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I had about a million more questions for him, the first of which being how he knew a man like Charlie. What kind of work did Vic actually do? According to him he basically had James Bond on her case and I needed to let go, but how was I supposed to move on? I knew in my bones that Vera was not in a good place. Despite what she’d said on the phone, she obviously wasn’t doing well. She’d been taken, probably by Zero.
The coincidence of that still had me reeling. It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that the Zero she was talkin’ about was the Zero that had ripped my town apart and nearly destroyed me and Eli.
Zero was a bad guy, there was no doubt about that. I didn’t care what Vic thought. Vera wasn’t working with Zero and if Zero really had Vera then she needed help. As I walked to the door that Vic so graciously opened for me, I felt like demanding we go to the police, just so I could say I was doing something—something other than waiting around for a miracle.
Or the boogieman.
I almost told him that, too, but then I remembered Vera. Once upon a time Vera had told me never to look a gift horse in the mouth. If Charlie really was Vera’s only hope, maybe I had to just accept it. Reluctantly I stepped out into the hallway.
“I was so nervous when I first came here, Vic,” I said, turning to him before he shut the door. “I was so nervous to meet my big brother. I thought, ‘What if he doesn’t like me?’ But now, after meeting you, all I can say is that I’m disappointed.” Vic pulled me back inside, slamming the door shut. The sound of the door meeting its hinges was loud, like the echo of a gunshot. I nearly jumped, but forced myself to remain calm. Vic moved to stand in front of the door, arms folded.
“That’s not fair,” Vic said.
“How so? It’s clear that you don’t want anything to do with me. Despite what Lennox says about you, about your intentions, all I see is a mean person doing mean things. Maybe you’re going to help me find Vera, or maybe you’re a liar. Just like Daddy.”
Pain rippled across Vic’s features and, for a moment, I felt terrible. When Vic spoke, his voice was so low I barely heard him. “Grace, when I see you I’m reminded of our past.”
“Well sorry my presence is so godawful,” I scoffed.
“No, fuck.” Vic ran his hands through his hair, frustration evident on his features. “What I mean, is, I remember what that miserable old fuck did to me, and then I think about you. I thought you were safe, because when I left he treated you like gold. So to think that what happened to me could have happened to you…”
“Vic, it’s fine.” I waved a hand. “I get it. I’m moving on, we don’t need to talk about this.”
“No, we do. I’m sorry, Grace. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better brother. I should have checked up on you.” Vic’s apology shocked me. I’d grown used to his cold, callous air, but the way he spoke and the way his eyes shined, I saw true emotion.
“Thanks,” I muttered, feeling exposed.
“I’ve been trying to be better,” Vic grumbled. “I guess I’m fucking that up too. When you showed up I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been trying. I gave you the apartment. I thought I was helping when I told Eli to fuck off. I went to Mama’s funeral. I’m going to get Vera back. I’m trying, Grace.”
“I don’t want much,” I said, astonished by how quiet my voice had become. “I don’t want any of that. I just want my big brother.”
Vic smiled brokenly. “Well, I don’t have much practice on that front. Maybe you could cut me some slack.” Silence hung in the air. Vic and I had erected a tentative truce. I wasn’t sure what exactly that meant for us. For all I knew, our relationship would dissolve in the morning, but I was hopeful. I realized I’d romanticized Vic. All those years stuck in Georgia, I’d imagined Vic as this strong hero who had escaped and gotten free and would help me become strong and invincible. In reality, Vic was just as broken as me.
We didn’t hug or anything. Vic stepped aside to let me leave and we exchanged lukewarm smiles. It was a start. I took one last look at the black-painted door, sighed, and walked downstairs.
I dialed Eli as I entered my apartment, unable to wait until I’d showered to talk to him. He picked up on the first ring.
“What’s wrong, Bug?” Lying down on my bed so that I could clearly see the paint chips on the ceiling, I asked Eli how he knew something was wrong.
“Call it a sixth sense,” Eli responded.
“I’m worried that Vera might never come back,” I confessed.
“Why? Isn’t Vic helping you find her?”
“Yeah, but…” I trailed off, not sure how to answer.
“Do you think Vic is lying to you?” I ruminated on Eli’s question. Did I think Vic was lying to me? Honestly, no. After our conversation, I didn’t think Vic was lying to me. Sure, he had problems from here to the moon, but he wasn’t lying to me. That wasn’t the problem though. Well, it wasn’t the whole problem. Mostly I felt helpless. I was upset that I couldn’t do anything. Vic was doing his thing, because of Vera’s phone call the police had given up, and all I could do was wait. Meanwhile I had this pressing question: “What if she’s gone forever?”
“Don’t think like that, Bug,” Eli scolded lightly.
“But what if she is?” I pressed. “You never got to meet her and she was so wonderful. And now she’s just gone? How is that fair?”
Eli sighed into the phone. “It’s not fair, Gracie. You need to remember that there’s no scorecard in life because there’s no one keepin’ score but us.”
A few beats passed before I said, “I miss you, Eli. I know I just saw you an hour ago but…I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Bug. I’ll come and pick you up. You can shower at my place or not at all. I don’t care.”
