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“Grace, I’m in here!” Lennox repeated. Her voice sounded closer, so I was going the right way. Still feeling like an intruder, I ignored the art and pictures on the wall as if seeing them solidified the situation. I kept my eyes trained on the wood floor, following her voice.
It lead me to a door in the hallway. Uncertain, I called out for her again.
“Yes, I’m here!” Her voice filtered through the wood. I opened the closet door, surprised to see Lennox sitting on the floor beneath hanging coats.
“Lennox?” I asked, uncertain as to what I’d stumbled upon.
“Thank you!” Lennox stood up, uncrossing her legs from the floor. She steadied herself against the wall and brushed past me, as if I hadn’t just freed her from a dark closet, as if this was completely normal. She walked out of the room and I followed, feeling like a stray dog.
She walked quickly, almost running down the hallway. We were at the staircase and I nearly tumbled into her when she stopped to talk to me. “The doorknob inside the closet is broken. Who knew? Not me. Obviously.” Lennox laughed and descended the staircase, me trailing after her brisk pace.
“I’m so glad you came when you did,” Lennox continued. “The guests will be here any minute. Can you imagine if I was locked in when they came?”
“Right…” I stared at Lennox, watching as she fumbled around the room fixing glasses and arranging food. I was beginning to accept that she wouldn’t tell me anything about why she’d been in the closet when quietly she said, “I go in there to think sometimes.”
Lennox fingered the dangling ribbons on the balloons, the fine stems slipping through her fingers. The balloon bounced against the ceiling, making a badonk sound right as a knock so
unded on the door. I almost didn’t register it, but Lennox smiled at me and said, “Showtime.”
“This is Lissie.” Lennox introduced me to a bombshell blonde with huge boobs, long legs, and bright red lipstick. She was smiling so bright her eyes were crinkled small.
“It’s so great to meet you, Grace!” Lissie reached her hand out to me, shaking it fast. “I’ve heard so much about you I feel like I know you already.”
I stammered, not sure what to say. Luckily Lennox saved me from embarrassment. “And this is her wife, Zoe.” Lennox gestured to the petite pixie-haired woman next to her. She had cocoa skin and short black hair. Though she was small, there was a fierceness about her that rivaled Lissie’s bubbling temperament.
I looked back from Zoe to Lissie and Lissie to Zoe. I didn’t know why it hadn’t dawned on me at dinner, but these two women were lesbians and this was their combined shower.
Okay, play it cool.
I knew lesbians existed in the world. I’d never met them before, but just because you hadn’t seen something before didn’t mean it didn’t exist. Daddy had always told me that homosexuals were evil, but then I was learning that Daddy had said a lot of things that weren’t true.
I believed that if you were good, that’s all that mattered.
Still, as I looked at Lissie and Zoe, I felt worried. I was worried they would see Daddy in me. I was worried they would know I’d never met a lesbian before. I was worried they would think I didn’t like them or that I judged them. I wanted them to know I didn’t care. I could feel sweat forming on my palms.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I said, my voice cracking. I’d failed.
Zoe smiled at me, her eyes sharp. “So you’re Vic’s sister.” It wasn’t a question.
“It’s so obvious,” Lissie said, snaking her arm around Zoe’s. “If I’d seen her on the street I’d have known right away.”
My words were stuck in my throat, like I’d swallowed especially gooey cheese.
“Thanks,” I eventually replied, though I think it sounded like a question. Lissie winked and with that I’d met my first lesbians. Lissie and Zoe moved over to the couch, and Lennox soon followed. Everyone was mingling and playing little games that had to do with babies. One of them was to guess the due date.
Blood. So much blood. More blood than I’d ever seen in my life. Flowing out of me like a flood.
“Never again Miss Wall.”
“Never again?”
“I’m afraid so.”
I never realized how much I wanted it until they said I could never have it.
The memories assaulted me like a bullet to the gut. I was thankful for the music and the laughter, because it meant no one noticed me keel over and clutch the countertop. I must have been an idiot coming to a baby shower. I thought I was safe, but the longer I stayed in California, the more I realized I couldn’t run from my memories.
“What’s up? You’ve been standing over here for ten minutes. You’re missing the oh-so-important decorating of the onesies!” Lennox nudged my shoulder, giving me a brief respite from my memories.
