.”
I read To Kill A Mockingbird before Eli and I ever met. It was one of the things we had in common, probably the only thing in the beginning. I remembered Atticus telling Scout that being a nigger-lover wasn’t a bad thing, despite her town telling her it was. I remembered Atticus saying that if being a nigger-lover was a bad thing, he didn’t want to be good.
That book was written decades ago, and it was as if nothing had changed. I agreed with Atticus. Eli was the best thing in this town. He was kind, good, intelligent, and loving. He was everything I aspired to be. But because he was a different color, people didn’t like him.
It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair.
Skin color didn’t determine your worth.
Zero was white. He’d moved into our town and infected it with bad drugs and no one noticed or cared. Now Zero was infecting Eli.
