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“I mean,” Vic said, his voice calmer. “The apartment is yours, so if you need it you can have it. It will always be here.”
I blinked, feeling unsure but somewhat touched. “Thank you.”
“Yep.” Vic hung up. I stared at my phone like it was a bomb in my palm. After a few moments, when I was sure it wasn’t going to go off, I set it back on the nightstand.
“You’re popular this morning,” Eli said, lacing his arm around my abdomen and pulling me closer.
“That was my brother,” I said, staring at the ceiling. “First Vera and then my brother. This morning sucks.”
“What did your brother want?” Using his other arm, Eli rubbed my neck. I sunk into the feeling. It would have been so easy to ignore the morning and float away with Eli. He knew exactly how to make me feel better. Leaning farther back into Eli’s chest, I sighed, relishing the distraction.
“Bug,” Eli whispered into my ear. “What did he want?”
Reality refused to go away. I sat up and turned my head to Eli’s. “To give me an apartment.”
“What a jerk,” Eli teased before going serious. “Are you going to take his offer?” I didn’t like it. I wished I had any other option, but I didn’t. I was homeless and jobless. Plus, wasn’t this what I’d wanted? Wasn’t this the reason I’d come to Santa Barbara, for family? Vic was offering me family and a home. I’d be stupid not to take it.
“I just wish I wasn’t always under someone’s thumb,” I confided to Eli. “First Daddy and now Vic.”
“Is Vic hurting you?” Eli growled.
“No!” I backtracked. “No, of course not. I mean, I was living in Daddy’s house and now I’ll be living in Vic’s. When I was with Vera we were on our own, doing our own thing. I was free.”
Eli nodded. “You could come live with me. Together, not under my thumb.” I smiled sadly, his request reminding me how short our relationship was going to be. Eli went to college in Georgia. He was only visiting. I had to keep reminding myself of that, so that when he left, the wound he left behind wouldn’t completely kill me.
I could already feel it, though. Just the anticipation of his departure was opening up a hole in my chest the size of a cannonball. Try as I might to cauterize it with constant reminders that he wouldn’t stay, the hole was growing.
“You live in college dorms all the way in Georgia, Eli Jackson,” I said. “As much as I appreciate the offer…I don’t think GSU would appreciate you hiding me away in your closet.”
Eli’s full lips twisted in a half-crook, the way they did when he had some kind of happy secret. I’d seen that crook before, back when he had a present for me. He had been so excited he couldn’t keep that mischievous smile off his face the entire day. Finally he’d spilled the beans: he’d gotten us tickets to a movie we wanted to see but had thought we couldn’t afford.
I nearly prodded, knowing he was keeping something from me, but Eli purred and pulled me to him. Crushed against his warm, naked chest, all my thoughts vanished.
“Coming back to little ol’ you hiding in my closet?” Eli said against my hair. “I think I could get used to that.” I smiled, but the smile was short-lived. I was already used to Eli, and that was the problem.
“You sure you want to do this?” Eli asked as the elevator opened to the top floor—Vic and Lennox’s floor. Was I sure? Not really. Did I have a choice? Not really. I had nowhere else to go and I’d already told Eli as much. Pulling me by the elbow, Eli dragged me to the side. His back was to the wall and he held me to him, chest to chest.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Stay with me.” It wasn’t a question.
“We’ve already been over this.” I sighed, getting frustrated. The more Eli mentioned his pipe dream, the more I realized that we were just a pipe dream. He was going back to Georgia any day now, and…well, maybe I would go with him… It would be easier than letting him leave. Even though I absolutely did not want to go back to Georgia, I couldn’t just let him leave.
Not again.
“What if I was here?” Eli asked, brow crinkled as he waited for me to answer the question.
I squinted my eyes. “Stop playing games, Eli Jackson.”
“I’m not playin’.” Brow still furrowed, Eli kept his stare pinned on me. I frowned and pulled my arm from his grasp so I could think.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. Living with Eli had always been the dream. Under the sugar maple tree I’d dreamed that we would run off together and get married. Back then everything was so simple. Love was everything. With love we would have everything.
Now I was all grown up. I knew that love was beautiful and grand and the whole purpose of life, but it wasn’t everything.
“I like living on my own,” I answered honestly. I liked the independence. For the first time in my life I’d had my own place and I’d answered to no one but myself. Sure, I’d lived with Vera, but she’d just been a roommate. She hadn’t expected me to come home at a certain time or expected anything of me, really.
Gosh, I miss her.
