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Now that had been ripped away from them. Leaving...what? The reality that chemistry and mutual respect and friendship weren’t enough? He’d mentioned the options that the doctor had given them—IVF, adoption... Gabriel didn’t know much about IVF, but he knew enough to agree with Leonora. It was a hugely invasive and precarious method of having children, and she would be the one to bear the brunt of the pain and the procedures.
If she wanted out of the marriage she was hardly going to put herself through those procedures.
An emotion Gabriel had never felt before burned down low in his gut. It felt a lot like hurt.
He slammed his hand down on the terrace wall. No woman had the power to hurt Gabriel. She had made a commitment to him and she would honour it.
He wouldn’t accept anything less.
* * *
It took hours for Leonora to fall asleep that night. The pain in her heart was almost physical. She couldn’t believe how far she’d let herself fall for Gabriel. How far she’d let herself dream that even without his love they could have a good life together. She’d imagined that when the desire burned out they’d have a family to care for, to unite them.
She considered the fact that he’d mentioned IVF. Adoption. Maybe she owed it to him to give it a shot? But then maybe he’d only mentioned it because he felt duty-bound?
She thought of the families she’d met through that charity. She knew what a toll it took, and how it caused huge fissures in relationships and families.
Of course it could be successful, and many people went on to have children, but people who underwent IVF ached to have children and had exhausted every other possibility. They did it for love. And that was not what this relationship was about.
Even if she did agree to undergo IVF and they had children, she realised now that it wouldn’t be enough for her to have children without Gabriel’s love. It would kill her. She wanted the dream.
Gabriel would move on. He would find another suitable wife and have children. Of that she was sure. He deserved that.
He’d never made her any promises. She would do her duty as his wife for the next few weeks and then they would file for divorce. There was no other discussion to be had. Her infertility wouldn’t have magically healed
itself in a few weeks.
* * *
‘You must be very proud, Torres, your wife is stunning.’
Gabriel looked at where Leonora was standing a few feet away. She was a vision in a long ballgown with a fitted sleeveless bodice and chiffon skirts falling to the floor. The gown was ice-blue. Her hair was pulled back and long diamond earrings glittered when she moved her head.
She was indeed stunning. Without a doubt the most beautiful woman in the room. She had an effortless kind of beauty that he could see people noticing and envying. What they didn’t know was that her beauty wasn’t just skin-deep. Or that she hid a very painful and devastating secret.
He glanced at the man beside him. A business acquaintance who was looking at Leonora far too covetously for Gabriel’s liking.
He made his excuses and walked over to her, slipping an arm around her waist.
He felt the tension come into her body at his touch and everything inside him rejected it. It was a over a month now since they’d had that conversation about divorce. They’d been existing since then in a kind of sterile civil environment that was driving Gabriel slowly around the bend.
They were still in separate bedrooms—and Gabriel fully respected the space that Leonora had needed since the operation. But sexual frustration was a constant gnawing ache, exacerbated by the fact that she had retreated to some icy, closed-off place that he couldn’t seem to reach.
She was always in bed when he came home from work. She busied herself at weekends at her parents castillo, helping with renovations and plans for the business. Or she spent time with Matías.
For someone like Gabriel, who had never envisaged marriage being anything but a means to an end, to find himself missing his wife was not a welcome revelation.
The closest they got to any kind of intimacy was at moments like this, when they were amongst hundreds of people. And everything in Gabriel rejected it. Rejected her closing herself off and retreating to a place he couldn’t reach. Rejected the notion of divorce.
* * *
Leonora was holding herself so stiffly she could hardly breathe. Gabriel’s arm was around her waist, and the urge to melt into his side, let him take her weight, was almost overwhelming.
The urge to touch him, kiss him...make love to him was even more overwhelming.
But she couldn’t.
The only thing keeping her upright and able to function for the past few weeks was the block of ice in her chest. Keeping her emotions in a kind of deep freeze.
