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Then she spied something else, and stood transfixed. In the middle of the desk was an open box containing the gold seal she had given Jed for his thirtieth birthday, Jed had kept her present and she felt her heart lift. His wonderful lovemaking apart, it was the first positive sign she had that he actually cared. He might never love her, but with Ben and perhaps other children their marriage could be a success. Maybe she would not be deliriously happy, but she would settle for contentment.
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Her heart and mind at last in perfect accord, she spun on her heel—and stopped as Jed appeared in the doorway.
His head was down, his shoulders hunched. Wearing a navy towelling robe, he looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked.
Jed jerked his head back, stunned by the sound of Phoebe’s voice.
He had woken up feeling wonderful, after the greatest night of his life, and had turned to the source of his happiness—Phoebe. His body had been stirring in anticipation, but he had found the other side of the bed empty and cold. He’d sat up and looked around, seen his clothes still scattered on the floor but swiftly registered there was no sign of Phoebe’s. For only the second time in his adult life he had panicked. He had leapt out of bed and looked in the bathroom, but there had been no sign of her ever being there. He’d pulled on a robe and returned to the bedroom, called her name. He’d stood still as a statue and listened, but the apartment had been eerily silent. She had gone…
Like a lightning bolt from the gods it had hit him. He loved Phoebe…he always had. It had never been just sex with Phoebe. No woman had ever made him feel the way she did or ever would, and he could not face losing her again.
‘Phoebe. You are still here…I was frightened you had left,’ Jed said hoarsely.
Wide-eyed, Phoebe stared at him. ‘Whatever gave you that idea? Of course I am still here. We got married yesterday, remember?’ she prompted, suddenly beginning to really worry as he staggered over to the sofa and sat down, burying his head in his hands. ‘You have never been frightened in your life.’ She tried to lighten the atmosphere, crossing to where he sat.
Jed was a typical Alpha male—fearless in everything he did. It was what made him so powerful and so desirable. She stopped in front of him, and he looked up, and she noticed his ashen face. The glittering eyes were not feral, but full of what looked suspiciously like deep pain, and suddenly she was afraid.
‘Has something happened? Is it your father or Ben?’
‘No, nothing like that,’ he said swiftly, and reached for her hand. He took it in his, his fingers linking with hers. She tried to pull free. ‘No—please, Phoebe, let me explain.’
He looked so different, so vulnerable—not the hard, arrogant man she was accustomed to. She was intrigued—and he had said please…
A gentle tug on her hand and she sat down beside him. ‘This had better be good, Jed. I want to go and see Ben soon.’ He turned, his knee touching her leg, and clasped her hand tightly in his on his thigh, looking down as if seeking inspiration, then back to her face.
‘I woke up this morning and turned to hold you. You were not there. I looked in the bathroom, and then I noticed my clothes were still strewn around the room but yours had gone. I know this sounds chauvinistic, but in the past when we spent the night together you would never have picked up your clothes and left mine.’
Phoebe smiled. ‘You’re right—it is chauvinistic.’
‘Then it hit me. You had left—run away again—and I love you,’ he said hoarsely.
Jed had said he loved her—words she had longed to hear for so very long—and she couldn’t believe it. She studied his handsome features, saw the strain in his dark eyes. But…‘I don’t believe you.’
‘I don’t blame you. I know I treated you abominably in the past—and in the present. Maybe I should start at the beginning.’ He sounded uncertain—a first for Jed, Phoebe thought. ‘But please listen,’ he pleaded. ‘If I don’t tell you now I might never have the nerve again.’
‘All right, I’m listening,’ she encouraged.
‘I have loved you from the moment I saw you, Phoebe, but in my conceit I took your innocence, your love for granted, without giving anything in return.’
‘Not true. You gave me rather a lot of jewellery,’ she prompted.
‘Exactly—something that cost me nothing in relation to my wealth and, as you so rightly said, was sleazy. But I never saw it like that. I only had to look at you to want you—still do.’ He tried to smile. ‘The months we were together were the happiest of my life—until tragedy struck and I handled it very badly. I thought only of myself, not how you were feeling. But I never meant to leave you. My father had a heart attack.’
‘I know—Marcus told me,’ she murmured.
‘Yes, well…you can’t use a cellphone in Intensive Care, so I gave mine to Christina and told her to call you and tell you I’d be delayed.’
‘She didn’t call me. I called her,’ Phoebe said. ‘She was very sympathetic and told me she was used to getting rid of your women. She said you had told her to inform me you were not coming back, and advised me to leave.’
‘She what?’ One ebony brow arched in outrage. ‘She never got rid of a woman for me in her life—I got rid of her, four years ago, when I belatedly realised she wanted to be more than my PA. And I certainly never asked her to tell you to leave, she told me you wanted to go.’
‘Going over the past is pointless,’ Phoebe said with a shake of her head. ‘Let’s be honest—you could have found me if you had really wanted to. You had no trouble finding me last week,’ she said bluntly. ‘Marcus also told me you wanted to marry me before, but we both know it would not have been for love but because of the baby—the same as now.’ She wasn’t going to trust his avowal of love so easily.
‘I deserve that, but it isn’t the real truth.’ His dark eyes held hers. There was vulnerability in the black depths, and his complexion was deepening into what looked rather like a blush. ‘I didn’t look for you because I was an emotional coward. When I returned to the apartment and you had gone I told myself it was for the best that you had moved on, because it meant I did not have to face how I really felt. I also felt guilty because you had lost the baby.’
