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He walked into the middle of the hall and looked at Sam. And then very deliberately he got down on his knees in front of her. For a terrifying moment Rafaele felt the surge of the past threatening to rise up and strangle him, heard voices about to hound him, tell him he was no better than his father... But it didn’t happen. What he did feel was a he
ady feeling of peace for the first time in a long time.
Sam was looking at him, horrified. She quickly shut the door again and leant against it. ‘Rafaele, get up... What are you doing?’
Somehow Rafaele found the ability to speak. ‘This has been my nightmare scenario for so long, Sam, and I’m tired of it. The truth is that I want more too. I want it all. And I am willing to beg for it—just like my father. Except I know that this is different. I’m not him.’
Sam shook her head and Rafaele could see her eyes grow suspiciously bright.
Her voice sounded thick. ‘You don’t have to do this just to prove a point. Get up, Rafaele...’
He shook his head. The view from down here wasn’t bad at all, Rafaele realised. Prostrating himself in front of the woman he loved was something he’d do over and over again if he had to.
Almost gently now, he said, ‘Sam...don’t you realise it yet?’
She shook her head faintly. ‘Realise what?’
Rafaele took a deep breath. ‘That I am so madly and deeply and crazily in love with you that I’ve made a complete mess of everything...’
He looked down for a moment and then back up, steeling himself.
‘I know you don’t feel the same way...how could you when I’ve treated you so badly in the past? But... I truly hope that we might have enough to work with...and in time you might feel something. We have Milo...’
Sam just looked at him for a long moment, and then she whispered, ‘Did you just say you love me?’
Rafaele nodded, sensing her shock, feeling icicles of pain start to settle around his heart despite his brave words. Humiliation started to make his skin prickle. The demons weren’t so far away after all.
Sam closed her eyes and he heard her long, shuddering breath. When she opened them again they overflowed with tears.
‘Sam...’ he said hoarsely, and went to stand up.
But before he could move she’d launched herself at him and they landed in a tangle of limbs on the floor. The breath was knocked out of Rafaele’s chest for a second, and then he saw Sam’s face above his own, felt her tears splash onto his cheeks. And he couldn’t resist pulling her head down so that he could kiss her. Even in the midst of not knowing, he had to touch her.
The kiss was desperate and salty and wet, and then Sam drew back, breathing hard. She put her hands around his face and said again, ‘You love me?’
She was lying on his body, they touched at every point, and Rafaele could feel himself stirring to life. He nodded. ‘Yes. I love you, Sam. I want you in my life for ever...you and Milo. I want us to be a family. I can’t live without you. When you left last week...I died inside.’
A sob escaped Sam’s mouth and Rafaele felt her chest heaving against his.
Finally she managed to get out, ‘I love you, Rafaele. I fell for you four years ago, and when you let me go I thought I’d die...but then there was Milo...and I thought I’d stopped loving you and started hating you. But I hadn’t. I’ve always loved you and I will always love you.’
Rafaele sat up and Sam spread her legs around his hips so they faced each other. She sat in the cradle of his lap, where his erection was distractingly full, but he forced himself to look at her, sinking willingly into those grey depths and wondering how on earth he’d not let himself do this before now. It was the easiest thing.
His chest expanded as her words sank in and he felt a very fledgling burgeoning sense of trust take root within him and hold...
‘I fell for you too...but it was so terrifying that I ran. You got too close, Sam—closer than I’d ever let anyone get—and when I realised it I couldn’t handle it. Like a coward I left you alone to deal with your trauma...’
Sam smoothed his jaw with a tender hand. She looked at him, her eyes wounded. ‘I punished you...in the most heinous way. You were right. I was hurt and upset, heartbroken that you didn’t want me... I kept Milo from you, and you didn’t deserve that.’
Rafaele tucked some hair behind Sam’s ear. He was very serious. ‘I understand why you did it. You sensed my reluctance, Sam, my need to escape. But it wasn’t from you, it was from myself... You never really left me. You haunted me.’
Sam’s eyes flashed. ‘Not enough to stop you going to bed with another woman almost immediately.’
Rafaele struggled to comprehend, and then he recalled her accusing him of being with another woman a week after he’d left. He shook his head and smiled wryly, knowing that she was going to demand every inch of him for the rest of his life and not wanting it any other way.
‘Would it help you to know that, despite appearances to the contrary I didn’t sleep with anyone for a year after you left?’ He grimaced. ‘I couldn’t...perform.’
Sam’s eyes widened with obvious feminine satisfaction. ‘You were impotent?’
